Monday, February 6th, 2012
8

A Drynuary Diary: The Frothy Aftermath

John Ore: Oh, Jolie! I just had the strangest dream! And you were there and everyone here and…Kurt Loder?…And I remember that some of it wasn't very nice… but most of it was beautiful. But just the same, all I kept saying to everybody was, I want to go home. And they sent me home.

Jolie Kerr: Well you know what they say—there's no place like etc.! So hey, old friend, it feels like it's been years. Where ya been? How ya been? (Oh God, my head hurts so badly.)

John: Oh, you know, the usual: celebrating my wife's birthday with drinks at the Waldorf, celebrating the Giants' Super Bowl victory with a growler of Barrier Imposter Pils. No big deal.

Fitting end to Our Little Ordeal. My Last Temptation Of Drynuary consisted of mixing drinks for my wife on the eve of her birthday. (She tapped out 24 hours before me, deservedly so, but still logged 31 days). Toughest job I ever loved: at one point, I spilled rye on my fingers, and instead of treating it like a dripping ice cream cone, I WASHED IT OFF IN THE SINK. I felt like I was handling nuclear material.

Jolie: I don't even understand why you decided to go the extra day. OH WAIT. I bet it's so that you can feel EXTRA smug when we tally things up. In which case, I'm going to tell you that you (and plenty of other people) took a terrible drubbing at the hands of some friends of mine who think it PATENTLY ABSURD that you all denied me my O'Doul's but let me knock off of Drynuary on the 27th.

Of course I didn't exactly ask your permission to duck out early, now did I? Because I'm not that concerned with being liked. Please. We should discuss reentry. How did you break the fast and how did you feel during and after?

John: Hey, I explicitly gave you a pass on Luger's from the get-go. That, coupled with extending my Drynuary into overtime, allows me to win the oh-so-important Smug Battle. That's all that matters to me in the minds of "your friends."

But! We're all back on a level playing field now. We walked over the coals together, did the Trust Fall, signed each others' yearbooks. (I was voted Most Likely to Lord Things Over You).

I like that we both ended Drynuary by making it an occasion, rather than cracking open a beer and watching reruns of "House." For you, it was a martini at Peter Luger's. For me, it was a Brooklyn at Blue Hill for my wife's birthday: I'd been fixated on having a rye whiskey drink to break the fast. Watching the bartender make it was like foreplay. OMFG, it was the most delicious thing ever. I swear, after two sips I was concerned that I'd done irreparable damage to my tolerance, and would be curled up under the table by the time the appetizers were cleared. A couple of glasses of wine later (not to mention hitting two more bars after dinner!), I found my groove. No hangover on Saturday morning either! It's a Drynuary Miracle!

So take us through that first martini at Luger's.

Jolie: Actually, I broke with a glass of pinot grigio. I know! So unlike me. But our timing got a little thrown off and we ended up meeting for cocktails before Luger's so I went for the grape juice and let me tell you, I was sucking it down like my life depended on it. Nothing has ever tasted so good. It was, quite frankly, embarrassing. I could hear myself slurping and my glass was noticeably draining faster than those of my companions. One of whom was my mother.

And then. Then! That Luger's martini, oh man, it was so good. Just delicious and purely alcoholic and salty and alahsflkahdlkhsdg as our Higher Power would say. I sipped it, thank God, and then had one more glass of wine with dinner before heading home. Of course, once we got home we proceeded to DRINK ALL THE WINE AND SMOKE ALL THE CIGARETTES and oh ouch did I ever hurt the next day. As punishment I washed the floors at 8 a.m.

John: Yeah, I got a little cocky after Friday night. My tolerance hasn't kept up with my appetite, and 7 a.m. Sunday morning wakeups were easier in Drynuary. The weekend was full of occasions to celebrate, but I'm looking forward to dialing it back during the week. Part of my promise to bring a little bit of Drynuary with me through the year. I'm sure that will last past, say, tonight!

Jolie: Speaking of keeping Drynuary with us, I do have some sad news to report: the return to the drink has not particularly agreed with me. I've had some jitters and some anxiety and have found that even one drink can mean I'm in for a world of hurt the next day. So I need to watch it, like, seriously. Which is the worst thing ever and I blame you entirely. WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME??

