Monday, October 8th, 2012
16

Accounts of Heaven Severely Contradictory

Where do you go if you want the traffics and the attention? Straight into the bosom of Jesus! The New Yorker today publishes (subscription-only!) a profile of Lynn Vincent, the best-selling bookwriter that you don't know. She wrote Heaven is Real (oh actually called HEAVEN IS FOR REAL), which has sold more than seven million copies. (And also Sarah Palin's book!) That is eerie, because the cover of Newsweek this week is also headlined "Heaven Is Real." That is some world-class SEO trolling, Tina Brown's Newsweek. But the problem is, the story told in Newsweek by a doctor about going to heaven and coming back does not match up at all to the story told in the book Heaven Is For Real. In Newsweek the magazine, heaven is all clouds and nice voices. Also you ride with hot chicks in "peasant" clothing on the wings of butterflies. (Not kidding, that's what the Newsweek says.) There are winged angels. But in the popular factual best-seller Heaven Is Real, well, everyone gets wings.

The obvious answer is that these two people who died and came back went to two different heavens.

16 Comments / Post A Comment

Mount_Prion (#290)

This depresses me in the same way as NBC commercials that announce how many tens of millions of people are watching the awful, awful show.

There are so so so many of them and they're reproducing at a much faster rate than we are.

James Olbermann (#223,782)

@Mount_Prion Congratulations! You watched a movie.

barnhouse (#1,326)

INFINITY HEAVENS obviously. Mine is like an awesome dinner party forever and has photographs of Alex Balk and Balthus paintings.

jolie (#16)

@barnhouse You're not concerned that those photographs might ruin your appetite?

Heaven is a franchise.. like KFC, similar branding but different experiences.

"Wings! How many goddamn three year olds do I have to flatline before one of the little bastards gets it right?" -God

Michael Schiavo (#3,967)

"Also you ride with hot chicks in 'peasant' clothing on the wings of butterflies." This is the first thing about the afterlife that anyone has ever written that makes total sense, even, or especially, in paraphrase.

Dave Bry (#422)

Amazing. It's almost as if people who have near-death experiences might just be imagining different things they've thought or heard about heaven during their lifetimes, and are somehow, strangely—during this experience that one would assume to be so objective and lucid and free-from any mitigating psychological factors—confusing their own imaginations with empirical evidence.

jfruh (#713)

Say check it out it's a winged angel just like a substiantial majority of Christians assume inahbit heaven!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mharrsch/7898646/

OH WAIT IT'S A FIGURE FROM A PAGAN ROMAN TOMB AND LATER THAT PAGAN CIVILIZATION CONVERTED TO CHRISTIANITY AND ADOPTED PRE-EXISTING ICONOGRAPHY TO ITS NEW BELIEFS HUH YOU DON'T SAY

deepomega (#1,720)

@jfruh Pretty sure Jesus had wings bro.

MichelleDean (#7,041)

Heaven is heteronormative.

LondonLee (#922)

If there's a heaven I hope it looks like this

grandpa27 (#804)

Oota uchmay apcry.

Smoking_Robot (#7,632)

I went to heaven once, right after I took a nice hit of DMT

gregorg (#30)

I'm not sure obviously means what you think it means.

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