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Local Man is Irritated: In Defense of Tallahassee
“No person or entity maintaining, owning, or operating an establishment dealing in alcoholic beverages shall encourage, allow or permit any person to appear nude or to expose to public view his or her genitals, pubic area, vulva, anus, or any portion of the buttocks or simulation thereof. This section shall be violated if any portion of the buttocks is visible from any vantage point.”
—Here is an extremely ardent and serious defense of Tallahassee, which has no strip clubs.
And now we'll just be stuck with the new stereotype that people in Tallahassee are really fucking touchy.
It's true! Remember this?
@davidwatts Oh right. That guy!
No Children is a pretty amazing song.
When defending your city it's probably not a good idea to mention Ted Bundy.
@Van Buren Boy Truthfully, I hadn't intended it as a defense so much as an exploration of the real place. I made sure to point out several problematic aspects of the town, and the South by extension. I'm just tired of lazy stereotypes and baseless references in general. But maybe I am also touchy!
Famous Amos hasn't been involved with those cookies for years and, indeed, thinks the reformulation stinks. Also, he now lives in Hawaii. (But note: This is not a joke about Famous Amos cookies)
@KenWheaton Yeah, he got fucked by Keebler, but that doesn't mean his originals weren't delish.
I'll always be grateful to the city for gracing us with Tallahassee Lassie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pgbJaKemic
The Fountain of Youth is in ST. AUGUSTINE. Typical lying Tallahassee motherfucker.
If we can't make up stereotypes about Tallahassee, what CAN we make up stereotypes about? Here are a few more:
- In Tallahassee, you are legally allowed to replace your truck's headlights with Truck Nutz.
- In Tallahassee, it is illegal to call in a noise complaint. This is called the Mind Your Fucking Business statute.
- In Tallahassee, there are more liquor stores than people – but each liquor store is only allowed to carry one type of spirit.
- Nobody in Tallahassee knows that Tallahassee is the state capital. They all think it is Tampa Bay.
@deepomega I think the Truck Nutz one might be true :(
Well, Tallahassee already has Rick Scott and the Florida legislature; how much moral turpitude does a town need?