32) Tennessee Titans
31) Cincinnati Bengals
30) Indianapolis Colts
29) Arizona Cardinals

28) Carolina Panthers
27) Atlanta Falcons

26) Jacksonville Jaguars
25) Oakland Raiders
24) St. Louis Rams
23) San Diego Chargers
22) Chicago Bears

21) Detroit Lions
20) New York Giants

19) New York Jets
18) Seattle Seahawks

17) Denver Broncos

16) Tampa Bay Buccaneers
15) Houston Texans
14) Washington Redskins

13) Buffalo Bills

12) Dallas Cowboys
11) Philadelphia Eagles
10) Baltimore Ravens

9) New England Patriots
8) Minnesota Vikings
7) Miami Dolphins
6) New Orleans Saints
5) Kansas City Chiefs
4) San Francisco 49ers
3) Pittsburgh Steelers

2) Green Bay Packers
1) Cleveland Browns
Abe Sauer is apparently a Paul Brown enthusiast.
Yes, Carolina really blew it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carolina_Parakeet
Also, you, sir, no nothing of the stature of Tennesseans!
egads, "know." Jeez.
You gotta flop the Niners and the Ravens. The Ravens are named for Edgar Allen Poe's residence in Baltimore. The Niners are named for a bunch of dirty, self-deluding motherfuckers in Sacramento.
I'd get into the Baltimore/Philadelphia Poe War, but I went to high school with their quarterback, so as long as they win I don't care.
keisertroll means the Baltimore/Philadelphia/Boston Poe War. Only a true Bostonian could hate this town as much as Poe did!
Also, please confirm this:
eyebrows:Flacco :: hair:Samson
Flacco may be this century's Brian Sipe, but I think he'll do fine without the Baby Gerald.
also, I'm a bad html guy
http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2009/04/square_named_fo.html
Plus to this day I think my mascoting skills played every bit a vital part for our 2001 homecoming win as Joe Flacco's gunslinging.
I'm not Internet stalking you, keiser, I'm Internet stalking Joe Flacco. But can you tell us what the mascot representation of a Green Wave looks like?
Weren't the 49ers threatening to pack up their balls and move to Santa Clara?
They could rename themselves the Transistors or something like that.
The mere fact that you are Internet stalking anyone from my hometown is kinda weird, but I'll give you a pass. And as an opposing fan once told me to my face, it's essentially a big green piece of shit, or to be more generous, a giant Gumby ripoff.
My number one will always be the Washington Bullets.
2) Utah Jazz
32)Toronto Raptors
I have long felt that the Utah Jazz and New Orleans Saints should swap names.
The New Orleans/Oklahoma City Hornets
My little bit of NBA knowledge. The Jazz were called the Jazz because they were once in New Orleans. Of course I could be making that up.
@Ken: This is true: us olds remember the day.
It wasn't even that long ago!
@Dorothy: God but it FEELS like a long time ago.
A little research reveals that it was actually 1979? And so I guess that does count as a long time?
God, I'm old!
But in geologic time, that's practically NOTHING.
I, too, am old.
See also, the Minneapolis Lakers...the original Lakers Dynasty. With George Mikan, they won six of seven championships. (in the 40s and 50s). Then it all went to hell and they ended up in LA.
There are no Texans in Houston.
Houston must have had some kinda major think tank for that one...
Things I know because I have too many Wiki-binges: The team's name is a reference to the Dallas Texans, who joined the AFL the same year the Cowboys joined the NFL, but moved three years later and became the Kansas City Chiefs we know today!
God it feels good to finally break that useless wiki knowledge out.
This is truly a bittersweet moment for #CLEVELAND.
Is Jake D. your 'homme boy?
And technically, I'd put my Eagles as less relevant to their town (they were named after the freaking National Recovery Act) than Tampa, home of the Gasparilla Pirate Festival.
You beat me to calling out Jose Gaspar while I was logging in.
Buffalo is hindered by the fact that their football team name is in fact a pun.
I wish they were called the Buffalo Buffalo.
I look forward to when they finally move to Los Angles and adopt the dollar sign for their logo
Los Angeles Angels.
of Anaheim.
If you had ever been to the drunken ersatz Mardi Gras that is Gasparilla, you would have bumped Tampa Bay up a few notches. We love our semi-fictional pirate.
