Football Pick Haikus For Week 14

Thursday, December 6

Denver -10 At Oakland

Peyton Manning will
recreate the flashlight scene
from Manhandled 4. PICK: RAIDERS

Sunday, December 9

At Washington -2.5 Baltimore

Bet on RG3;
fix your Fiscal Cliff! Lead us
to a late field goal. PICK: REDSKINS

At Cleveland -6.5 Kansas City

Brandon Weeden is
actually pretty good and
he can fly my sleigh. PICK: BROWNS

At Pittsburgh 6.5 San Diego

The Chargers get to
continue playing football
games for some reason PICK: STEELERS

At Indianapolis -5.5 Tennessee

One is supposed to
Remember the Titans but
it’s just boring to. PICK: COLTS

NY Jets -2.5 At Jacksonville

The Jets should just keep
on winning so I don’t have
to read about next year. PICK: JAGS

Chicago -3 At Minnesota

The Bears should win but
they should have won last week, too.
Plus I like purple. PICK: VIKINGS

Atlanta -3.5 At Carolina

The Falcons are the
best worst team I can think of
since the Pet Shop Boys. PICK: FALCONS

At Tampa Bay -7.5 Philadelphia

The Eagles go on
the road and should not ever
return to Philly PICK: BUCS

At Buffalo -3 St. Louis

The Rams defense is
pretty good, but Bills possess
a strange red allure. PICK: BILLS

At Cincinnati -3 Dallas

Dez Bryant is a
great receiver, but Tony
Romo’s Ebola. PICK: BENGALS

At San Francisco -10 Miami

If Miami beats the
spread I will rename my
penis Don Shula. PICK: DOLPHINS

At NY Giants -5 New Orleans

Giants turn Drew Brees
into a tasty pate.
Hey! That ain’t gumbo! PICK: GIANTS

At Seattle -10 Arizona

The Cardinals have lost
like 7 in a row which
is not an easy thing PICK: CARDS

At Green Bay -7 Detroit

Lambeau Field should have
those snow machines so that the
tundra’s always frozen. PICK: PACKERS

Monday, December 10

At New England -3.5 Houston

The Patriots will
probably lose this game just
to make me worry PICK: PATS


Last week’s Haiku Picks went 9-7. That’s 91-98-4. New goal: let’s break even!



Jim Behrle tweets at @behrle for your possible amusement.