Merry Christmas: Pope Rallies World's Infidels Against Gays

But, whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood there on Christmas Eve hating the Whos.
What’s the pope up to, this Christmas? Oh, just rallying the world’s other intolerant religious leaders against the global menace of gay people registering at Macy’s. Nothing says “Peace on Earth and good will towards men” like a yuletide jihad against same-sex marriage—because if there’s anything the story of Christ’s birth teaches us, it’s to stigmatize and then attack people who lack legal and societal protections.

Pope Benedict on Friday signaled the Vatican was ready to forge alliances with other religions against gay marriage, saying the family was threatened “to its foundations” by attempts to change its “true structure.”

The pope’s latest denunciation of gay marriage came in a Christmas address to Vatican officials in which he blended religion, philosophy, anthropology and sociology to illustrate the position of the Roman Catholic Church.


The old saying about “obsessive hatred of gays makes for strange bedfellows” is certainly true today, as a wicked old man in a bejeweled dress takes a break from protecting his church’s child molesters to join France’s chief rabbi in a worldwide campaign against homosexual couples. Wasn’t the Vatican still blaming the Jews for “murdering Jesus” until fairly recently, like when Pope Joseph Ratzinger was just another young Nazi soldier with a crazy dream?

The Vatican is even teaming up with its chief enemies for the past millennium, the Muslims. People who worship other gods may be going to Hell forever, according to Catholicism, but they can be roped into opposition of pro-gay legislation wherever it pops up. Muslims in Scotland are a recent example of the Vatican encouraging infidels to protest a government’s tolerance.

The Pope used his Christmastime speech to propagandize for adherence to the “preordained duality of man and woman,” or the same male-female coupling the church prohibits for its male clergy, because they are supposedly married to Christ, which is a blatantly gay concept. “When such commitment is repudiated,” Benedict said, “the key figures of human existence likewise vanish: father, mother, child. Essential elements of the experience of being human are lost.”

No wonder priests are so messed up! They’ve been denied the “essential elements of the experience of being human.” This happens when people are denied their “nature,” doesn’t it? Luckily, there is an easy way to solve the problem and let people have the rich interpersonal lives that God wants for all of us, even Muslims and Jews: Encourage people to marry the spouse of their choice.