Wednesday, November 30th, 2011

Top Eleven Dumb Songs to Sing to Cats

11. I wish cats were a little bit taller, I wish cats were a baller.

10. Two of cats. Two cats that beat as one.

9. Little cat Corvette. Gato, you've got to slow down.

8. I'm looking at that cat in the mirror. I'm asking cats to change their ways.

7. Will things ever be the same again? It's the final catdown!

6. Gato, gato cat. I want to be a gato cat.

5. If there's a cat up in here it's gonna leave with me when I do, I do. (Touch my cats, put them on the floor, play with them some more.)

4. Don't you wish your catfriend was a freak like me?

3. Cats with small talk and small minds really don't impress me in beeeedddd.

2. You can cats. You can cats. Everybody look at your cats.

1. Thank you for being a cat. You're a cat and a confidante.

126 Comments / Post A Comment

jetztinberlin (#392)


keisertroll (#1,117)

Cat people have no reason to live.

jolie (#16)

Remember when you used to sing "Cat Romance" to Cat? Well I do. THANKS SO MUCH FOR REMINDING ME.

If you need me I'll be eating canned cranberry sauce and sobbing.

vespavirgin (#1,422)

@jolie When my cat sits on my clothes I like to sing "whoa oh oh oh oh ohohohoh, don't get caught in a pair of pants." Cus it's embarrassing for cats to be wearing pants.

VeeCee (#1,189)

A tie between #8 and #1.

deepomega (#1,720)

I see you driving round town with the cat I love, and I'm like: Cat you. And: Cat cat too.


Does cat make me crazy?
Does cat make me crazy?
Does cat make me crazy?

Leon (#6,596)

Playing with the cat of hearts, knowin' it ain't really smart

C_Webb (#855)

@Leon Saint-Jean Cat's been a little bit hard on me.

Mr. B (#10,093)

Finally, a listicle no one can disagree with.

NFK (#8,747)

My catnip brings all the boys to the yard.

'Nip is a burning thing.
And it makes
a cat run in rings.

I fell in
to a cuddly ring of kitties

and it purrs, purrs, purrs…

BadUncle (#153)

I don't care how much you dance around with your cat singing these songs, Choire, all it's going to do is look at your disapprovingly. Meanwhile, many dogs will sing back at you (particularly, those of the beagle persuasion).

razorgrin (#104,497)

@BadUncle I was just singing at my cat. Not really *to* her, but in her direction. She did exactly that.

@BadUncle And that's before you even bring out the harmonica…

You can't start a fire, can't start a fire without a cat.

Litter box for hire, because you just poop on the bathmat.

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@Clarence Rosario Cat didn't start the fire, it's always been burnin' since the cat's been purring.

I just managed to get the stacey Q song outta my head and there you go putting it back again with number 10. You improved it with cat lyrics at least.

sajrocks (#2,067)

My neck, my back, my pussy and my cat.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

I would do anything for love, but I won't do cat.

freetzy (#7,018)

Who let the cats out? Who? Who? Who?

SeanP (#4,058)

@freetzy Now imagine Mitt Romney saying that (awkwardly).

Let's get lost tonight. You can be my black cat Moss tonight…

DMcK (#5,027)

Waaaaay daaaooowwwwnnn insaaaahhhhde. WOH-MAN: yooo-wooouuu neeeeeeeeed….
(bwhah-BWHAOWWMMMmmm)…. caaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

City_Dater (#2,500)

I Cat Go For That (No Cat Do)

Bittersweet (#765)

@City_Dater: You Cat Always Get What You Want…but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get a dog.

GiovanniGF (#224)

I'm impressed. I usually just replace all the lyrics with a "meow" per syllable.

jbcg (#187,129)

@giovanni OMG ME TOO

caw_caw (#5,641)

99 bottles of cats

99 cat balloons,
sitting in my living room

Gonna make you feel, like you're the only cat in the world. Like you're the only cat I'll ever love. Like I'm the only one who knows your purr-er-er. Only cat in the world!

