Most days you show up to work in spite of the fact that you know it's going to make you want to die. You do your job as best you can, quietly but diligently, keeping your complaints to yourself and negotiating the thousand little minefields that strew themselves about the arena of any human endeavor in which deadlines and hierarchies are the twin engines that fuel the drive forward. You keep your head down to the extent that you know you are there to get things done, not make it The You Show, and if you're desperately waiting for the moment the day ends and you can finally carve out a little time for yourself, that still doesn't detract from the effort you expend to do what you're there to do. Then you go home, wanting to die, and make the best of the few hours they give you until you need to do it all again. You work hard, you don't call attention to yourself, and you give it as much of yourself as you have. You, in short, deserve some kind of prize. Unfortunately, that's not the way the world works. But there is one day a year where your toil is acknowledged, however briefly. That's right: the Founding Fathers, in George Washington's famous "Fuck This Shit" section of The Federalist Papers (later withdrawn due to a great deal of internecine dispute which we do not have the space to get into here), established August 25th as "the day upon which the noble worker shall sneake off to quickly imbibe whilft in the midft of his labors," or, as it has come to be known, National Duck Out For A Drink Day. The 25th falls on a Sunday this year, meaning that today's the day we observe the holiday in which you take time for yourself to sneak out to a nearby tavern and knock back a couple beers, slam a few shots, or, depending on how long you think you can linger, treat yourself to a few jumbo cocktails. Be sure to bring a couple co-workers with you: National Duck Out For A Drink Day is even more enjoyable if you think about it as a team-building exercise that you've put together on your own, where the only "trust falls" are actual stumbles. Remember, if you're out at the bar during work hours it's like they're paying you to drink! Go do us proud, workers of America! (Unless your job involves creating some kind of syphilis vaccine, in which case what you're doing is way too important for you to take even a moment away from it.) If you manage to make it back and are still in any condition to type, tell us your stories in the comments. And make sure somebody brings some mints for when you stagger up the stairs on your return. (Take the stairs, it'll sober you up a little.) Have a great National Duck Out For A Drink Day! Who deserves it more than you?
Friday, August 23rd, 2013