I think the Mainstream Media, whatever that is, has been doing a very good job reporting on the New York 9th District Congressman Anthony Weiner and his naughties. I’m kinda sick of hearing about it, but that’s my fault, because I consume lots of super-obvious Lowest Common Denominator News and Infotainments, where I have heard a kabillion-jillion things about Anthony Weiner from my teevee in the morning when I put the stupid TODAY show on and then in the bathroom, where I perform my morning ablutions in the manner of Pontius Pilate (one of History’s notable Public Servants), and I hear more about Anthony Weiner on the news programs on my radio. One of the programs I listen to while I am cleaning my teeth is a middle-of-the-road Traffic-and-Weather-Together kinda show and the other one is an hilarious Right-Wing syndicated thing that runs on a local Sports Radio channel, and they throw down on that show, man, when they talk about stuff like Mr. Weiner’s been doing, they call it “Perverted,” which I find it to be Highly Entertaining, when people get Judgmental about stuff, so I am hooked on that radio program, for reals, and I believe I am similar to zillions of people then, out here in the streets of Lowest Common Denominator, where I get my Info Feed, and where the info almost immediately gets processed by the American Jokes Industry and Entertainment Tonight and stuff.
Like Dave Letterman, my Teevee Pal, who musta done some jokes in his “monologue” about this guy and then I saw him talking about Weiner with Rachel Maddow (and the producers basically, I Theorize, in my Opinion, totally cloned her show on Keith Olbermann’s so effing hard she made him feel Not Special, I think, which is a big part of why he left the MSNBC or CNBC—I can never remember which is which—but yeah, support for Rachel Maddow coming on after Keith Olbermann forced Olbermann into doing this live cross-over-handoff chitchat with Rachel Maddow, which totally messed up his gag of throwing a wadded-up ball of paper at the teevee screen to end his show, and he obviously started to hate her guts. I’m serious, man, I bet that really hacked him off, that guy is a Major League Prima Donna, I think, and I’ll totally watch his show on Al Gore’s teevee channel when that happens), but anyway, that time Dave did that bit on his show about messing around with one of his employees, and dude went and put the whole thing into big fucking air-quotes and did bullet points and made it all sound like he was doing the Top Ten where people are supposed to laugh, and he was basically doing the equivalent of those I’m-sorry-if-you-think-you-were-offended deals, only people were kinda laughing because he wasn’t being real, he was being my Teevee Pal Dave Letterman, because that’s the only way he could preserve his show (and American jobs) by telling The Nation he had participated in sexual activity with an employee who was not his wife. Which brings me to another thing about this Weiner guy which is: You don’t know what the deal is with him and his wife. That shit is private, man, his wife didn’t lose her right to be a private person because he hit Enter insteada the DM thing, and if he had Tweetdeck insteada regular Twitter, chances are that shit would not have happened in the first place. I don’t know what people want here, you know?
And then how do you say this Breitbart guy’s name? This is the guy who got some pictures off the Twits? And then the shock-jocks got the picture of the picture? That looks like some shenanigans right there man, to get that shit Out There, eh? Man, does he have people just hunched over screens all day watching errbody’s Tweeters for shit that pops up or did somebody hand it to him? He has that Web site newser dot com, but I don’t look at it because a lot of it is just links to shit from other places. Anyway, I always thought his name was like “bright-bart,” but the snippy announcers on that Right-Wing radio channel I swear were going kinda like “brey-bear,” is that how you say it? I haven’t been listening to them and their Right-Wingedness long enough to determine if maybe they were just being wacky morning personalities and going all Frenchie with his name for funsies. Unless maybe I was hardcore on my toothbrushing at that point and developed Slurred Hearing? There is one of those International Phonetic Alphabet things on the Wikipedia for this guy, and that one makes it look like “brate-bart,” I think, but mostly that IPA always makes me think of beer and then I lose interest in stuff, you know? I knew this one guy who had a name that people had a hard time figuring out and he put a little audio file on his dot com, but I forget where that is.
Meanwhile, I ain’t gonna lie, I think it’s funny when the word WEINER is in like 3,000-point type on the front page of the New York Post, and the Daily News has been getting its ass kicked in the WOOD WAR on this one going with various turns on PUTZ and SCHMUCK. C’mon Daily News, let’s get some WEINER WAR going here while there’s time, huh?
I don’t think I need to say anything about Anthony Weiner and the Bad Things he has done because errbody else is all over that shit, you know? So it’s like unless you got Real News or Jokes for the front page of the New York Post, you should just keep on Twitter where it started.