54
The Year, In Order
12. August
11. December
10. February
9. July
8. June
7. November
6. January
5. March
4. September
3. May
2. April
1. October
12. August
11. December
10. February
9. July
8. June
7. November
6. January
5. March
4. September
3. May
2. April
1. October
April and March should be 13 and 14, respectively.
@boyofdestiny You mean 1 and who cares as long as April is 1, right?
March is a cockmonkey of a month and deserves to be number 43 on this list.
@jolie Extreme. I like your style.
@boyofdestiny Scratch that. It should be eliminated from the calendar all together. Fuck you so hard, March. Fuck you right in your aich.
@jolie True story. I was inspired by your Drynuary to possibly attempt a Parch. But then I was like, fuck. Booze is the only way to make it through that damp, pallid excuse for a month.
@boyofdestiny @jolie Fuck you both, you KNOW my birthday is in March.
@jolie March is way the fuck too long, way the fuck too cold, and has not nearly enough holidays (sometimes none!).
@sventurata National Drinking Day is in March.
@jolie TOO MANY IDES.
@boyofdestiny Ugh – I tried Sober de Mayo. That was the stupidest idea. Thank god I didn't try that in March.
This would be #1 on a listicle without commentary of listicles without commentary.
no comment on the listicle, but does anyone remember the TV special from the seventies this pic is from? I have the soundtrack on cd and the record ruled my six year old life.
@Patricia Mitchell Both the books and the special are in my very small list of happy childhood memories.
@Patricia Mitchell I think it's the animated cartoon for that "Chicken Soup With Rice" song? I think also sung by Carole King? And maybe illustrated by Maurice Sendak?
@Patricia Mitchell http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2I5fYC8EXKk
Oh hell, now I'm not going to do any more work today.
@Patricia Mitchell:
[alt text...]
While slipping sliding on the ice
To sip hot chicken soup with rice.
Sipping once, sipping twice, sipping hot chicken soup with rice.
In February it will be
My snowman's anniversary
Happy once, happy twice
Happy chicken soup with rice.
In March the wind blows down the door
And spills my soup upon the floor.
Blowing once, blowing twice
Blowing chicken soup with rice…
From memory, bitches. Maurice Sendak's The Nutshell Library: Chicken Soup with Rice, Alligators All Around, Once was Johnny, and Pierre. The first books I remember reading.
I'm not sure why January gets a relative pass. Have you forgotten how fucking cold it's going to be?
@NotAndersonCooper Or how fucking sober I'm going to be? Ugh. January, please remove yourself to the shunning corner; you can stand next to March, that asshole.
@jolie You're dead to me, just like booze in Drynuary.
@jolie I don't mind January so much, but February blows.
@SeanP: February was a lot more fun when I looked forward to my next birthday.
12. January
11. September
10. February
9. June
8. March
7. August
6. November
5. April
4. May
3. December
2. July
1. October
@Rod T What in the everliving fuck is that mess? What do you have against September? Traumatic incident involving two thirds of the members of Earth, Wind and Fire?
@jolie
1. Work restarts after summer lull.
2. Children reappear in public.
3. Silly holidays for people that aren't me.
4. Fashion week.
5. Humidity.
6. Hurricanes.
7. Summer shares invariably include a September week that you'll never ever have a chance of taking.
8. NYU STUDENTS ARRIVE.
9. Fashion week.
10. Virgos can suck it.
11. Network television "season" begins.
12. Back-to-school sales.
@Rod T: As a Virgo (though of the August variety, thank Maude), I can assure you that you are indeed correct.
@Rod T – Forgetting the traffic from the UN meeting?
@scroll_lock
4.5 UN General Ass
@Rod T :
12: August. Fuck August.
11 : July. Fuck July.
10 : June. The bugs come out in force. Fuck these fucking bugs.
9 : May. Temp hits mid 90s and stays there. Apply to three preceding entries.
8, 7 : February, January. How can it be so goddamned cold in a place that's so goddamn hot the rest of the time?
6 : September. FUCK, HOW IS IT STILL SO HOT? Also, hurricanes and bugs. At least it's 70s at night now, and also my birthday.
5 : March. Yeah, okay.
4 : April. FINALLY.
3 : December. Already cold, but at least I have an excuse to buy shit.
2 : November.
1 : October. Non-murderous-rage-inducing weather, plus halloween.
I can not WAIT to move back to Los Angeles.
@collier This is accurate.
There once was a boy named Pierre…
The picture is from Really Rosie…words by Maurice Sendak and music by Carole King. *sighs*
@kellyontheporch (The months one — Chicken soup with rice.)
(You have to hear me saying this through my orthodontic headgear.)
@kellyontheporch:
I'm really Rosie, and I'm Rosie Real.
You better believe me, I'm a great big fucking deal.
(May have been edited for emphasis.)
@Bittersweet – Those kids were bamfs. Case in point:
Now as the night began to fall
A hungry lion paid a call
He looked Pierre right in the eye
And asked him if he'd like to die
Pierre said-I don't care!
You honestly put January ahead of November? Have you ever actually been alive during either of those months?
Aside from you fucking up the Spring months, I can actually get behind October being #1.
October is the best! (My birthday is in it, so I expect the traditional monogrammed awl to arrive soon.)
@deepomega – Mine too! October IS the best.
You already know you're getting a blowjob next month?
This insult to August (the pride, the manhode of the yeare — Thomas Chatterton, God rest his little soul) WILL NOT STAND.
Fuck it, I'm out of here. If you need me, I'll be midspan on the Brooklyn Bridge drinking a tumbler of hemlock WITH KNIVES FOR A CHASER.
March might not have anything externally fantastic about it, but that is the month my man-parts go into overdrive and I feel like a rabbit staring through the window of a rabbit whore-house. March should be called Libido month! Hooray!
July and December are my favorites.
Ice-skating in shorts with earmuffs? Now I've seen everything.
I know Balk does these solely to gin up controversy, but: is April worth a shit anywhere North of the Mason-Dixon line?
Did you somehow average January the month and January Jones for this or something? I can't see any other explanation for that cold, dark, miserable slog being ahead of anything, except maybe February and August. December at least has Christmas/Chanukah/etc, and early November is sometimes still decent out. January and February give me nothing except NFL playoffs and a strong appreciation for the Roman calendar.
13. Smarch
I assume the only reason that February is not last is because, as black history month, it benefited from affirmative action.
“The core audience is hyper-empowered, and they speak in your comments. It’s frankly terrifying to push through a change these days. You will have this collective scream of ‘Why wasn’t I consulted?’”
I consulted the Men of the Stacks calendar, and I have to say, September-January are clearly the superior months of the year.
Yankee fans can't argue with October being #1. But let me join the "WTF April" crowd. April is the month that my whole life, every year, I think will be great, but then it comes and it SUCKS. No more! April sucks and I will never forget it.
FUCK YES
NO MORE LISTICLES WITHOUT COMMENTARY! THEY ARE SO BORING!
MONTHS OF THE YEAR ABOVE THE PEACEFULNESS OF OBLIVION?! JESUS CHRIST YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME
I DO NOT DISAGREE AT ALL.