Friday, June 17th, 2011
23

New Yorkers Predict: What Will Be This Summer's 'Ground Zero Mosque'?

Last summer's "Ground Zero Mosque" brouhaha was the most annoying summer controversy of all time. With any luck, New Yorkers won't have to deal with another nation-wide xenophobic freakout again this summer, but anything is possible! We spoke to a bunch of New Yorkers—both well-known and known to only a few—to try to predict what this summer's big baloney story would be. Aliens! Scrotums! And more aliens!

● "My prediction for biggest scandal of the summer is that the new section of the High Line is actually a Transformer which will destroy the entire city on July 4th, unless Soho welcome's back Will Smith's movie trailer, which coincidentally is actually Optimus Prime."
—Anthony DeRosa, Reuters API Product Manager and "Undisputed King Of Tumblr"



● "I think the Weiner scandal is going to continue into the summer. There's going to be a special election and the constituency is going to demand some answers as to why he was doing all of this."
—Craig, 36, Campus tour manager at The New School



● "I'm thinking it's one of these three things: problems with our water supply, rent stabilization, or the trains—not the subway. There will be problems with Metro-North. You want to take my picture for this? No way, get out of here!"
—Helen, "You think I'm that young, I have two grandkids!", Preschool teacher


● "I've been up for 50 hours. I can't think of anything. I don't even have a TV."
—Alyssa, 30, Student





● "There's a looming alien invasion for sure. Also they just found out about the guy who shot Tupac. So maybe there will be more Tupac related news this summer."
—Will, 22, Freelance designer and illustrator






● "Harold Camping's scrotum will explode on July 27."
—Michael Musto, 56, Village Voice columnist




● "I don't ever read the news. Ever."
— Vanessa, 28, Nurse practitioner



● "I do think aliens might make an appearance soon. Not like one singular abduction—more like a spaceship. Something will happen this summer that will shake people up. There's a lot of environmental things going on right now. All of those earthquakes and tornados are going on. Something will happen that is going to force the common man to pay attention. What that is? I just don't know."
—Erica, 38, student





Myles Tanzer is rooting for the aliens.

23 Comments / Post A Comment

stevek (#13,633)

After an extended stint on the DL and a career low batting average, clearly the biggest story will be the NY Post demanding proof that Derek Jeter is a "real" yankee

roboloki (#1,724)

@stevek WHY WON'T HE SHOW US HIS LONG FORM CONTRACT?!?!?!

Bryan Keller (#3,804)

And the low information voters have spoken!

Anarcissie (#3,748)

As we're coming up on the tenth anniversary of 9/11, I anticipate merciless flogging of this event by the media and the politicians, using all the remaining resources of sentimentality, sententiousness and sanctimony which can still be brought to bear upon the already flogged-out subject.

El Matardillo (#586)

It is sure to involve Lady Gaga, whatever it may be.

lakonislate (#11,914)

@El Matardillo It's a pop star, silly. It sings songs and dresses humorously.

BadUncle (#153)

I want to know what Anthony DeRosa's dog thinks.

laurel (#4,035)

Whatever it is, Doggie DaRosa does not approve.

TwoDollars (#2,898)

@BadUncle Yea, I'd like to know, too. Because he's definitely concerned.

Ham Snadwich (#11,842)

It looks like the dog is saying "I'm not really comfortable with you pretending like we're an item."

MParcells (#375)

"I don't even have a TV" is my favorite thing to say when i want to come off as both uninformed and superior.

melis (#1,854)

And now I love you.

Anarcissie (#3,748)

@MParcells — You can spare the OP the gaffe of making a clichéed, tiresome charge of elitism by saying 'My TV is down at the moment' or 'I loaned my TV to the Museum of Modern Art.' Thus your ignorance (well-chosen) will remain sanctified yet harmless to the slow-witted.

roboloki (#1,724)

it will be revealed that jimmy hendrix is alive and working in vegas as an elvis impersonator.

Cuomo's push for same-sex marriage in New York will be derailed when Republicans insinuate that it includes pets.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

It would have killed you to get Will's phone number? Your tenure here is not starting out strongly, Tanzer.

Myles Tanzer (#13,698)

@IBentMyWookie He looks MUCH better in that picture than he does IRL.

SuperMargie (#1,263)

I predict that all the current Republican candidates will prostrate themselves before Ground Zero in convenient photo ops. People will get all worked up because they will accuse a flash mob of staging a giant nap-in at Ground Zero, but it will be discovered that it is only Tim Pawlenty trying to give a speech.

Harry Cheadle (#6,316)

I think "Alyssa" is less of a "student" and more of a "meth addict."

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

Looks like managing tours at The New School is a total imagination killing job.

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