"With her fulfilling managerial job and enviable 18th century cottage, 27-year-old Abigail Gavin has already achieved what many women in their late 20s aspire to. What Abigail doesn’t have is..."
—Guess what Abigail doesn't have! GUESS!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
40
Ooooh is this the place where we're gonna talk about the woman who's been married to three horrible husbands and wants the rest of us to stop being such slutty bitches so we can be just like her???
@jolie Hoo boy. I had to take a break halfway through that one.
@jolie - Holy crap that article is fantastic. As a "Man of character' I am delighted someone is explaining to the ladies that they need to stop being so "independent" and passive. It's a wonder this lady hasn't been married 70 times, because what modern man could resist a woman who only fucks in order to land a husband, refuses to assert herself out of fear of me being terrified (because we're all such horrible misogynists that only men are allowed to get angry ever) and refuses to let me do any of my beloved cooking because she knows she belongs in the kitchen whipping me up meatloaf.
Also, my "free-agent penis" is my most cherised position? Sheeeeeeee-it, I'm really trying to lock things down with one of those Albert Pujols contracts, where my 'free agent' gets faaaaaar more than it's worth committed to it for a faaaaaaar longer time than it deserves based on past performance rather than probable future ability.
@Leon Saint-Jean Don't forget you have to backload that contract so your wife can also sign CJ Wilson's penis. Or something.
Everything about that article was a God damned delight. I'm so glad I know how I can land myself a terrible marriage!
@Leon Saint-Jean : ... one of those Albert Pujols contracts ...
A Joseph Pujol contract is, of course, something else altogether.
@Gef the Talking Mongoose Pujol was his real name?!? That's completely beyond a reasonable suspension of disbelief!
@jolie Have you ever seen Kim Kardashian angry? I didn't think so.
Why You're Not Married: You're Not A Kardashian? Or, You Are.
@Clarence Rosario
All I want is the cottage. So I can proceed to fill it entirely with wet towels.
@jolie
"You'll still be you, with twice as much laundry."
Obviously, being an opinionated, angry slut is the only way to avoid taking on some other perfectly capable adult's life maintenance tasks. Thank heavens.
How's the wifi in her creaky, poorly insulated, constantly in need of repair house? I mean this is what the modern man wants. At least that's what I'm told by magazines.
@theheckle : NO WIFI ONLY TEALIGHTS.
@Gef the Talking Mongoose: And cushions. Don't forget the cushions.
a pony?
@happymisanthrope a polar bear cub?
@happymisanthrope
A limited-time-offer Greatest Hits album?
@happymisanthrope Silly boys. The answer is, of course, more luxury leather goods.
@RamonaRanchera (although I guess a pony and a polar bear cub could fall into this category, if tastefully taxidermied, and arranged in a whimsical tableau in the inglenook.)
@happymisanthrope more cowbell?
‘Being single means I can spend the money I earn however I like and I can have my home the way I want it,’ she explains.
Ohhhh. Poor thing. She's been to paradise, but she's never been to her.
"I don’t have to pick up a man’s wet towels off the floor, put up with him playing computer games day and night and I don’t have to fight for my share of the duvet."
I don't know where to begin.
You can@whizz_dumb You can start by getting rid of your man, seriously they're disgusting.
@whizz_dumb You're right. And the best way to do that is to drive them out to a remote (football) field, drop them off and tell them to "go on", and then drive away crying?
@whizz_dumb If you throw the wet towels ON the computer game, you can kill several birds and one guy with one stone.
@whizz_dumb Do make sure you drive far enough though; like other household pests, they will just show up again in a corner of the living room. The trick is to leave them in a location sufficiently remote that they would have to ask directions to find their way back. It's the Useful Application of Stereotypes!
@RamonaRanchera
If you drop them off with a joystick and/or a remote in their hands, they might not even notice they've been dumped in a remote location.
@City_Dater Genius.
@whizz_dumb Geez, you're cruel. Don't they have humane society shelters for this?
EEK SINGLE WOMAN KILL IT KILL IT WITH FIRE
I'm a little disappointed there isn't a picture of the 18th Century cottage.
@laurel Yeah, that was the part that made me click over...
@laurel actual photo
@NotAndersonCooper Stop looking into my soul.
@NotAndersonCooper I have an art history degree, have worked in the arts all my professional life, really hate hotel art, but desperately want to live in a Thomas Kincaid painting.
@NotAndersonCooper That house appears to be thatched with sweater.
@dntsqzthchrmn And it has green smoke! SO cute. That is some crazy painting technique, but still want to live in that.
@Rosebud I've seen green smoke, in the part of western Maryland where I think they filmed Tuck Everlasting. Chenille roofing, however, is new to me.
@dntsqzthchrmn It's called Heather Hutch. Obviously they raise Angora rabbits for the construction trade.
Men will never marry managers. That's just a fact.
... a vagina.