In Future, TV Watches You
"If I meet someone, my smartphone should know if we are meeting for the first time by close observation. If I introduce myself and shake hands, our phones should then automatically exchange information. No need for antiquated business cards. If my TV knows there is someone else in the room with me, it could suggest content to watch, either by recognizing me visually, or by talking directly to my iPhone to learn the shows we both like on Facebook or Twitter. The movie I’m watching will automatically pause when I need to go to the bathroom. The TV will just turn on and off when I sit down or stand up."
—Am I the only one who thinks this sounds terrifying? Do I really want my devices to know exactly how goddamn boring my life is?
Photo by Refat, via Shutterstock
dude, you're harshing on my mellow
RUSSIA. YOU MEAN IN RUSSIA.
I hope Nick Bilton's craziest stalker (and the phone he's carrying) rushes up to him one day and gives his hand a good shake.
I knew this shit had to be by Nick Bilton. Silly man.
My ipod should select my music, based upon the accelerometer monitoring the vigorousness of my dancing. My phone should decide which ex I need to call, based on how drunk I am. My tv should select my pornography for me automatically, based on the tent-measuring implants we will all have in our future-pants. My food will automatically throw itself out when I've consumed enough calories. My tombstone will, for all eternally, send my descendants a guilt-inducing text message when it has been too long since they have put flowers on my grave.
@Leon Saint-Jean The Walking Dead?? My arousal meter is on the fritz.
What's the over/under on this stuff recognizing black people?
I get it. When I yell at the television because Zach Maynard just threw another interception, the NCAA will automatically receive a signal to investigate recruiting violations at Stanford.
Is that Simon Doonan in that picture?
But how can I snub someone by pretending I don't remember having already met them if my phone gives up the game?
I love when people think interfaces can be automated this simply. What you actually are asking for is an honest to goodness ROBOT BUTLER. While I personally can't wait till iCarson, we are decades out from a machine that can contextually decide whether you want it to pause your movie for you.
When the TV pauses for me to use the bathroom during a movie, it should make a poop joke (a FUNNY one too) if I'm gone for a long time.
come to think of it, in the future Piper Perabo of USA's "Covert Affairs" is perfectly welcome to watch me as I watch her with my thoroughly most NOT-creepy ratlike glare.