18
Just Don't Offer Your Subway Seat to Not-Pregnant Women
"My sleepy mind slowly whirred to life and I scanned for reasons that a random stranger would offer me, a young and seemingly able-bodied person, her seat on a packed downtown 2 train at rush hour. If I were her I’d have clung to that choice seat so hard, someone would have to roll in with an iron lung before I would consider getting up. And even then I’d be real pissy about it, rolling my eyes and such. Then again, I am a terrible person, and maybe this girl was not. Maybe she was being sweet because I looked exhausted?" OH NO GIRL, THAT IS NOT WHY.
The lesson, as always: don't do nothin' for nobody.
the most horrible part of offering your seat to someone is the nonchalance you must affect when half the people in the subway car stare at you for a good minute, waiting for that 'yes, I AM such a good person' countenance to cross your face; which you must NEVER allow to happen.
Once, a couple of years ago, I was taking the train home with the beginnings of a migraine. My symptom of 'the beginnings of a migraine' is partial blindness, so I was trying to be still and not panic in my stealthily snatched seat when I sensed someone glaring at me for several stops, finally relented, and looked up. "Don't you think she needs a seat more than you," angrily gestures toward lady who, though I could barely see, looked thirteen months pregnant. I jumped up and was really embarrassed, and then proceeded to, on impulse, overdramatically fake a limp, hobbling past them at my stop. Definitely a low point.
Anyway, I am posting this over here and not there because I don't want to give that crowd the wrong impression of me, but empire waist anything is just not okay at all!! And neither are babydoll dresses, for other reasons!
Some of us have high waists and like to accentuate them!
Also I do the limp thing sometimes when I am taking a taxi I have no business taking.
Having a chronically long torso, I will allow that I am open to your theory, high waists being The Other and completely mysterious, but I will officially Believe It When I See It.
I also once claimed to be legally blind (apologetically) when someone recommended that I perhaps better take a picture, to last longer, but I was only trying to read what was printed on their tote bag!
I was forced to do the limp one time when I left a handicap bathroom and a dude in a wheelchair was waiting outside. Awkward!
I also had a similar experience on the Metro in Paris. Except instead of not noticing an obviously pregnant woman standing while I was sitting, I failed to notice a really old man who looked like he had sustained the type of injuries you'd see after Wile E. Coyote had an anvil dropped on his head. Bandages, slings, crutches, the whole nine. Someone sort of subtly gestured to get my attention and pointed this gentleman out, so instead of mumbling "pardon" or "excusez moi", I politely but assertively said "Oh, yeah, my bad. Please sir, sit down. Sorry!" I figured it was somehow better to have people chalk up my sins to being just a dumb American, than an actual inconsiderate and clueless person. Either way, awkward!
Ugh, I know that migraine feeling. The worst I ever had happen was in the summer, the red line, no or very little AC, packed train, leaning against the door trying not to pass out. The train stopped in between stations and after about 10 minutes everything started to close in and I just slumped to the ground, sitting on that pristine metro carpeting. Even through the tunnel-vision I could tell just how many people were staring at me. Not a good day.
@syh: My heart cries out in empathy! The first time it happened I thought I was having an aneurysm, and then I thought it was a hypoglycemic attack and ate some toaster waffles really quickly, jumped in the shower, and promptly threw up.
I semi-fainted on the train once, after having taken multivitamins and ibuprofen on an empty and woefully hungover stomach, but it was so packed I was actually held up by bodycrush + door!
Wait, you guys, pleeeease come over to my house!!!
Oh, but also, I once actually fainted — fully, like, tree-trunk backward — on the train, and came to Wizard of Oz-style on the floor with all these strangers looking down on me. It actually ended up being a really nice experience because a very sweet lady took care of me and yelled "Water!" and some unopened bottle of water came riding over the crowd. Anyway. I can't wait to faint into the train tracks and see what happens!
Edith, I tried! But I don't know what an empire waist dress is and left in shame!
It's just some stupid high-waisted dress that has a skirt part that starts right under your boobs!
THE MORE YOU KNOW.
syh, for example
http://gofugyourself.celebuzz.com/go_fug_yourself/2010/11/fuglesque_boo_cher_and_xtina111610.html#more
even skinny little Christina looks knocked up.
Ah, thanks you two :)
Garge: I used to take a crosstown bus home from the hospital when I was getting regular, rather energy-draining medical treatments there. Although I knew I deserved a good sit-down on my way home, I didn't LOOK as lousy as I felt, and that bus route (like most bus routes!) was popular with the elderly. So I used to just avoid eye contact and feel bad about it. One time, though, the nurses had to try like five times to start an IV, and the upside was that I walked out of the hospital and onto the bus with ace bandages all up and down my arms. I left my sleeves rolled up so everyone could see how totally deserving of a seat I was. Now I'm thinking I should've just worn an empire-waist shirt on days when I felt like sitting down.
You guys all need to have links to each others sites.