Tuesday, August 16th, 2011

60 Of Baseball’s Best Names (That Are Not Hunter Pence), In Order

Baseball's best name: Hunter Pence (@HunterPence9) of the Astros. Damn good player too…less than a minute ago via web Favorite Retweet Reply

60. Edward Head
59. Eric Plunk
58. Elmer Klumpp
57. Jayson Faatz
56. Gene Klutts
55. Raymond Ripplemeyer
54. John Boozer
53. Mickey Mantle
52. Pedro Borbón
51. Branch Rickey
50. William Pennyfeather
49. Chester Poindexter
48. Percival Rising
47. Gaylord Perry
46. Gradius Sizemore
45. Cletus Poffenberger
44. Heathcliff Slocumb
43. Ledell Titcomb
42. Timothy Spooneybarger
41. Trevore Plouffe
40. Quinton McCracken
39. Van Lingle Mungo
38. Thurman Munson
37. Harvey Shank
36. Everitt Booe
35. Nicholas Swisher
34. Darryl Strawberry
33. Marvin Throneberry
32. Milton Bradley
31. Lance Broadway
30. Melvin Queen
29. Clarence Pickup
28. Daniel Pfister
27. George Pfister
26. Robert Walk
25. Charles Suck
24. Benjamin Bowcock
23. John Glasscock
22. George Bone
21. Henry Boney
20. Bill Bonness
19. Richard Pole
18. Joseph Putz
17. Harry Pyle
16. Lee Pitlock
15. Merkin Valdez
14. Elroy Face
13. Guy Bush
12. John Coutlangus
11. Orel Hershiser
10. Paul Assenmacher
9. Josh Booty
8. Ebenezer Beatin
7. John Dickshot
6. Fernandas Eunick
5. Roland Fingers
4. John Gooch
3. Urban Shocker
2. Eldon Repulski
1. Orville Veal

Joe MacLeod, aka Mr. Wrong, can converse with you via many medias.

87 Comments / Post A Comment

brent_cox (#40)

Coco Crisp.

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@brent_cox John Coutlangus over Milton Bradley? MILES KLEE FURY.

Darwin Barney, Asdrubel Cabrera, and (oh what the heck) Vance Law.

KeithTalent (#2,014)

Mackey Sasser

No Bake McBride!?!?!?

Shut it down.

Van Buren Boy (#1,233)

The ommission of Russell "Rusty" Kuntz is a travesty.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Lucas Duda

deepomega (#1,720)

Boog Powell.

HectorSpencer (#24,090)

I hope Tuffy Gosewisch makes it to the majors just to be on a list like this.

Van Buren Boy (#1,233)

Oil Can Boyd

KeithTalent (#2,014)

@Van Buren Boy and from the same team, Spike Owen, which I think it is a near perfect baseball name. Sounds like a fictional hero of a series of young adult baseball books.

Although I guess we are more looking for goofy names than baseball-y names.

hobbson (#3,678)

John Dickshot's nickname was "Ugly?" Why that's the most John Dickshot-y thing of all time. Was he a Garbage Pail Kid?

Also, Vida Blue.

tomme (#4,473)

@hobbson Vida Blue was so cool there was a band named after him.

keisertroll (#1,117)

@tomme Hence why they should've included Von 'Von Haze' Hayes.

If we're going to include Pfisters, how can we not include Doug Fister, who was recently traded (in part) for Charlie Furbush?

Grant Balfour
Josh Outman

(both current MLB pitchers)

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

I have some baseball talent, maybe if my parents would've given me a weird-ass name that was easy grade-school innuendo fodder I'd be in the bigs right now.

Dan Packel (#10,421)

Where's my favorite winery, er ballplayer, Glenallen Hill

jaimealyse (#647)

I don't care if it's not his "birthname" or whatever. Boof motherfucking Bonser.

Chicago White Sox great Rusty Kuntz not good enough? Sniff.

iantenna (#5,160)

nick swisher should be nowhere near this list, and not just because i'm a bitter a's fan.

iantenna (#5,160)

Atlee Hammaker

Joe MacLeod (#22)

YEAH, list does not include nicknames. Sorry, all you guys named guys named "Heinie," "Jumbo," and "Dick," it was a tough call, but the Peanut Gallery is on it!

Van Buren Boy (#1,233)

Pee Wee Reese
Cool Papa Bell

rjones (#24,094)

Harmon Killebrew

Excellent work on Tim Spooneybarger and Quinton McCracken.

Notable omission: Stubby Clapp, he of 25 ABs with the Cardinals in 2001.

iantenna (#5,160)

for the duration of milton bradley's stay in oakland i tried very hard (and very drunkenly) to get the nickname of "candyland" to stick.

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@iantenna "Aggravation" might work too, plus that was a "Pass Out Adult Drinking Board Game".

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

@iantenna "Trouble"! Unfortunately, "Sorry" was a Parker Brothers game.

