"Here We Come Assailing" (Traditional)

“For those of us who have any active associations with wassail, they are probably musical. ‘Here We Come a-Wassailing’ is about as likely to turn up on your supermarket’s holiday Muzak loop as ‘The Christmas Song’ or ‘Frosty the Snowman.'”
Today in the Times‘ Dining section, Rosie Schaap provides a recipe for and history of the traditional holiday drink wassail. Wassail is a warm punch made of cider and ale and spices that is enjoying a comeback in Brooklyn cocktail bars. It is intended to enliven spirits and lower inhibitions so as to encourage people to join in a Yuletide sing-along. But Wassail comes from England, which is important to remember. And it is usually served in a heavy glass mug. Here’s the proper way to sing it.

Here we come assailing
Among the glass unclean
Here we attack a’wontonly
All liquored up and mean
Love and joy come to you
But bloody stabbings, too
And God bless you, and send you
Straight to the ICU,
And God send you a Happy New Year.

We are not daily beggars
That beg from door to door,
But we are thuggish neighbors
Whose hoodies you deplore.
Love and joy come to you,
But ultraviolence, too,
And God bless you, and send you
Straight to the ICU
And God send you a Happy New Year.

Good master and good mistress,
As you sit beside the fire,
Do not sit so close perhaps
We yobs do love a pyre.
Love and joy come to you,
But lacerations, too,
And God bless you, and send you
Straight to the ICU,
And God send you a Happy New Year

You have a little purse
Made of ratching leather skin;
We want some of your small change
Or we’ll stab your face right in.
Love and joy come to you,
And fifty stitches, too,
And God bless you, and send you
Straight to the ICU,
And God send you a Happy New Year.

Bring us out a table
And spread it with a cloth;
We’ll smash our wassail glasses on it,
And cut your left ear off.
Love and joy come to you,
But the curse of England, too
And God bless you, and send you
Straight to the ICU,
And God send you a Happy New Year.