It May Not Be Evil But Quinoa Does Pretty Much Suck

“Can vegans stomach the unpalatable truth about quinoa?”
—Oddly, this query has nothing to do with the flavor of quinoa, which, let’s be honest, is the type of thing that you try at first because it’s kind of trendy and a lot of people you like and respect are going, “Trust me, this is good,” and then you eat it and you’re all, “Hmm, that’s… unusual,” and for a while you think everyone is actually on to something but then a few months later you suddenly realize that, wait a second, the only thing that is appealing about this is that it’s supposed to be better than it actually is and the only reason we’re all eating it is some kind of mass delusion and also we don’t want to admit the embarrassment of being suckered in to something that is considerably less palatable than promised in the first place plus it tastes like wheat and chalk. It is the Sheila Heti of grains, basically.