SeanP (#4,058)

@Caitlin P. Abber@facebook to all the cats I've loved before
who ever yowled around my door
and brought in their dead mice
it wasn't very nice
all you cats I've loved before

barnhouse (#1,326)

Here in your chair,
Someone is there,
Covered with hair: Fosco!

Now in your bed,
A quadruped,
He's made of lead: Fosco!

Here we are together in what used to be your chair,
You didn't know,
You'd have to share.
In a juster world somebody would have told you that,
This is no place for a cat!

vespavirgin (#1,422)

@barnhouse I like to sing the Love Boat theme to my cat Henrey. Just to clarify, sometimes I call him Lou.

Lou won't hurt anyone
He's a friendly cat
With a loaded gun!
He's LOU!

keisertroll (#1,117)

This is not my beautiful cat house! This is not my beautiful cat wife!

@keisertroll Well! How did cat get here?

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@keisertroll And you may ask your cat: My God, what have you done?

keisertroll (#1,117)

Oh,Sara, you're the poet in my cat; never cat, and don't you ever cat.

Cats got the moves like Jagger [forces cat to dance; bandages arms]

C_Webb (#855)

@sorry your heinous: I whip my CAT back and forth; I whip my CAT back and forth [also requires cat dancing/arm bandaging, possible loss of eye]

Urbania (#94)

Hey Kitty!
[clap clap clap clap]
Hey Kitty!
[clap clap clap clap]
Oh kitty
what a pity you don't understand
You take me by the heart
When you lick me on the hand.

Oh kitty
what a pity you don't understand
It's cats like you kitty!
Oh what you do kitty do kitty,
Don't break my heart kitty!

Urbania (#94)

@Urbania For the record, I sing this to my dog and just changed the lyrics to feline.

C_Webb (#855)

@Urbania My dog has terrible taste. "That dog, that dog, that do-o-o-og." Also, Beethoven's 9th: "You are the DOG; you are the DOG." The cat is much cooler.

boysplz (#9,812)

What what kitten butt

Astigmatism (#1,950)

I Me Feline

hman (#53)

What's Cat Got to Do With It

hman (#53)

Cat Out of Hell /sorry

Caturday night's the night I like/
Caturday night's alright

keisertroll (#1,117)


stinapag (#10,293)

My favorite:

You say "meow"
I say "meow"
You say "meow"
and I say "meow meow meow"
You say "meow," and I say "meow"

Athena P. Cat had this song sung to her many, many, many times. I haven't decided if Noir the cat is worthy of it.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Hey, you've got to hide your cat away.

DMcK (#5,027)

Don't you step on my blue suede cat. You can do anything, but lay offa my blue suede cat.

zidaane (#373)

Hold me closer tiny kitty
Count the headlights on the highway

Bad cats bad cats, watcha gonna do…

cinetrix (#47)

And there's a cat in this harbor town
And she works layin' Whiskas down
They say "Kitty, fetch another round"
She serves them Whiskas and whines

The sailors say, "Kitty, you're a feline (such a feline).
What a good cat you will be (such a feline).
But my cat, my kitty, my feline eats Friskies

barnhouse (#1,326)

@cinetrix oh, man. "Whiskas and whines": Best in Show.

cinetrix (#47)

@barnhouse Thank mew.

jolie (#16)

When I think about you I touch my cat

zidaane (#373)

You men eat your dinner
Eat your pork and beans
I eat more chicken
Than any cat ever seen, yeah, yeah
I'm a back door cat, wha

NFK (#8,747)

Fallin' James in the Tahoe mud
Stick around to tell us all the tale
Well, he fell in love with a Cat Street girl
Now he's dancin' in the Birmingham jail
Dancin' in the Birmingham jail

keisertroll (#1,117)


@keisertroll And I counted them!

