Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

The Worst Places To Wait On Line In Order Of How Much Time They Allow You To Imagine The Sad, Everyday Lives Of The People In Front Of You Until You Eventually Confront The Depressing Reality Of Your Own Existence And The Crushing Burden Of Being For All Of Us—A Pain Which Only Ends With Death, But Never Soon Enough

20. Liquor store

19. Food truck

18. Expensive coffee chain

17. Deli

16. Trader Joe's/Whole Foods/bougie consumables emporium

15. Tech/cellphone store

14. MetroCard machine

13. ATM

12. Office supply store

11. Coffee cart

10. Baggage claim

9. Greeting card/candle/knickknack/tchotchke establishment

8. Target/Walmart/K-Mart etc.

7. Anything at the mall around Christmas

6. Fast food restaurant

5. Post office

4. Cable company

3. DMV

2. Grocery store

1. Pharmacy

Photo by Andreser, via Shutterstock

33 Comments / Post A Comment

Dave Bry (#422)

"List Titles Without Commentary"

hershmire (#233,671)

I always feel death close at hand when I'm in a greeting card/candle/knickknack store, mostly because I hate potpourri.

Mr. B (#10,093)

21. Pharmacy, after rushing in five minutes before closing time wearing flip-flops, buying a box of condoms.

Myles Tanzer (#13,698)

The NYU bursar's office. The place where a lifetime of poverty is born.

HereKitty (#2,713)

So pleased to see "On Line" (and not "In Line") in this headline.

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

@HereKitty If you find yourself waiting "on line" for too long, just hit Refresh on your browser.

laurel (#4,035)

That is all the places tho.

Lockheed Ventura (#5,536)

No Methadone Clinic?

that_one_guy (#239,864)

The Planned Parenthood waiting room. No contest.

lovelettersinhell (#13,711)

@that_one_guy What, you don't like sleepy co-eds who browse their phones while hoping they don't have the clap?

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

@lovelettersinhell I like them better than their grandfathers using the word "co-eds"!

GailPink (#9,712)

Post Awful Should Be #1. Always. Because, What Line is Longer, I Ask Yez? (Assuming all Theme Park Ride Lines are Exempt?)

Faire Vanity (#236,359)

Port Authority, North Terminal, any shortline/Coach USA line

Gerald Howard (#190,076)

@Faire Vanity Considering that five days a week I am exactly on such a line — usually gate 308, 4:40 local to Monroe, getting off in Tuxedo — I am doing my best not to agree with you. Point taken, though.

I myself would cite the Motor Vehicle Bureau in any and all circumstances.

Glaring omission: baggage claim, but not the security line at the airport?

@Clarence Rosario There's a whole sub-genre just for the airport: waiting in line to board or deplane a flight makes me ambivalent about the safety of air travel.

The line for the restroom at any sporting venue, but especially MSG.

Lincoln Plaza Cinema.

Megan@twitter (#44,868)

Security line at Family Court in New York City.

Charlotte Flax (#234,743)

@Megan@twitter This definitely deserves to be at the top of the list.

sajrocks (#2,067)

Assuming you haven't been much to any post office branch above 110th. They make the pharmacies seem like a gorgeous, cheap, empty beach on a remote location of Vieques as-of-yet untouched by New York mag or The Times.

Lee Harper@twitter (#239,874)

Water park ride. The ill fitting bathingsuits combined with the bright summer sun lighting will make you find jesus.

iantenna (#5,160)


Mooderator (#241,711)

@iantenna I worked in a thrift store. I know… I know…

R0samond@twitter (#238,333)

Recycling center.

Gerald Howard (#190,076)

Motor Vehicle Bureau, yo.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

@Gerald Howard We call that the DMV here (#3).

MattP (#475)

Number one with a bullet.

catalina (#222,924)

I don't anticipate many of you have had the distinct pleasure of spending a day at social services in the Bronx. They make you wait on no less than FOUR lines. Humanity in ya face. Enough time to consider every ill-advised financial decision you've made in the 33 years on this earth leading up to that point.

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

@catalina Appending "in The Bronx" to any type of suffering would make it shoot up the list. Too easy.

catalina (#222,924)

@Niko Bellic Not sure what it says about me, but I'm fascinated by the Bronx and I love living here. Maybe because the only scene up here is 'crime scene.'

PoignancySelz (#238,693)

Waiting for my man.

libmas (#231)

#16? Does your Trader Joe's not sell booze? Because I look at my cart loaded up with $20 Bulleit Rye and $5 French rose, and I get a happy, expectant glow that overcomes a lot of existential troubles.

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