Asa (#1,055)

@boyofdestiny I always said it was those damn Parker Brothers who got him into all that Trouble. Bad influences!

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

Grady Sizemore's name is Gradius? Get outta here.

hockeymom (#143)

Kirby Puckett.

Neopythia (#353)

Johnny Bilton Wockenfuss

tomme (#4,473)

@Neopythia I remember having his 1983 Topps card, and thinking that his last name was a cuss word.

frank_furter (#24,096)

Forgive me for questioning the obvious, but: Randall David Johnson?

keisertroll (#1,117)

@frank_furter My star-crossed Quizzo team of this winter was named Team Randy Johnson. Our biggest rival was Team Bear Grylls.

Don't Panic (#12,659)

Tim Tuffle
Mookie Wilson (all right, technically a nick name)
Ron Darling (swoon)
Lastings Milledge (!)
And that's just to name a small handful of Mets.

areaderwrites (#592)

@Don't Panic Mookie Wilson, for sure.

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

@Clarence Rosario Can we get this guy traded to LA? Go 'Topes!

tomme (#4,473)

Wily Mo Pena?

@tomme Wily Mo Pena is only a great name if you pronounce it like Wile E. Coyote (which is how I always pronounce in my head). But since it's actually pronounced Willy, it's just looks misspelled.

Ledrew (#654)

Oh, those 1970s A's: Fingers, Hunter, Blue…and Joe Rudi.

Great Name Hall of Fame Nominee – Wonderful Terrific Monds III

SidAndFinancy (#4,328)

Carl Yastrzemski

Rebs (#8,501)

Burleigh Grimes
Garth Iorg

scroll_lock (#4,122)

Needs to be a marriage between the Borbon-Boozer families.

Help Desk (#8,472)

Bill Wambsganns
Kennesaw Mountain Landis (no one said players only)

I'm still waiting for Chorye Spoone to make the majors.

Asa (#1,055)

@sorry your heinous Chorye is suspiciously close to Choire…

@Asa Last year, I called him Choire's jockelgänger (a phrase that continues to not catch on).

dep (#24,108)

Napoleon Lajoie
Aloysius Szymanski (Al Simmons)
Dizzy Dean
Honus Wagner
Fred Merkle

@dep Finally someone mentions Honus! Thank you. Everyone else is dumb.

BTW today on Batman Commissioner Gordon called Chief O'Hara an idiot for preferring Ty Cobb to Honus Wagner.

joeyhepatitis (#24,111)

Enos Bradsher Slaughter, c'mon

dep (#24,108)

Rance Pless

Matt Urban@twitter (#24,117)

Jarrod Saltalamacchia. Please.

clinton (#5,386)

Al Kaline, you monsters.

Drew Robertson (#3,552)

Eli Grba

dep (#24,108)

Cannonball Titcomb
Pud Galvin
Bumpus Jones
Addie Joss
Dazzy Vance
Ewell Blackwell

keisertroll (#1,117)

Please tell me this tweet was actually from today and nobody told Larry King that Hunter Pence is now with the Phillies.

keisertroll (#1,117)

Victor Pellot, who had to change his name to Vic Power after while playing in Canada he learned his name was too close to Quebecois slang for a woman's genitalia.

Ben Diaz@twitter (#22,572)

Todd Van Poppel? Mickey Tettleton? Candy Maldonado?

Nothing beats Mordecai "Three Fingers" Brown for pure zazz.

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@Ben Diaz@twitter Candy Maldonado does roll right off the tongue.

dep (#24,108)

Cornelius McGillicuddy

purefog (#999)

Ty Cobb

assembledwrong (#13,310)


Ledrew (#654)

Davey Lopes

Bake McBride (#24,176)

You have to do the same list for football players, and yes some people will think that's racist.

MollyBloomberg (#1,169)

1970's Big Red Machine.

Johnny Bench.
Cesar Geronimo.
Don Gullett.
Denis Menke

bclark21 (#24,194)

Carden Gillenwater

Doug Fister was traded for Charlie Furbush earlier in the year.

No one has mentioned Pete LaCock?

copyranter (#440)

Thad Bosley.

23abraxas (#16,293)

Angel Pagan, FTW

kpants (#719)

Goose Gossage.

helplesscase (#9,843)

Jigger Statz.

Charles Bernard "King" Lear.

Phildo (#24,641)

Pete LaCock is a classic. This is cheating cause he's only a minor-leaguer, but the best name in the history of baseball is Dale Cornstubble.

No one mentioned Antonio Bastardo, Roy "Doc" Halladay, Vance Worley (just the 2011 Phillies alone), or Starlin Castro? The one old-school player I'll mention: Dizzy Dean.

poisonville (#776)

Hiram Bocachica

reddestsox (#24,590)

What about Hall of Fame pitcher EARLY WYNN of Chicago White Sox

the mule (#24,718)

Mule Haas

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