Tuesday, July 17th, 2012

142 Distinctly Non-Threatening Rap Names

1) M.C. Shy-D
2) Nice & Smooth
3) Greg Nice
4) Prime Minister Pete Nice
5) Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
6) Q-Tip
7) Q-Bert
8) Krumb Snatcha
9) Lil Scrappy
10) Scoob Luva
11) Scrap Luva
12) McGruff
13) Snoop Doggy Dogg
14) Lil Bow Wow
15) Naughty by Nature
16) Souls of Mischief
17) Delite
18) MC Lyte
19) Gizmo
20) Milk Dee
21) Lovebug Starski
22) Super Lover Cee
23) Joeski Love
24) Moe Love
25) Monie Love
26) Lonnie Love
27) Herbie Love Bug
28) The Jazzy 3
29) DJ Jazzy Jeff
30) DJ Jazzy Joyce
31) Jazzy Jay
32) Juicy J
33) Crunchy Black
34) DJ Pooh
35) MC Pooh
36) Pooh Man
37) Doug E. Fresh
38) Warren G
39) Kendrick Lamar
40) Black Hippy
41) Schoolboy Q
42) College Boyz
43) Large Professor
44) Professor Griff
45) Professor X
46) DJ Clark Kent
47) Brainpower
48) Richie Rich
49) Rich Boy
50) Kwame the Boy Genius
51) Juvenile
52) Baby
53) Baby Girl
54) Da Bush Babees
55) Da Brat
56) Kid N' Play
57) Kid Cudi
58) Paperboy
59) The Fat Boys
60) Buffy
61) Puff Daddy
62) Mr. Cheeks
63) Pretty Lou
64) Bowlegged Lou
65) Sweet Lou
66) Sweet G
67) Sweet T
68) Suga T
69) Shooga Bear
70) Sugar Free
71) Special Ed
72) Special K
73) Positive K
74) Goodie Mob
75) Sparky D
76) Dimples D
77) DJ Smurf
78) Bang 'Em Smurf
79) Charlie Brown
80) Chali 2na
81) The Lox
82) Pudgee the Fat Bastard
83) The Fugees
84) Fu-Schnickens
85) Shorty Shitstain
86) Messy Marv
87) Charlie Brown
88) Magoo
89) Kurious Jorge
90) Dangermouse
91) Ant Banks
92) Busy Bee
93) Butterfly
94) Doodlebug
95) Ladybug Mecca
96) Humpty Hump
97) Fruitkwon
98) MC Twist
99) Hi-C
100) Pumpkin
101) Pookey Blow
102) Nappy Roots
103) Swizz Beats
104) The Bizzie Boyz
105) Bizzy Bone
106) Layzie Bone
107) Krayzie Bone
108) Krazy Eddie
109) Luniz
110) Beastie Boys
111) Sporty Thievz
112) Sir Mix-A-Lot
113) Vanilla Ice
114) Black Sheep
115) Buddha Monk
116) Stop the Violence Movement
117) Tame One
118) Meek Mill
119) Run
120) DJ Yella
121) DJ Clark Kent
122) Mims
123) Fabolous
124) Fashion
125) Inspector Deck
126) KMG the Illustrator
127) Poet
128) Novelist
129) J.R. Writer
130) The Diplomats
131) Lil Flip
132) Common Sense
133) Just Four
134) Rappermatical 5
135) Little Brother
136) Parental Advisory
137) Biggie Smalls
138) Earl Sweatshirt
139) Casey Veggies
140) City Spud
141) Too Short
142) Trugoy the Dove


28 Comments / Post A Comment

roboloki (#1,724)

tight e. whitey is my rap name.

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@roboloki Morris E. Smith is my British song-writer name.

Danzig! (#5,318)

@roboloki In high school my friends and I were part of a "fake rap" crew. They were Forbes and Heineken, I was NASDAQ.

God we were so insufferable

Eric Spiegelman (#3,968)

You forgot Speech and One Love!

Dave Bry (#422)

Speech is certainly a non-threatening rapper. (Gratingly non-threatening, in fact.) But as I was thinking about it, I couldn't find anything distinctly non-threatening about his name. "Speech" seems neutral to me in that regard. One Love, I had not heard of until just now.

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

Naughty by Nature at 15?! But it's in their nature to be naughty, they don't even have to try to be naughty. Watch out if they actually put some effort into their naughtiness. (Never realized how much I hate the word naughty until now.)

jfruh (#713)


Also, isn't Too Short properly Too $hort, which is menacing in a class war kind of way?

Also also, I was more into Prime Minister Pete Nice back when he was Leader of the Opposition Pete Nice.

(Seriously, this list is a never-ending gold mine of hilarity and you are a hero for compiling it.)

Multiphasic (#411)

By process of induction, we can assume Dave Bry is deeply wary of Funky Homosapiens.

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

Handsome Boy Modeling School

Dave Bry (#422)

Good one! (And, in reference to your excellent comment above, this list is in not ranked any order.)

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@Dave Bry Thanks there's just so many! "…in order" would be an exercise in redundancy. Who has the time?

Multiphasic (#411)

@Dave Bry Prince Paul and Dan the Automator? The Riches in league with the Machines? HOW CAN YOU JUST STAND THERE?

skahammer (#587)

"Okay, whatever," said L(adies) L(ove) Cool J(ames).

Ham Snadwich (#11,842)

I feel like having Nice and Smooth *and* Greg Nice is double dipping.

Speaking of double dipping, I'd like to mention Gucci Mane's ice cream cone and lightning bolts face tattoo. Least tough facial tattoo since The Game covered up his butterfly.

Also clearly missing is Nipsey Hussle.

Danzig! (#5,318)

@Ham Snadwich Don't quote me on this, but I think it's a reference to crystal meth street slang, sort of how the Electronic Arts corporate logo tattooed on his throat makes no sense until you remember that, much like EA Sports, Gucci is In The Game.

Ham Snadwich (#11,842)

@Danzig! – Lets not forget that he had also just been released from a mental health facility.

Danzig! (#5,318)

@Ham Snadwich By my recollection he had gotten them before he was consigned to the facility and they were used as evidence that he needed to be committed, though I could be misremembering.

Ham Snadwich (#11,842)

@Danzig! – I feel like either makes sense.

Flavor Flav
Puffy Combs
Jolly Rancher
Dave the White Rapper
King Ralph
Teapot Dome
Large Marge
Carrot Top
Greg Proops
Sea of Balls
Cartoon Presidents
Ice Cream Headache
Jefferson Starship

OuackMallard (#774)

Hilarious. But any rap name with the word "Black" in it has to count as threatening to a certain segment of the population.

Cooper (#5,827)

Can we get an honorary listing for Common dubbing Drake "Canada Dry"?

Danzig! (#5,318)

I didn't see Del Tha Funky Homosapien on the list, unless my eyes are going bad.

Also, who wants to hold forth on the Gathering of the Juggalos lineup? Bafflingly, the best rap lineup of any festival this year. Too bad it's the Gathering of the Juggalos.

You forgot 2-Chainz, aka Tity Boi.

Dave Bry (#422)

You're right. Tity Boi should definitely be on there.

Gnou (#220,072)

34) DJ Pooh
35) MC Pooh
36) Pooh Man

So I take it standard Poohs are fine but Rapper Big Pooh is too much? Even though he is a member of 135) Little Brother?

Questlove, although he's not actually a rapper.

s. (#775)

Considering his menacing persona, Eazy-E had a really unthreatening name.

Lao Hei (#7,934)


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