Wait, let me get this straight.
The Browns are #1 because of the reference in the name to Paul Brown, but the Chicago Bears, one of the original teams in the NFL, are #22...despite their name being a play on that other world-famous Chicago pro sports teams, the CUBS? You see, in 1922 the Chicago Staleys moved into Wrigley (nee Weeghman) Field, and as an homage to the Cubs' allowing the Staleys to play in their home ballpark, they changed the name to ... the Bears. (Football players are bigger than baseball players - Bears are bigger than Cubs. Get it?)
Sauer, you have failed miserably.
Abe thought the team was named after the black guy from Family Guy.
Bear down, Chicago Bears...
I'll never forget the way they thrilled the nation with their T-formation.
Awwww, I miss the Fridge.
You're the pride and joy of Illinois; Chicago Bears, Bear down!
@pete: Abe's making a Cleveland Steamer shit joke. He's a pervert.
@petejayhawk: But since "cubs" isn't something anyone particularly associates with Chicago, I think his ranking stands, or maybe the Bears would fall farther, since their name is derived from a name lacking city-specific significant (unless, of course, you can perhaps enlighten us on the connection).
I didn't come here looking for trouble; I just came to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.
*sigh* a Bears Fan. Yeah yeah yeah, just like the Lions/Tigers Detroit thing. But the team wasn't even founded in Chicago so automatic points lost there. Plus, while it's fun and all to have a team that basically is a joke about another of the city's teams, "Bears" have no real connection to Chicago... unless you count Lakeview East.
@abe: PERVERT!
@abe: Lakeview East? Oh, please. Come to Chicago and I'll take you to Touche sometime.
@petejayhawk: I used to live near Touche! (But I drank at Cunneen's, god help me.) And yeah, the other big Bear bars aren't in Boys Town, they're on North Clark, not too far south of Foster.
@oudemia: Oh, I know. Up 'til I moved back to Kansas this past spring, I lived at Ashland & Foster. Andersonville 4eva!
@pete: This seems as reasonable a time as any to ask: is a "jayhawk" a coopers hawk, a sharp-shinned hawk, or some other thing? (I know, I should just ask the google.)
@pjh: Rascher b/t Clark and Glenwood! (until I moved to NYC)
@kneetoe: None of the above. It is a mythical bird that, according to KU's website, "combines two birds--the blue jay, a noisy, quarrelsome thing known to rob other nests, and the sparrow hawk, a stealthy hunter."
"Jayhawkers" was the name adopted by anti-slavery guerrilla fighters from Kansas Territory before and during the Civil War. The term was subsequently adopted by the University of Kansas' sports teams.
More history here:
http://www.ku.edu/about/traditions/jayhawk.shtml
#THE MORE YOU KNOW
INTERESTING. Many thanks!
it also wears really, really silly buckle-shoes.
Washington Ethnic Slurs should either be #1 or #32.
This
Today, #32. From 1937 to 1963, #1 with a segregationist bullet.
Except that the Boston Ethnic Slurs were first.
Are socks capable of being slurred?
Oh hey, I was trying to be funny, but everybody look at MisterHippity's very educational comment below!
Yes -- see my comment below.
Although, as Keiser notes, the Redskins were segregated until 1963, so the team's racist history his very real, sadly.
I would just like to point out that the Patriots, the fucking Parriots who nobody gave two shits about until they started winning Super Bowls, are ahead of the Bears, Broncos and Redskins-three teams with some of the most loyal fans on earth.
Get those stars for Tom Brady out of your eyes Sauer.
*Patriots. Apparently i was typing that reply with too much verve!
I gave a shit about the Patriots UNTIL they started winning Super Bowls. CHAMPAGNE TONY FOREVER!!!!!
The Chicago Ward Heelers would surely have been higher on the list, no?
Also, i just noticed the "names" part on that header. Therefore i will show myself out.
And let us not forget the great Steve Grogan.
As a native of Pittsburgh (City of Champions), of course I'm upset. (But srsly, whatever happened to the Houston Oilers?) (I retired from football watching with Franco Harris, Jack Lambert, Lynn Swann, Rocky Blier, Dwight White, etc etc.)
