BREAKING: TEN MILLION PLANKTON DIE IN WHALE FART. HOW MUCH LONGER WILL SCIENTISTS PRETEND HUMAN CONCEPTIONS OF DEATH AND POPULATION SIZE MEAN NOTHING TO NATURE?
The reality, say biologists, is that these mass die-offs happen all the time and usually are unrelated.
Federal records show they happen on average every other day somewhere in North America. Usually, we don't notice them and don't try to link them to each other.
(how much longer can reporter keep from reading own article?)
Ha! Yes. That's a good question. This article is actually one of the better ones I've read for the voice-of-reason. I've been wondering just how frequently these things happen when everybody's RSS feeder's aren't set to "search: die off."
Maybe the editors wrote the headline and the Daily Mail reporter is embarrassed. But I wonder who decided to include the ominous eyewitness account: "It looked like they were committing suicide." I guess we'll never know the truth until someone finds 300 tiny notes in the field near where the bodies were found.
Wait, the truck ran over them in the sky, and then they fell down dead on the road? Or they fell down from the sky alive, but the truck that was going to run them over made them do it? Or is this an idea for another goofy M Night Shyamalskdjf screenplay?
I don't know, Daily Mail reporter. I DON'T KNOW.
BREAKING: TEN MILLION PLANKTON DIE IN WHALE FART. HOW MUCH LONGER WILL SCIENTISTS PRETEND HUMAN CONCEPTIONS OF DEATH AND POPULATION SIZE MEAN NOTHING TO NATURE?
"THIS...IS...SELMA"
Perfectly normal, folks. It was an "avian suicide pact." Happens all the time. Nothing to see here.
The reality, say biologists, is that these mass die-offs happen all the time and usually are unrelated.
Federal records show they happen on average every other day somewhere in North America. Usually, we don't notice them and don't try to link them to each other.
(how much longer can reporter keep from reading own article?)
Ha! Yes. That's a good question. This article is actually one of the better ones I've read for the voice-of-reason. I've been wondering just how frequently these things happen when everybody's RSS feeder's aren't set to "search: die off."
Maybe the editors wrote the headline and the Daily Mail reporter is embarrassed. But I wonder who decided to include the ominous eyewitness account: "It looked like they were committing suicide." I guess we'll never know the truth until someone finds 300 tiny notes in the field near where the bodies were found.
Wait, the truck ran over them in the sky, and then they fell down dead on the road? Or they fell down from the sky alive, but the truck that was going to run them over made them do it? Or is this an idea for another goofy M Night Shyamalskdjf screenplay?
To be entitled Starlings Fell on Alabama?
Alabama can have that effect on certain things.
This doesn't seem like a particularly good time to get on an airplane.