When In Rome… Don't Just Stand There

Not that you asked, but I’m in favor of immigrants in this country. Mostly because of all the imported-type food items they produce in restaurants devoted to the cuisine of their homelands. I am pro-Melting Pot, and if there’s some cheese in that pot, or some nice soup, then Welcome and God Bless America. Also, I believe the only people who may legitimately continue to bitch about immigrants in this country are the Indigenous Peoples who walked over the land bridge from Asia and ended up living all over the western hemisphere. According to Science, they are the original human inhabitants, so they get to complain all they want about the other humans who found their way over here to ruin everything. Everybody else needs to be quiet or prove to me you really have a strong desire to wash cars, dishes, toilets, etc., and your Dream of loading dishwashers at Chez Whitey was stolen from you by a greedy immigrant.

Furthermore, I don’t care what language the immigrants speak, as long as they can speak a language and read and write a language, and get a job and an education and a better job and, if they are not citizens but they are somehow earning a living here in The Land of Opportunity, they should start paying some taxes up in here most riki-tik. That’s the real mark of Citizenry, man, paying taxes. People should look at that as a Status Symbol, instead of whining, you should be like, “look at all the Infrastructure I am able to pay for around here with my giant tax bill!”

There’s other Good Citizen stuff, though, like not burning household refuse in your backyard and, most importantly, obeying all local traffic ordinances, such as driving on the correct side of the road, par example. That’s pretty reasonable, eh? Like, in England, if you were to go there and become an Immigrant, you hafta drive on the left-hand side of the road. Japan also, I think, you got the car with the steering wheel on the right-hand side of the automobile and you drive on the left. These are the practical rules of a civilization, so we will all move along in an orderly fashion with our stupid lives, doing stuff we think is Important, efficiently. Be civilized, in a Local manner, you know? Errbody’s all het-up these days about eating Local, well good, let’s behave Local, see how that works.

And it’s not just the Immigrants here. We have a Serious Problem during this time of Holiday Shopping concerning the simple Egress and Ingress of buildings. Look, if you are getting ready to enter a building, and you see people getting ready to exit the same building, through the very same entrance-hole you are approaching, you need to find a different way in, preferably to the right, or slow your fucking roll and let the people come out of the building before you go trying to get in there, OK? It’s like the building is a container, and there’s stuff you want to put inside the container (your person) but at the same time, through the same portal, there is stuff pouring out of the container (other persons). Let’s empty the container before we try and fill it, shall we? And if you are in the process of egesting from said container, poop yourself out via the right-hand side of the building’s doors, and pour your ass in the same way, to the right.

And when you are on the goddamn escalator, why do you stop walking up the steps? You will go twice as fast if you simply lift up your stupid lazy goddamn fucking feet! It’s boring standing still on an escalator! Or, OK, you’re exhausted, you can’t walk up another step, fine, then please to stay the hell to the right on the escalator step you are occupying so people who know how to do things can walk past your suddenly paralyzed form. And this goes double-triple for the “moving sidewalk” at the fucking airport. It is a moving sidewalk! Designed to maximize your speed going to airport places! Why the hell are you alla sudden standing still when you were just walking so good? Hurry the fuck up! “Hurrying up” in an airport means you should walk with your feet on the moving sidewalk, not just fucking stand there looking at the Hudson News! Make an effort with all this, for the sake of Civilization, seriously, I have places to go and things to eat.


Previously: Rich People, Only You Can Save Us With Your Holiday Shopping


Mr. Wrong can converse with you via many medias. Photo by Gane.