"Baby Jesus Stolen" Nativity News Watch 2012

Lift up your eyes and look at the cloud and the light within it and the stars surrounding it. The star that leads the way is your star. According to the latest tally on Google News, there are 2,803 current media reports involving stolen Baby Jesuses from nativity scenes. This represents a [made up percentage] increase in nativity infant thefts over 2011, which had held the previous record with [made up number] documented desecrations of Christmas scenes. Many are wondering just how low we can go, as a species. If children and other pranksters think it’s “okay” to lift a plastic baby with a hole in its bottom for a colored light bulb, then what else might people do, given the chance?

“It is one thing, I guess, to steal even the shepherd or a king,” said teacher Mary McKernan. “But a baby Jesus? It is so sacrilegious.”

“Jesus is the reason for the season. So we should have him out there so that we can remember why we have Christmas,” Olson Tire Service customer Augusta Davis said.

“I said, ‘Hey, baby Jesus is gone,'” parishioner Marvin Marotz told the congregation of St. Paul Lutheran Church. “I kind of shocked everybody.”

“I noticed early in my shift that the Baby Jesus at the Burlington Park was missing,” the Lawrence County sheriff’s deputy wrote in his report. “I talked to Cory and William and they did advise they were in the car all day and did notice that the Baby Jesus was in the back seat where they were sitting. But all three individuals wouldn’t tell who had actually taken the Baby Jesus.”

“There was some discussion about using gorilla glue next time,” Pastor Brian Crocker said. “I think we will continue to put it out earlier in the Advent season, I know some people enjoy seeing it and for more than just one or two days a year.”

“I know he (Baby Jesus) was wired down,” Pastor Jim Higginson said. “They couldn’t just pick him up. They had to cut him loose.”

“It had horns drawn on it and a hole in its chest,” Huntington Detective Chris Sperry said. “Now every time I go down 5th Avenue I can look up, my kids can look up, and they can say ‘My dad fixed that.’ That gives you a good feeling.”

“I have no ill will to whoever stole Baby Jesus,” Linda Thomas wrote after the stolen Jesus was returned to her home in Conroe, Texas. “Just forgiveness. It’s very encouraging to witness good triumph over evil intentions, especially in light of tragedy in America. There is hope in Jesus Christ. The incident with Baby Jesus is a wonderful reminder to all of us that Jesus Christ is the centerpiece and the reason for Christmas.”

Photo by twodolla.