Flying While Brown: Just Don't Do It
Dear brown friends,
So by now you know: if you make noises, move about the plane, feel ill, talk to people in a non-English language, gesture, wear a backpack, or, now, spend your time on the plane "passing notes and writing in a notebook," you will not arrive at your destination, as the allegedly brown passengers on this week's Delta flight from D.C. to Oregon found out.
Please make a note of these forbidden behaviors. It might be best if you just drug yourself into oblivion while flying? But don't get too drugged: if you slur your words or "act strangely," you will also find your plane diverted. (And then the smokers on-board will really hate you when they have to get off, go through security again and get on another plane.) Also don't have to pee really bad. That's a mandatory diversion. At this time, all people aboard airplanes should sit silently and immobile, and then we will all get there on time. But especially you, brown friends. Thanks!
Best regards,
White People
Most importantly, never inconvenience a flight attendant. They are among a special class of workers who lately seem to have the powers of martial law. Should you accidentally spill a drink on one of them, they can kick-off a progression of hostilities and civil rights infractions that has no end in the era of Homeland Security.
If you are brown and you only have brown flight attendants, you are probably safe!
Hmm. I recall being on a trans atlantic flight recently where a fat old white man needed to lie down due to a medical issue and no one raised an eyebrow. Attendants rushed to his aid and we landed at our scheduled destination.
An emergency nap?
A fat nap.
She said passengers were texting loved ones because they knew something was amiss.
"Hey Mom, there are brown people on the plane and I'm going to die. Take care of my cat"
A nearby passenger also observed one of men watching what appeared to be footage of a suicide bombing, but was actually a scene from the 2007 movie "The Kingdom." The man also got up from his seat while the seat belt warning sign was still lit, FBI spokesman Manuel Johnson said.
"The totality of those three occurrences led this passenger to believe this was suspicious," he said….
God, I fucking hate the American Flying Public.
That's horrifying. I mean, even the biggest Jamie Foxx fan would do much better by sticking with, say, "Miami Vice," or even "Booty Call."
Silly passenger. You can't lie down on a plane unless you're wealthy.
It's always comforting to hear how there are worse things to be than a Serb. People have pretty much forgotten us by now as suspects of villainy (plus, we are more difficult to identify, having deceptively white skin).
This reminds me of an incident a friend of mine witnessed in Chicago, where cops were trying to sort out which group of fighting kids was lying and the Latinos started crying "racism!" to which the other group cried "racism us! we are worse – we are Arabs!"
Could we get a post-response from Neel Shah on this?
(Psssst! It was a United flight, not Delta!)
Even the Jews are arousing suspicion with their behavior! I thought it was well understood that Jews were, like, the opposite of Muslims.
Huh, apparently you can't make links now? who knew.
Mexican Orthodox Jews on a plane, praying with tefillin. Huh.
Maybe there's something to this "postmodernity" thing, after all.