Thursday, May 10th, 2012
21

Mitt Romney's Shocking Secret: I Was a Teen Illiterate!


“Mitt Romney Comments on Kennedy Funeral,” read the front page headline on the Dec. 17, 1963, edition of the Crane. “Note: Personal comments and observations made by Mitt Romney in Washington, Nov. 25, 1963.”

“The old Washington theory of relativity, briefly: one is important only until a bigger brass appears, was blatently [sic] obvious for whenever before have we had the top potentates of the world here to outrank our dignitaries? We all recall the day when we saw a senator of the like in some big, black limosine [sic] drive through our town. Most likely our mouths were hanging wide open as our Mommies and Daddies told us the man out there was a very important person who worked in Washington.”

Mitt Romney might have gone to a great school but they sure didn't teach him much English. He was just shy of 17-years-old when he wrote that.

21 Comments / Post A Comment

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

Bad writers are bad people.

SidAndFinancy (#4,328)

At least he makes a tasteful point in the immediate aftermath of a national tragedy. About limousines, or something?

Matt (#26)

Get that kid a Tumblr.

salvo (#8,697)

If Mitt ca. 1963 is even generally representative, it's reassuring to see that the youth of America were terrible writers even back then.

C_Webb (#855)

"Whenever before" is my favorite era in American history.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

I keep waiting for Crispin Glover to say "Get your damn hands off her" and clock him.

But I know something about you
You went to Cranbrook, that's a private school
What's the matter dawg, embarrassed, is that it?
This guy's a gangster? His real name's Mitt.

saythatscool (#101)

@Clarence Rosario I went to Cranbrook too! So did Matt Gallaway!

@saythatscool ain't no such thing as half-way crooks.

Nate Jones@facebook (#233,346)

Someone get that boy a thought catalog!

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Deadline for voter registration in Ohio: October 9. Plenty of time to find a place in Bexley, Clintonville or German Village.

Mount_Prion (#290)

Are you sure that this was not ghost-written by Professor Irwin Corey?

jfruh (#713)

"The old Washington theory of relativity — stated briefly, that one is important only until a bigger brass appears — was blatantly obvious. For when have we had the top potentates of the world here to outrank our dignitaries? We all recall the day when we saw a senator or the like in some big, black limousine drive through our town. Most likely our mouths were hanging wide open as our Mommies and Daddies told us the man out there was a very important person who worked in Washington."

Poor kid was failed by his editor, is all.

He writes retahded.

freetzy (#7,018)

Was anyone else surprised when that article turned on a dime to its "Alex Balk does the weather" close? South Bend, Indiana; mental illness; dressage classes; military contracts; mortuary licensing; and thinning, bleached hair unto inevitable Seattle-based death.

@freetzy Aside from the hate crime (I mean hijinks!) this part disturbed me the most:
"Romney and his older brother, Scott, dressed up in white coats and wheeled a gurney up to the Birmingham train station to meet their aunt. When she got off the train, they rushed her away as if to a madhouse."

pepper (#676)

The line would have been even more disingenuous if his father hadn't been freaking governor of the state at the time. Also: What is it with the tendency for Republican dignitaries to come from the ranks of male cheerleaders. Are they compensating for something?

AnotherStrayCat (#4,970)

I didn't know Mormons spoke in tongues.

Wondering if all those hyphens are necessary in "17-years-old." Not a copy editor, here, but my dad was and he was hell on nonsensical hyphens, especially in posts about how Romney as a kid don't write so good.

I've learned to tune into the Awl late in the day and scroll back to the morning posts when Choire seems to get out of bed thinking serious thoughts about journalism and his business, but everyone ignores those posts and we get on to the day's work, which to be gentle about it seems to be thinking up cute things to say about minor irritants. Don't want to complain, but things around here seem to have gotten, I don't know, maybe facile if that's a right word.

Which, I want to express appreciation for the morning Choire serious journalism business stuff, while pointing out that this goddamn illiterate and illogical salting with hyphens, jeez you got to watch that.

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