Things Jonathan Franzen Likely Finds Cowardly, In Ascending Order of Their Convenience and Cowardliness

51. Pert Plus

50. Rhyming dictionaries

49. Fencing

48. Lifetime achievement awards

47. Air freshener

46. Autoplay

45. Supergroups

44. Grade inflation

43. Urinal cakes

42. Sherpas

41. Flag football

40. Fabric softener

39. Greatest-hits collections

38. RSS readers

37. Rain gutters

36. Combo meals

35. Graphing calculators

34. Thinsulate

33. Mattress pads

32. Being likable

31. Forever stamps

30. Half-and-half

29. Stuffed animals

28. Dry-humping

27. Snorkels

26. Porta-Potties

25. Sympathy cards

24. Absentee voting

23. Cafeterias

22. High-speed rail

21. Bicycle helmets

20. Rental cars

19. Cheat codes

18. Park benches

17. Sunglasses

16. Cruise control

15. Elevators

14. Cantilevering

13. Baby photos

12. Rest stops

11. Catheters

10. The two-state solution

9. Pivot tables

8. Luck

7. Iteration

6. Constructive criticism

5. Compassion

4. Epidurals

3. Torque

2. “Undo”

1. Remembering your dead friend fondly



Mike Barthel also likes birds but so what?