John: I think there's a bug going around. It's called Getting Older.

Jolie: I'll buy that for a dollar. Shall we leaderboard?

John: LOL, "leaderboard"!

Jolie: More like "loserboard".

Week Five, Post-Drynuary

Alcohol Consumed (units) Since End Of Drynuary
Jolie: 1 vodka martini extra extra dirty, 1 manhattan with extra extra cherries, 2 bourbons on the rocks, 2 coffees with bourbon, 4 mimosas, 14 Blue Moons, ALL THE WINE
John: 17

Days Without Booze During Drynuary
Jolie: 26 (January 1-27)
John: 32 (January 2-February 3)

Disposition
Jolie: A little a'fuss
John: Relieved

Irritability (scale of 0-10)
Jolie: 4
John: 2

Outlook
Jolie: Oh dear.
John: Moderating moderation.

Shakes
Jolie: A little bit maybe?
John: Not stirred.

Smugness (scale of 0-10)
Jolie: 0, I've been lying in a heap since falling off the wagon, not much here to feel smug about
John: 1, until my tolerance comes back, gonna have to ride my 32-day-smugness until it runs dry

Sounder Sleeping
Jolie: I woke up in the middle of the night and announced that "the f@&#ing moon is staring at me."
John: Nope, that ship has sailed. Ugh.

Substitute Activities
Jolie: Who needs activities??
John: Finding something else to write about!



John: So, what have we learned? Was this whole thing "a teachable moment"?

Jolie: Yes it was. AND NOT IN THE GOOD WAY. I swear to God, John, if you've put me off the sauce….

John:Wait, you signed the waiver, right? I'm absolved of any loss or damage you might experience in Drynuary.

Jolie: You'll be hearing from my lawyer.

John: Looking forward to it. We'll meet over drinks.



Jolie Kerr is too hungover to think of a clever byline. John Ore is getting to old for this shit.

8 Comments / Post A Comment

Flaneur (#998)

Welcome back! I'll tell you, I had such an end-of-the-world headache the morning after the conference championship games (much of a growler of IPA; one Bud; considerable red wine) that I thought I might never drink (or think, or move other than to writhe) again. I missed work that Monday, which in a Morissettian irony then made it untenable for me to miss work the following Monday, when I actually had a cold. I saw the appeal of Drynuary. Maybe next year.

SeanP (#4,058)

@Flaneur the considerable red wine would have done me in all by itself. When visiting my brother a few years ago over Christmas, I drank at least a bottle of whatever red wine he was pouring. Until that next morning I had never understood the concept of pain so bad you would kill yourself to make it stop. My head was beyond pounding.

Mr. B (#10,093)

Blue Moon. I mean.

I congratulate you both. Though as a dry lifer, I'm glad it's over. I'm tired of being reminded of my freakishly obsessive unsloshiness. What's next? A month of early morning yoga and health shakes?

jill6kevie (#213,979)

@NotAndersonCooper ???

I'm delighted to report that, partly because of the Drynuary project, I have been dry since February 1st after 30+ years of drinking each and every day. No rehab, no AA, no Patch, no nothing. I set up a blog page where those who want to do the same thing and commiserate on their struggle can check in, but unfortunately one has dropped by the wayside (his wife is dying of lung cancer — that would drive me to drink) and another didn't let me know he'd already been sober for three years and just wanted to follow my progress. My sister is doing it as well but she works for a sensitive govt. agency and can't be seen around the blog, but she's doing it!

There's still time for you! I'm not planning to be drinking again for at least ten years!

Email me at nick#montrealfood.com if you want to join the party! Better late than never! You can start March 1. I'll have the knowledge from being two weeks ahead of you. Druggies welcome too! We're not religious and we all have a vast sense of humor. Come on down! Thanks, John and Jolie!

Thank you, Drynuary guys. It's going on three months (May 1) and I'm still off the sauce. Yes, it's all thanks to you. Now: what do you do with an addiction to Dilaudid?

nick#montrealfood.com

tonbo0422@twitter (#234,619)

Coming up on five months. Join the miracle: nick#montrealfood.com

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