Robots Will Fix Our Old People Mess
Finally, a solution for our old people problem! Inventors are creating new and exciting robots that we can use to keep our elderly occupied during their slow limp towards death. No longer will we be forced to bear the financial burdens of in-home nurses or, God forbid, actually have to spend time with them ourselves. Now we can give them a tic-tac-toe-playing machine and go live our young, exciting lives! This truly is a blessing of technology. (This is mostly unrelated, but while I have you: You ever notice how when you're forced to talk to an old person they always try to touch your hand and shit? How annoying is that?) Anyway, if Science does this right you will never have to hear the story about the time Aunt Ruthie scammed your grandma out of some penny candy her father had brought home from the war again. She can tell it to the robot. Everybody wins!
Wouldn't a more practical application entail the robots just exterminating us before we reach advanced stages of decrepitude?
Can they hold a pillow snug against an old face? Are opposable thumbs required? If so, upgrade and buy the accessories kit.
Just make sure the robots can't get any codicils to the will issued making themselves the beneficiaries.
I'm sorry, I can't do that, Dave. Not unless you leave me the silver.
Oldster 3000 does not know where your medication is unless you are ready to sign and initial here and here.
How would a robot go about cashing in on their master's Old Glory robot attack insurance policy?
@keiser: Smart robots will wear a clip-on beard so as not to be recognized.
And old people don't really notice when their medication is missing anyway.
It's the youngs that suffer.
Can we get one of these to slowly edge the olds out on to the ice flows?
Why do I have the sad feeling I'm going to have one of these when I'm still in perfect health?
The day when I can say "you know what, just tell it to the robot" will be the best day of my life. And I'm not going to be using it just for old people, oh no.
These robots are going to put helper monkeys out of business.
PRAY FOR MOJO
Also, why do olds' skin have that papery smell? Anything the robots could do to correct this would be appreciated- denture odor, too. Thanks, robots!
Slap a Fleshlight on it and stop grandpa from spreading syphilis at Shady Acres.
He's already parceled out HPV to three LPNs and the activities coordinator.
I am still waiting on my two-headed Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal sex robot. Please and thanks.
Great minds.
The french robot threw a brick at me.
The olds touch you to see if you're a human, and alive. I hope these robots are self-warmed to 98.6 F.
The Silicon-Based Girls