Email is Over

Here is what is happening now: people have become unwilling to send emails. They’re too cumbersome, they’re too long and there’s actually not an app for that. And no one wants to type that long on their devices, plus they’re already logged in to their social medias and whatnots.

Here are some things that I have seen this week:

• People replying to my emails… by randomly putting their response on Twitter.

• People replying to emails… by way of AIM.

• People following up on emails that haven’t been answered yet… by Gchat.

• People sending messages on Twitter to ask what my email address is. Because of course you’d know the Twitter handle but not the email address, which used to be the most important thing in the world.

• Someone picking a fight on Twitter, and someone else was like, “Hey, let’s take it to email, here’s mine!”… but then they never emailed. They can’t! They’re too busy Tumblring and Twittering to send an email.

• I recently witnessed an entire passive aggressive confrontation occur in the comment sections of other people’s Tumblrs! It wasn’t even taking place on their own Tumblrs! That’s just how distributed conversation has gotten.

I mean it made sense when we all gave up the phone, because the phone is a nightmare, and also there’s not written record to a phone conversation. But email??? Email was good! This is totally a thing. Let a thousand 140-character think pieces bloom!