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Oh kitty Q
Oh kitty Q
Kitty Q, baby I love you
Kitty Q


I had to uh, open the catdoor up and let the cat come out to show them
(etc etc)

Feel the cat on your skin!!!

sox (#652)

I just called, to say, I love cats.

***Pleeeeeeeeeeeease tell me that is your new kitteh, Choire!***

Obey your catster catster
Catster of puppets pulling your strings

Bacers (#186,814)

Whatcha gonna do with all those cats,
All those cats they're wearing hats?
My cat, my cat, my lovely tabby cat.

Whatcha gonna do with all those kittens,
All those kittens they're wearing mittens?
My kitten, my kitten, my lovely lady kitten.

Heyyyy we want some pussssy! Heyyyy we want some pusssy!

Sippin on gin and milk

No one understands me
Where I'm coming from
Why would I be with someone
Who's obviously so dumb?

Oh oh, cats are stupid
Oh oh, cats are stupid

Dave Bry (#422)

You can get with this/Or you can get with cat
You can get with this/Or you can get with cat
You can get with this/Or you can get with cat
I think you'll get with this/'Cause this also is a cat

C_Webb (#855)

@Dave Bry: Ain't goin' out like cat.

lovelettersinhell (#13,711)

I wish airplanes
In the night sky
Were like kitty stars,
I could really use a cat right meow,
A cat right meow,
A cat right meow.

We do this to every song in my house.

Why must I be like that?
Why must I kick the cat?

Nothin' but the dog in me
Nothin' but the dog in me


riotnrrd (#840)

I like big cats and I cannot lie,
You other brothers can't deny,
When a cat comes in with it's little fuzzy chin
and whiskers on its face
You get sprung!

jolie (#16)

@riotnrrd I was right there with you until the last line.

vespavirgin (#1,422)

@riotnrrd uh oh. I'm keeping my cats away from you.

riotnrrd (#840)

@jolie Yeah, nobody's happy about that. If I'd changed that word, my song would have become dangerously filk-y, but if I left it alone it was furry. It was a no-win situation. I'm sorry.

Alex Balk (#4)

If you're having fur problems I feel bad for you son
I got 99 problems but an itch ain't one

Take me down to kitty-cat city,
where the nip is green and the pussy is pretty

padraigin (#186,857)

My cat's name is Murphy and the song I sing to her is

You'll be a kitten, soon
Soon, oh soon, you'll be a caaaaaat

Hamsterdam (#186,859)

I know what cats like. I know what cats want.

laurel (#4,035)

Rock the Catbah

mmmark (#4,458)

Not a cat in the worrrrrrrrrld.

Take me down to paradise, kitty
Where the catnip's green and the yarn is pretty
Oh won't you please take me home?

I sing "Pretty Vicious" to my cat, she's guilty on both counts.

laurel (#4,035)

You Just Haven't Earned It Yet, Kitty
All the Lazy Cats
You're The One For Me, Catty
Everyday is Like Caturday

C_Webb (#855)

This rug is torn and frayed
It's seen much better days
But as long as the kitteh plays
She'll steal your heart away

JG3 (#186,882)

I sing that awful Basement Jaxx song to my kittehs…WHERE'S MY CAT AT? (Where's my cat at? Where's my cat at?)

Pintonator (#2,236)

1. Kitty, kitty, kitty, a cat after midnight.

2. I loves you Spikey / Don't ever scratch me

3. Let me lay it on the line
I've got a little catnip that I hide
When I don't want my cat
Going crazy

If you like it then you gotta go and pee on it
If you like it then you gotta go and pee on it
Just lift your leg, and take a little wee on it
If you like it then you gotta go and pee on it

Bittersweet (#765)

@Pintonator: #4 is genius, stealing it for tomorrow morning's dog walk. (Hey, the coyotes in the woods around my house need constant reminding that the corgi is the boss.)

sigerson (#179)

All the other cats
with the pumped up licks
You better run kitty run
Outrun my gun

@sigerson Outrun my vacuum?

