Thursday, February 14th, 2013
15

Horsemeat Scandal "Breathtaking, Delicious" Say British Politicians

Whenever the meat supply on Knifecrime Island is perceived to be compromised, the government of the day trots out an unlucky official to take one for the team and graze on whatever bits of gristle and hoof they want to reassure their suddenly squeamish countrymen—people who eat sausage made out of dried blood on a regular basis—that everything's just fine. Nearly a quarter century after an agriculture minister attempted to fell the fear that crazy cows might do further damage to the already addled grey matter of that cursed island's lager-fueled legion of louts by attempting (unsuccessfully) to cram a BSE-burger into a 4-year-old's mouth, Britain's Prime Minister David Cameron allowed himself to be photographed consuming something called a "black pudding dinky pork pie," which, he assured his stabby compatriots, was perfectly safe. Later that afternoon the Prime Minister visited the internationally famous Epsom Downs Racecourse, where he ran the track in a record 2 minutes, 3 seconds. Meanwhile, here is some historical perspective.

15 Comments / Post A Comment

beschizza (#1,421)

Honestly, the whole thing is just so the British have an excuse to tell the French that their meat is substandard and then sit and watch them sputter with outrage.

LondonLee (#922)

Aside from the business of it being passed off as beef I'm not sure what all the bother is about eating horse meat. I've never had it but I've had deer and goat so why not a horsey?

@LondonLee It's pretty good. I've definitely had worse beef.

jfruh (#713)

@LondonLee I lived in California when there was a ballot proposition to ban the slaughter of horses and sale of their meat, and all I could think was "Why? Why do you hate cows and pigs so much that you aren't protecting them with legislation?"

carpetblogger (#306)

@jfruh At least the slaughterhouses provided a market for horses no one wanted/people couldn't afford to feed/ruined by racing. Now they are just left to starve or shipped over the border to Mexico, which is a worse fate.

emberglance (#7,305)

@LondonLee Yes, it's pretty tasty.

deepomega (#1,720)

@jfruh You'd understand if you'd ever tried to ride a pig, man.

I'm still trying to figure out which of the words in "black pudding dinky pork pie" are the adjectives and which are the nouns.

I suspect there's a verb in there, too.

deepomega (#1,720)

@Gef the Talking Mongoose OK, here's a clue: Dinky is actually a surname.

@deepomega : (Monkey Island flashback)

Mount_Prion (#290)

I must now joyfully but obligatorily point out that this is a post relevant to my name.

stinapag (#10,293)

You know, I still can't give blood because I lived on that island in 1994 and 1995 and may or may not have ingested angry bovine.

rhp (#11,316)

@stinapag I lived there from '88 to '92 and cannot give blood, even though I was vegetarian the entire time. I asked how that made any sense, and the answer was something like "You could have eaten meat without knowing." My mom may have slipped Valium into my snacks on occasion, but I'm pretty sure she drew the line at stealth meat. And, yes, my new band is named Stealth Meat.

eatbigsea (#1,361)

For all you foodies, black pudding is basically morcilla with different seasoning. And it's amazing. Never had a black pudding dinky pork pie, but putting the deliciousness of black pudding into the sublime calorific decadence of a pork pie can only be a good thing.

dontannoyme (#24,319)

@eatbigsea when The Awl shows its ignorance of British food and culture it's being sophisticated. If it showed the same ignorance of Italian/Spanish/French and food and culture it would just be ignorant.

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