The 11 Most Revolting Things Sam Sifton Ate in London
Times restaurant critic Sam Sifton goes to London and what is there to eat at the hottest places in town? DISHES OF HORROR MOSTLY. A textural nightmare. A heart-stopping pile of Englishisms.
• "a plate of 'rice and flesh'… a kind of buttery risotto Milanese, heady with saffron and studded here and there with tiny nuggets of meat taken from a calf’s tail."
• "What you are served appears simply to be a Mandarin orange…. Cut through the dimpled skin of the fruit, however, and a mousse is revealed: an interior of whipped chicken liver with a flavor that is beautifully enhanced by the taste of its bright orange 'skin.'"
• "a layered salad with chicken oysters (those coins of meat from behind the wings), silken bone marrow and horseradish cream."
• "a plate of brined and hay-smoked mackerel, with lemon salad, a spray of olive oil and a 'Gentleman’s relish' of anchovies with garlic, milk, bread and lemon juice."
• "juicy spiced pigeon with ale and artichoke hearts."
• "salt-brined and long-cooked popsicle of duck leg."
• "tipsy cake… that is a bit like a cream-filled, booze-basted monkey bread served with pineapple."
• "sweet langoustines and unctuous yellow mayonnaise."
• "lightly cured sea trout with pickled cucumbers."
• "smoked pig’s-cheek croquettes with radishes."
• "burnt cream ice cream."
When pigeon is the most appetizing thing on the menu, something has gone terribly, terribly wrong in the kitchen.
Also: Foodcrime Island? Pantrycrime island? Mouthcrime Island?
@jolie Creamcrime Island. Or maybe Crumbcrime…
@falseberry Fork, Spoon, and Knifecrime Island?
@Vicky Pigeon is delightful, one of my favo(u)rite discoveries from British dining.
@jolie Pigeon: tastes like chicken. Honest.
What, he doesn't like kidneys?
Even before reading the ingredients, I knew "Gentleman's relish" was bad news.
@boyofdestiny That's the one that really blew my mind. I spent a whole fucking football season coming up with gross food combinations and this dude takes one stupid trip and blows me out of the water. I honor him with the ceremonial barf-and-tip-my-cap move.
@David Roth Rex Ryan would still eat it, though.
@boyofdestiny Patum peperium is awesome, bro.
@David Roth @boyofdestiny Gentleman's Relish (aka Patum Peperium) is ridiculously delicious. Pure umami, baby.
@RamonaRanchera My issue is as much with the words "Gentleman's Relish" as it is with the combination of garlic and milk. Although I have some abstract issues with garlic and milk, I have a very concrete problem with the words gentleman's relish.
@RamonaRanchera & Butterscotch, Whatever blows your hair back. I like to keep my milk and anchovies on separate parts of the plate.
Although this goop does have the benefit of intrigue. "According to Wikipedia": Today, the secret recipe is withheld from all but one employee at Elsenham Quality Foods in Elsenham, England, the licensed manufacturer.
@David Roth Take heart! On a second read, Sifton's off base and this is really bagna cauda that he's describing – which is also ridiculously delicious. It may not help with the garlic and milk issues, but, if you decide to confront your demons, at least now you won't have to face the horror of "Gentleman's Relish".
Huh. I always used "gentleman's relish" as a euphemism for jizz. Now, not only do I find out that it's real, but also that it's a key ingredient in Scotch woodcock.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scotch_woodcock
Also and in-addition-to, "meat coins" is a really good tag. I hope to see it again when I introduce my line of portable meat snacks: Breef (The Breakfast Beef) and Go-Ham. Some sort of poultry pez is still in testing.
@David Roth Call me Re: Go-Ham. I have ideas.
@David Roth: Lam.
I'll have the burnt cream ice cream and a side order of rice.
@NotAndersonCooper A sí, helados de leche quemada con arroz, naturalmente.
Why is it that every non-bivalve food that's described as an "oyster" is fucking gross?