Cat in glove, the sun shines out of your behind…

Kitten in the streets of London, kitten in the streets of Birmingham…

Big cat la da da da da daaaaa big cat la da da daaaaaa big cat strikes again…

bombed_pop (#10,642)

@Melissa Gira Grant
I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a fur-suit to wear.
La lala lala, this charming cat…

Islands full of cats.
That is where we are
no dogs in between
how can we be wrong?

David (#192)

You're a thief of hearts and now you'll have to claw
How many licks does it take?
You're a thief of hearts and now you'll have to claw
Which leg do you want me to break?
You'll be sorry

Here she comes, little miss cat thinks she can have what she wants
With a wiggling tail
Here she comes, acts like she's your best friend
Then you turn your back and she's off with your guy


She's a thief of hearts
What will happen to the cat
What she's done is a crime
She's a thief of hearts
Someone please arrest her
She's a thief of hearts
No one ever takes what's meow!


Vaquero (#315)

It's Caturday in Catbodia.
It's tough, kitty, but it's life.

Here come ol' cat-top he come
Purrin' up slowly …

brianvan (#149)

I ate a mouse in Reno
just to watch him die

Choire, you were a delight today.

Nick Douglas (#7,095)

Alan Turing says this is the gayest list possibly represented by a finite set of symbols. With that said:

Your cat always gets what you want
Your cat always gets what you want
Your cat always gets what you want
But if you try sometimes, you'll find, it eats what you feed

Nick Douglas (#7,095)

Do cats have the time
To listen to me whine

Nick Douglas (#7,095)

When I was a young cat
My owner took me into the city
To see the cat parade

LotaLota (#1,703)

There's a little black cat in the sun today…

carpetblogger (#306)

The first time that I got it
I was just ten years old
I got it from some kitty next foor
I went and see the Dr. and
He gave me the cure
I think I got it some more

keisertroll (#1,117)


My cat gets no,

Kitty died for somebody's sins
but not mine

Our cat is a bi-color and we sing to "True Colors"…
I see your two colors shining through
you've got two colors
and that's why we love you!

Tune of "One Boy, One Girl"
One cat, one squirrel
two hearts beating wildly
to put it mildly it was death at first sight

Tune of “Tender Cats”
Tender cats, cats so tender
Snuggling them next to me
Fuzzy, I surrender

Tune of George Michael’s “I Want Your Sex”
Having cats is natural
Having cats is good
Not everyone has cats
But everybody should

Tune of “Have You Seen Her?”
Tell me have you seen her?
I looked all over the place,
Behind the couch
And in the crawlspace
Have you seen her? Tell me have you seen her?
Why, oh, why did she leave and go away?
I’ve been used to have some fur to clean up
And now she’s lost. My baby, she’s lost!

MichelleDean (#7,041)

I'm stealing this from a friend, but: Here I am, rockin' like a furricane!

Art Yucko (#1,321)


awlpoops (#187,223)

Has anyone said Meow yet?

look at meow. i'm gettin paypurr ( son)

cats4life (#187,323)

To "Billionaire" by Bruno Mars
I wanna have a million cats so freakin bad
Buy all of the cats I never had
I wanna be on the cover of Cat Fancy
Smiling next to my cat and the Queen
Oh every time I close my eyes
I see a million small felines
A different kitty every night, all right, I swear
The world better prepare
I'll be covered in cat hair
oh oh oh oh

syditch (#187,619)

To Diva by Beyonce
'Cos a (insert cat's name here) is the kitten version of a hustler, of a of a hustler. Ex: "Cos a Kiera is the kitten version of a hustler. I'm a, I'm a Kiera…

bitzyboozer (#6,867)

Ah-ah…saviors of the kittyverse!

Cats Rule Every Thing Around Me. C.R.E.A.M. gets the money, dolla dolla billz, y'all!

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