It's been a while since we've played "Explaining Metropolitan Diary" (previously; and also; to be sure) but... well, here we are, with today's fourth item:
Dear Diary:This item is enraging in at least four ways.Recently, I made an interesting discovery. The eccentric middle-aged man who parades around my quiet Queens suburb sheathed in gowns of the most extravagantly tacky sort, while pushing his companion, a toylike pink and orange poodle (dressed to the nines of course) in an equally ostentatious stroller, is, in fact, a lawyer.
Emily Gifford
1. How was the fact of the lawyerhood discovered?
2. What manner of law does he practice?
3. Which Queens suburb?
4. In what way was the poodle dressed to the nines? Are we talking just cute poodle tops? Or poodle separates?
In any event, the whole matter is suspect, because, Jesus, have you met lawyers? Yeah, no "eccentrics" there.
I actually suspect that the letter-writer feels warmly and enthusiastically towards her "eccentric" (aka NON-NORMATIVE) neighbor (and probably also feels good about flamboyant gender outlaws in general); this abbreviated tale, however, reads in context in a most unflattering and socially conservative way. But it's hard to focus on that when we're being CHEATED ON THE POODLE OUTFIT DESCRIPTION. (via)
Poodle trenches are in this year, right?
You said poodle separates.
A poodle skirt, of course.
@atipofthehat For the win!
It's the guy behind me in this picture: http://manhattanoffender.typepad.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/dscf0083.jpg
He's known around the neighborhood as "Miss Colombiana". Another pic: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sionfullana/4696719748/
Another: http://www.flickr.com/photos/sionfullana/4730204991/
Oswaldo Gomez if you want to google him.
@Rod T WOW. That really IS "extravagantly tacky"!!!
@Choire Sicha
When we go far enough, we become sublime.
@Rod T
Quieres mas? Listo, pues: http://www.flickr.com/groups/969980@N25/
@Rod T not to quibble, but how do we know it's the same guy?
@gregorg Actually, Greg, I forwarded this over to Andres Duque, a gay blogger (blabbeando.com) whom I know has spoken with Gomez in the past. He does claim to be a lawyer, does have the poodle, and does dress as described. I know we're, like, eight million of us here, but I'm rather certain there is only one person meeting this description in Queens.
@gregorg Honestly, in a city as big as New York some people stand out. If I told you about a certain lady who has an abcess on her forehead and screams, "I have cancer" often in the vicinity of Wall Street odds are someone will know who I'm talking about.
Glad to see Midge Decter writing again.
"It's okay; I'm Frank Costanza's lawyer."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDbN9TZqFcg
Emily of Michelle and Emily? /OHBOYCANTBELIEVEIREMEMBEREDTHAT
@hman You just blew my mind.
@hman Holy Christing Crap.
@are friends electric @ C_Webb - Is there a shame corner around here?
@hman What do you mean, shame? It was all downhill for the internet after Emily and Michelle! (And it breaks my heart that we can no longer see our old comments!)
@C_Webb I never thought I'd feel nostalgia for the fall of 2007.
BUT DID ANYONE MISS A BEAT
And -- thanks to Rod T -- here's the pup. You may reach your own conclusions as to the to-the-ninesness of his attire. http://www.flickr.com/photos/karynbosnak/2603617914/
In Canada, they are known as barristers and their labradoodles.
The Times accepted a submission to MD from someone in Queens? How ecumenical of them.
Oswaldo, pup, and aide de camp at Pride.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ou3aWjzYSM0
I'm glad I wasn't the only one enraged by that Metropolitan Diary entry this morning. I read it 3 times to make sure I wasn't skipping a line or two in there. Every Monday morning I read Complaint Box (which makes me hate New York, and myself a little bit) followed by Metropolitan Diary (which makes me think, aww this place isn't so bad, and maybe I'll have one of these meet-cutes happen to me sometime!), but today there was no Complaint Box, and then this Metropolitan Diary nonsense happened. Tis an eternity until Friday afternoon, when I read the Modern Love column and engage in some schadenfreude from those loser lovers which usually sets the tone for my weekend. Thanks for nothing, New York Times!
People still read the NYT?!!
Still tittering over "poodle separates"
My poodle has a small collection of Cosby-esque sweaters that he pulls out on his fat days.