School cancelled tomorrow *commits suicide*
— Rumaan Alam (@Rumaan) October 30, 2012
If you're a lucky New York City resident and you live in Brooklyn or north of Penn Station, you have power and TV. If you're unlucky, you don't have power, and everyone is getting petulant. If you're way less lucky, there's a tree through your living room and your basement is full of water, and I'm very sorry to hear that. I hope your cats are okay. Let me know if I can help!
So now we know it'll be "days and days" until there is a subway again. Because it is filled with water and rats and water-bloated rat carcasses and electrical sparking. Like who knows how many days.
On the plus side: free MTA bus service on Tuesday and Wednesday, whenever it starts, circa 5 p.m. And there are "cars."
But for most of us, no one's going anywhere anytime soon. And that is… stressful. (Not stressful like your building being surrounded by water and actual howling winds! But stressful like "Maybe I will divorce you or maybe I will kill my roommates, time will tell.")
And if you have kids, they have no school until at least Thursday. And you already want to kill them. Which is reasonable. We told you not to have kids, but no one listens, and here you are. Give them all the iPads. Consult our Netflix list. But then what? Whatever can you do?
SEND THE ANNOYING PEOPLE IN YOUR HOUSE OUT ON PHONE-CHARGING DUTY.
Didn't get AT&T service until I walked to 27th. Didn't see power until 39th. This the scene 39th–63rd at every ATM twitter.com/ohnorosco/stat…
— Ross Miller (@ohnorosco) October 30, 2012
WORK OUT AND EAT.
— sarah kunst (@sarahkunst) October 30, 2012
USE A PAYPHONE FOR RETRO GROSSOUT THRILLS.
How bad is the power outage? Bad enough that I used a New York City PAY PHONE this morning. My skin is still crawling.
— Jessica Coen (@jessicacoen) October 30, 2012
OUT SOME TROLLS.
— Adam Frucci (@frucci) October 30, 2012
GO SEE SOME ART?
All Gagosians New York are open today, Tue, Oct 30. Hope everyone in NYC is safe. Now go see some art! fb.me/1Ojqceb3s
— Gagosian Gallery (@Gagosian) October 30, 2012
HARASS MITT ROMNEY ABOUT FEMA.
Pool reporter at Romney campaign event asked 5 times if he would eliminate FEMA/how he'd handle agency. "He ignored the questions."
— Ram Ramgopal (@RamCNN) October 30, 2012
Doesn't matter: this storm and his views on FEMA are going to be the nail in his coffin.
SURE, ALSO, RIGHT: DONATE.
Red Cross tells us grateful for Romney donation but prefer people send money or donate blood dont collect goods NOT best way to help #Sandy
— Andrea Mitchell (@mitchellreports) October 30, 2012
OR PHONE BANK FROM HOME.
— Brian Dennert (@dennert) October 30, 2012
EXTRA PRO TIPS:
• Just keep making up errands for them to get out of the house. "I HEARD THERE ARE FREE SANDWICHES 19 BLOCKS AWAY, GO GET ONE."
• Force your children and/or roommates to finally learn how to cook food themselves. Start with "pasta" because they need to learn about boiling water.
• Learn a language together. (JK, don't learn anything. That's as bad as "reading a book.") But hey, if you're the person who trained your child to be quiet with an iPad, this is all your fault.
• Or of course you could just lock yourself up in your room and/or a closet, and get working on your novel.
• WHAT ELSE? Tell everyone on your Tumblr somewhere else.