I Can't Believe You Narc'ed Us Out, Dork

I can’t believe you did that, Bobby. I thought you were cool. But you know what? You’re not cool. Not at all. You know what you are? You’re a narc. And a social reject. You think you’re all big now? Because you wrote a paper in the The American Sociological Review? That doesn’t make you big. It makes you a loser. You think anyone’s going to want to hang out with you now? Good luck, dickwad.

Oooooh. Oooooooh. Bullying is so bad. It’s such a problem in society. And it’s so misunderstood!

“Most victimization is occurring in the middle to upper ranges of status… What we think often is going on is that this is part of the way kids strive for status. Rather than going after the kids on the margins, they might be targeting kids who are rivals.”

Yeah, well, you’re not going to have to worry about that anymore. Publishing “studies” isn’t exactly “studly,” know what I mean? Especially ones that are liable to get us busted and make it so we have to sit in the auditorium and listen to Mrs. Friedman talk about being nice to each other. Welcome to marginsville. Have fun watching Saturday Night Live every weekend with the D&D club. Maybe Schnitzbaum’s elf character will give your dwarf dick a handy. Enjoy that.

“The overall rate of aggression seems to increase as status goes up. What it suggests is that a student thinks they get more benefit to going after somebody who is a rival.”

Come to think of it, I always knew you were a dork. I don’t know why anyone ever hung out with you in the first place. You can’t chug for shit. You suck at sports. You dress like a retard. All the girls think you’re fug. We should have known you would end up doing something like this. Ever since that time at Jonesy’s when you were like, “It’s so interesting how the vacuum or gravity or whatever affects the whatever…” when we doing those funnels. Which, again, you sucked at. Because you’re a wuss. Remember you hurled into Christy’s mom’s flower vase that time? Whoops. That’s right. That was supposed to be a secret, wasn’t it? No one ever knew it was you before. Sorry, Bro.

“The literature on bullying has so focused on this one dynamic of repeated chronic antagonism of socially isolated kids that it ignores these other forms of aggression. It’s entirely possible that one act, one rumor spread on the Internet could be devastating.”

You’re right. It could be. I guess we’ll see. Christy’s mom is still pretty pissed about that flower vase, even after all these years. And Kev-O still has that video we took that night you passed out at Coley’s. You looked pretty sweet with that cock drawn on your cheek. What angle was it entering your mouth at? Maybe you can measure it with your protractor after we post it on Youtube. Maybe you can do a “study” of that. Maybe your science-dork friends at the “University” can help you.

Oh, what? Are you gonna cry? Jesus, you’re pathetic. Why don’t you just go home? Go home and cry to your mommy. Oh, wait, I think Gooch and the rest of the varsity dudes might be over there now, tag-teaming her. Better call first.

Ha ha. Loser.