Ah, who are we kidding. The bivalves are fucking gross too.
@boyofdestiny Let me guess, you were one of those kids who only ate chicken nuggets and tater tots until you were 22.
"I like to keep my milk and anchovies on separate parts of the plate." Confirmed.
@Butterscotch Stalin, Not in the slightest. Although my mom had to trick me into eating calimari by telling me it was onion rings.
i still like to dunk mcanchovies in milk. it's like a little milk mustache that you eat.
@roboloki That's a good way to bread smelt, too.
I'd try to keep that "food" down in exchange for the chance to have a Pimm's Number One Cup with that view of St. Paul's.
I have to say that the burnt cream ice cream and tipsy cake sound awesome. But other than that 1) what would LADIES' RELISH be, exactly? and 2) all the other stuff OMG EEWWWWW.
@jetztinberlin Breast milk creme fraiche with chervil, rose water, shallots and lavash.
@jolie See you in hell, appetite!
Will I be banned for saying that the Ladies' version just has more anchovy?
@boyofdestiny is that where we're dining tonight?
Best meal I ever had in a restaurant was the Crispy Pig Cheeks with Dandelions at St. John in London.
@LondonLee nothing with the words "crispy" and "pig" in it is ever bad.
@LondonLee Yes! And the smoked eel with horseradish cream…and chicory and anchovy salad…and the lamb's heart. It's all so good.
@LondonLee I love pig cheek and the best tacos I ever had were made of soft wonderful beef cheek.
@LondonLee Seconded. St. John is my favorite restaurant in London – never eaten anything there that was less than excellent.
Fist of raw, just-killed tuna. Preferably on the slaughter boat for that authentic touch of nausea.
@propertius: The Old Man and the Special. Best when the fist landed a punch or two on you!
@dntsqzthchrmn Sifton likes his fish to come in fists – it's a peculiarity of his style.
As for chicken oysters and coins, my meat vocabulary is enriched yet again.
Hmph. This contrarian anti-Euro thing has GOT to stop. Gooseberry fool at any grocer. Roast lamb sandwiches. Also: Iranian and Iraqi restaurants.
@dntsqzthchrmn I just assumed it was Balk's secret plan to put people off so he could have Knifecrime Island ALL TO HIMSELF.
@dntsqzthchrmn Come visit Tehrangeles sometime.
For some reason I still want to sample everything on that menu.
Everything on there is terrible.
But langoustines are fucking amazing.
@sixlocal truth. best meal i ever had was grilled langostinos in los pasquales, colima, mexico.
Don't want to be a pedant here, but monkey bread is anything but a Britishism.
Monkey bread is so delicious though. If you live in America and you don't know about some monkey bread, you better find out. I would eat anything compared favorably to monkey bread.
Chicken oysters, too. That's the best part of the bird!
Let's start a FUCK YEAH MONKEY BREAD appreciation tumblr and now.
the summer of monkey bread
Adventurous!!
dude is soft. he didn't even try eel and mash? most disgusting thing i ever ate. served by women that would rather punch you in the dick than speak to you.
Langoustines and mayonnaise? Trout with pickled cucumbers? None of this seems a) particularly English or b) particularly odd…
Aren't pickled cucumbers simply called "pickles", or is that an example of American brand-naming?
What to eat during a famine.
Fish fingers and custard.
• "juicy spiced pigeon with ale and artichoke hearts."
On my first glance through the list, I read that as "juicy spiced pigeon hearts with ale and artichokes." I wonder if it would have tasted any different.
And yet, while I am also wearying of the contrarian anti-Euro thing, I will also admit that the concept of an Iraqi restaurant (@dntsqzthchrmn) fails to intrigue. Wonder why? Probably just lack of imagination.
Iraqi food is like 1000 times better than Czech food. Don't EVER go out for Czech food.
Could've been worse: at least there was no instance of "mouthfeel."
It so hungry.What is that
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The list isn't uniformly horrific, but I do have to wonder what the poor bastard was being punished for.