Friday, January 25th, 2013

It May Not Be Evil But Quinoa Does Pretty Much Suck

"Can vegans stomach the unpalatable truth about quinoa?"
—Oddly, this query has nothing to do with the flavor of quinoa, which, let's be honest, is the type of thing that you try at first because it's kind of trendy and a lot of people you like and respect are going, "Trust me, this is good," and then you eat it and you're all, "Hmm, that's… unusual," and for a while you think everyone is actually on to something but then a few months later you suddenly realize that, wait a second, the only thing that is appealing about this is that it's supposed to be better than it actually is and the only reason we're all eating it is some kind of mass delusion and also we don't want to admit the embarrassment of being suckered in to something that is considerably less palatable than promised in the first place plus it tastes like wheat and chalk. It is the Sheila Heti of grains, basically.


28 Comments / Post A Comment

Brian Calandra (#3,753)

Sigh. You are just another man who wants to tell us to eat something.

You basically just described all food.

deepomega (#1,720)

There seems to be a common misconception at work here – it's not JUST vegans that eat quinoa, it's WHITE PEOPLE.


And millions of indigenous people from South America. (Millions? I have no idea)

pepper (#676)

A grain so delicious that the Quechua walk hundreds of miles down from the Andes to Lima so that they don't have to eat it any more.

christoball (#4,670)

Why not post the better researched and non vegan-baiting version of this?

And quinoa is great, mix it with fresh vegetables, good ingredients, kinda like a pasta salad, promise you that will be your new favorite taking-lunch-to-work jam.

bluebears (#5,902)

Quinoa is really good cooked in chicken broth.

City_Dater (#2,500)


Vegan baiter!!!

SkinnyNerd (#224,784)

I do not trust food whose pronunciation is nothing like what I thought it would be the first time I saw its spelling.

@SkinnyNerd You must really hate Ring-Dings.

sox (#652)

We will all be the Mayans, you know.

@chirstoball, quinoa is rarely good, but it cooks faster than brown rice. pasta salad style with a lot of cheese or soaking up a bowl of curry sauce is about the only way to eat it.

Hrpmh, am I the only one who really liked How Should a Person Be?

BadUncle (#153)

Sorry to be a farinaceous ass-hat, but quinoa is not a part of the grass family, and thus, not a grain. Like amaranth, it is "grain-like."

Multiphasic (#411)

@BadUncle I've never read Amaranth, is she part of Muumuu House?

I love quinoa, not a vegan and really suspicious of articles looking to bait people for taking part in what is a complicated world agribusiness food system. I'm not even a vegetarian anymore and I can still see that a grain that has protein might be a smarter idea environmentally than feeding 4.5 pounds of grain into a chicken and then killing it to serve to already overfed people. Our food systems are colonial. Where do you think bananas and sugar come from? I hate it when link bait decontextualizes these discussions. They're important. Even when we're all doomed and we're all doomed, so what, have some quinoa.

skahammer (#587)

@Hiroine Protagonist Where do you think bananas and sugar come from?

I'm trying to think of which incorrect answers you're looking for here. "The moon"?

@skahammer Ha. Moon bananas! No, they're huge monoculture cash crops that displace local people's food supplies. As the article is condemning re: quinoa.

cherrispryte (#444)


And, okay, I was writing about it under the context of malnutrition, but still. I WAS THERE FIRST.

Also, yeah, that's my real name. Try not to stalk me?

saythatscool (#101)

@cherrispryte And so begins our deadliest game of cat and mouse. #KIDDING

cherrispryte (#444)

@saythatscool BRING IT.

saythatscool (#101)

@cherrispryte You know you really need to throw these old medicines away that you keep in your medicine cabinet, cherri.

skahammer (#587)

@cherrispryte If your real name is Persephone, then I have to admit that's freaking cool.

cherrispryte (#444)

Ooh, while you're there, turn the oven on for pizza, will you?

cherrispryte (#444)


curlysue (#34,091)

It's palatable if you dump a ton of fat on it, but that basically defeats the purpose.

JC_Trepitone (#241,810)

Quinoa – relatively useful as a Scrabble word. Otherwise, I dunno.

dennisscott819 (#247,775)

It really sucks, thanks for the review. Know more about san diego tax attorney irs audit. Act now.

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