Tuesday, May 31, 2011
100 Years Later, A Black Man Finally Loves Joplin
"I love Joplin! I love Joplin." So began President Obama in his Sunday address to the town of Joplin, Missouri, smudged from the face of the earth by a tornado a week before.
"I love you, Obama!" yelled a Joplin resident in the audience.
While there is much hope to be had in Joplin's will to rebuild, there is even more to be found in the obliterated town's welcoming of Obama. About a century ago, a Joplin lynch mob attempted to drive every last African-American resident out of town, and pretty much succeeded.
It's been a long time since an African-American publicly loved Joplin, or vice versa. READ MORE
"Accusations of laziness have been levied against 'kids these days' for decades."
Every generation is lazy! (A follow-up to this not really rousing defense of the current youngs.) No, but seriously, the kids today are soooo much lazier. | May 31, 2011
The Moon Has Been Hiding Water From Us For Who Knows How Long
I've always kind of liked the moon. And have felt an instinct toward protection when friends and colleagues have attacked her in print. What did the moon ever do to us, I thought, except look pretty and give us tides to surf on and write nice faux-reggae songs about? Well, it turns out that the less credulous among us may have been right not to trust her seductive blue glow after all. The moon has been holding out on us for years, hoarding vast supplies of valuable water beneath her apparently dry, desert-like surface. Scientists started to suspect something was up recently. But now, new analysis of volcanic moon rock brought back by astronauts 40 years ago has yielded evidence of far more water than we'd ever imagined! READ MORE
Do you know what New York City's most photographed attraction is? Rep. Anthony Wiener's penis! Kidding, it's the Apple store uptown. Of course. Nerds. | May 31, 2011
What It's Like to Get a Biopsy
A few months before your 31st birthday you’ll be lying in bed holding Animal Farm with one hand and idly examining your boobs with the other. With a start, you’ll notice something that resembles a robin’s egg rolling around under the skin of your left nipple. You’ll play with it for the rest of the day, and when your boyfriend comes over you’ll ask him to touch it. He’ll say, “Yeah, hm.” He’ll dump you the day after you find out you need surgery to remove it.
You’ll make an appointment with your gynecologist, and she’ll have the same “Yeah, hm” reaction your dude did, only she’ll also hand you a slip of paper ordering you to go to the hospital for a mammogram. You’ve never had a mammogram, so you’ll be kind of freaked out but mostly curious whether it’s as bad as it sounds/looks like it is.
A month later when they finally get you in for an appointment, you’ll find out that yep! Actually worse than you imagined. READ MORE
"The exhibition makes the case for understanding the fascination with cannibalism as a seismographic reaction to contemporary developments such as medical innovations that confront the boundaries between two bodies — organ transplants, genetic manipulations, and gestational surrogacy. Against this background monstrous sexist, racist and consumerist tendencies emerge."
—There is an exhibition on cannibalism in, of all places, Germany. Here's a slideshow! [And, of course, related.] | May 31, 2011
Gil Scott-Heron, 1949-2011
"My end goal, besides integrating all the disparate elements as smoothly as possible, was to capture the stark, somber beauty of I’m New Here—a challenge because the album was so uniquely a piece of its own, an emotional open wound sonically unlike anything he’d recorded before. But I thought it came out well. As it so happened the mix wound up getting lost in the sauce in the run-up to I’m New Here's release. With yesterday’s heart-breaking news of Gil Scott-Heron’s passing, I thought I’d post it up here to share, a brief homage to this legendary artist/activist/thinker, and his brilliant final project."
—If you're looking to listen to some Gil Scott-Heron (always a good idea, but particularly so today) you could do much worse than this mix that ego trip's Chairman Mao made for XL Records last year. The Soul Sides site rounds up a few other tributes, too. It's really a great, great loss. READ MORE
The Dirty Talk Of The Town: Profanity At "The New Yorker"
Famous story, here recounted by The Daily News:
Harold Brodkey used to tell the tale of how legendary New Yorker magazine editor William Shawn handled his use of a four-letter word: It's up to you, Shawn said, but would you rather be remembered for your story or the first use of that word in this magazine? Brodkey spiked the offending expletive.
Shawn was indeed vigilant against vulgarity. It's said that, being afraid of elevators, he used to carry a hatchet in his briefcase in case he was ever trapped inside one. But I like to think the weapon served also as a warning to staffers who did not get the message: This is a clean magazine!
As it happens, Shawn was not the last New Yorker editor averse to the baser corners of the language. A dirty little secret of The New Yorker archives: his successors, Gottlieb, Brown and Remnick, are only slightly less so. Forthwith, a compendium of New Yorker firsts in vulgarity. READ MORE
Awl pal Meghan Keane explains how Fox News turned her into a "TV slut." (Hint: It involves makeup.) | May 31, 2011
"An international panel of experts says cellphones are possibly carcinogenic to humans after reviewing details from dozens of published studies.... The group classified cellphones in category 2B, meaning they are possibly carcinogenic to humans. Other substances in that category include the pesticide DDT and gasoline engine exhaust." | May 31, 2011
Do Not Under (Almost) Any Circumstances Buy a Home
Bank of America is paying just $20 million for having foreclosed improperly on 160 active-duty military service personnel. (This, of course, was frequent predatory lender suit-settler Countrywide in action; Bank of America purchased Countrywide in January, 2008, for $4.1 billion in stock, and has paid for it more and more ever since, including the former CEO's SEC settlements.) But $20 million! That's nothing, in the grand scheme of the forthcoming housing disaster. For one thing, there are about half as many foreclosed houses being sold now as there were two years go: at this new pace, "it would take exactly three years to clear the current inventory of 1.9 million properties already on the banks’ books, or in foreclosure." And then there will be no houses in foreclosure! Just kidding. There'll be tons more! Both new ones, and let's not forget that litigation has stalled a huge number of foreclosures. All that will get dumped on the market, even as housing prices are down 33.1 percent from summer of 2006 and 28% of all single-family mortgages are underwater.
I have long thought that a Patriots-Cowboys Super Bowl would be the ultimate competition in which you wished both sides could lose, but apparently I was not being imaginative enough. | May 31, 2011
This guy will tell you how to lose a bunch of weight, but there is a terrible side effect: you will live considerably longer than you otherwise might have. | May 31, 2011
How to Become a Published Author in 237 Simple Steps
I was 150 hours into designing PleaseFireMe.com; no end in sight, no web design experience, and, suddenly I found myself in Atlantic City with a piña colada in one hand, cigarette in the other, slutty dress on both thighs. Over the next six months, there would be three times I overworked myself into a delirium-induced adventure. This was the first. Or, as you will later see: Step 34.
Like most writers, I have trouble knowing how to quit. The ironic result? Please Fire Me: Posts from the Revolting Workplace, the humor book I co-authored, based on a Tumblr site, released this month. I’m very proud of it. There are a lot of good jokes, excellent artwork, and you can flip through it on the toilet, which — I swear on my tweets — was one of my goals.
Some friends emailed me and asked for advice on turning their own Tumblr projects into books. This is my response, 11 months late, about the only way I know to turn a Tumblr into a book. READ MORE
