The Best Holiday Movies To Watch This Week, Proven By Video Clips

Zooey Deschanel, when she was blonde and kind of snarly! Will Ferrell in barely controlled hyper-idiotic hilarity. Bob Newhart! Christmas in New York City. An inexplicable subplot involving an independent publishing house specializing in children’s board books. This movie has everything good about the holidays. A little entertainment enhancement goes a long way, too.

A Christmas Story is the Internet’s favorite holiday movie, which means it is not quite as good as the Internet thinks it is, but it’s still very good. I think we can deal with the longing for a BB gun, despite everything. But if not, skip A Christmas Story this year.

Scrooged! Like a lot of 1980s’ “classic SNL cast movies,” this one didn’t seem very good at the time. But in comparison with, uh, everything that’s happened since, it’s genius! Really.

Here’s a movie with “nightmare” in the title that is actually not terrifying. Yes, of course, eventually anti-aircraft guns are used to shoot “Santa” (Jack Skellington) out of the sky on Christmas Eve, but he falls harmlessly into a graveyard. Mostly this is songs, and stop-motion animation, and it’s fun! Except for the violence?

Trading Places is the ultimate capitalist Christmas movie, but sadly all the YouTube clips show Dan Ackroyd despondent with a handgun, sooooooo, think twice, etc.

Nora Ephron (RIP) wrote and directed this 1994 “ensemble of crazy California stereotypes” holiday movie that holds up pretty well, despite how late 1980s everybody looks. But, like apparently EVERY CHRISTMAS MOVIE, this one includes comical suicides and violence, like when Steven Wright puts a gun to his head, because he’s a suicidal maniac, ha ha.

And, with that, we will stop, because these are all guns/crime movies. Bad Santa, The Ref, Jesus Christ what is wrong with this country? Did we miss a “good” holiday movie? Please tell us, because ugh ….