Local Man Cannot Operate Beard Trimmer

'For every head shall be bald, and every beard clipped: upon all the hands shall be cuttings, and upon the loins sackcloth.'Website proprietor Andrew Sullivan continues to have trouble with New York’s service industries. He trusted Yelp with barber shop recommendations, and then the barber (allegedly) broke his iPad and trimmed his beard incorrectly!

My starter was a Yelp-recommended, first come, first served joint. I put my name down and was told to come back in 30 minutes. Ok. Back 25 minutes later, I was told it could be done in ten minutes. A further half hour of Angry birds later, I asked when I could get my beard trimmed. 20 minutes. Half an hour later, when they started hedging again when I asked, I left. New York City: wait for almost two hours not to get a haircut.

As I am also a bearded pundit from the golden age of blogging who used to live in Washington D.C., I am uniquely equipped to help Andrew Sullivan manage his whiskers. Here is my advice: You’re not in Washington any longer, Sully! The service workers of New York don’t live in constant fear of every poorly dressed white person being a media or political figure. Just think of what D.C. barbers have to go through, year after year, when every borderline hobo is actually a Washington Post op-ed columnist working on a memoir.

Outside the Beltway, the answer to “how do I get my beard trimmed the way I like” is to buy a $15 beard trimmer.