They're now the insignificantest on the list!
They were even more insignificant for those couple terrible years when they were the Tennessee Oilers.
And where are the USFL teams on this list? I want my Memphis Showboats represented!
Buffalo Bill had as much to do with the city of Buffalo NY as Gary Cooper had to do with Gary, Indiana.
Or Jim Thorpe had to do with Jim Thorpe, Pennsylvania.
This is not the case with Joe, Montana (or as the proud 26 residents might still call it, Ismay, Montana).
Or Steve Young had to do with BYU, hahahaha no wait.
If I'm remembering correctly, the "Tennessee Titans" thing is supposed to be a nod to the fake Parthenon in Nashville, because, uh, Titans are from Greek mythology, I guess? It's better than the "Tennesee Oilers," which they were for several years after the move from Houston.
That is a horrific building.
The hell it is a "horrific building". It sure beats the Greeks' blown-up parthenon. For shame, propertius. World's best currently existing parthenon. Come on.
But so correct is Abe's "32) Tennessee Titans"!
The sooner they raze that hateful stadium and restore George Steinbrenner's Nashville Bridge Works and the original Gerst Haus to their rightful places, the better. Or, you know, a field with goats in it. An oxbow lake. Whatever. Bill, George, anything but Titans.
I so want to make a Blazing Saddles reference, but the good people of Kansas City have suffered enough.
best shitload-of-dime packages in the league
And Cincinnati has the Bengals in homage to their zoo's famous breeding program, which helped save the (genetically mutant) white tiger from extinction!
Awesome intel--of the variety that will stick to my brain, even at its drunkest (i.e., the best kind)!
I'm not quite clear on the significance of the teams named "New York Giants" and "New York Jets" to their home city of East Rutherford, New Jersey.
Hear, hear.
West Side Stadium - Never Forget!
Nothing about the Jets being so (re)named because of their former residence at Shea Stadium, in the shadows of LaGuardia?
The Jets used to play at Shea Stadium, right next to LaGuardia, so there were always planes flying overhead during their games.
The Giants were named to piggyback off the success of the baseball team (I think).
The Redskins name dates back to when the team was in Boston. They adopted the name to honor William "Lone Star" Dietz, of the Sioux Nation, who was head coach of the team from 1933 to 1934.
The Redskins are the only NFL team that ever hired a Native American head coach - and, ironically, their tribute to that coach has been insulting many Native Americans ever since.
They were initially named the Braves, after the baseball team that was so named because their owner was part of Tammany Hall. George Marshall changed the name to "Redskins," and I'm guessing it was more because Marshall was a flaming racist asshole than to "honor" Dietz.
And let us not speak of the North Dakota Fighting Sioux.
The official story is that Marshall changed the name to honor Dietz, who was really the coach at the time. However, there is no doubt that Marshall was a flaming racist asshole -- he didn't allow any black players on the team until 1963.
And now, interestingly enough, I've discovered that there's convincing evidence that Dietz was never really a Native American after all, although he pretended to be: http://www.aistm.org/lonestar.htm
In actuality, the Kansas City Chiefs are more closely connected with both their home city and Native Americans, through their namesake:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harold_Roe_Bartle
Come to think of that, that would explain Abe's pick of KC at #5.
Who can forget the pro tennis team the New York Sets?
I think the Rams and Cardinals should be tied for last, considering the teams have each moved twice and kept the same nickname. Too bad Tennessee isn't still called the Oilers.
LOTS OF REGIONAL BIAS HERE.
This is why nicknames are a stupid idea. Just name the team after the city/town and forget the stupid comic book add-ons.
How about... Boston Wednesday?
Or Cleveland Hotspur?
Come on, the "Wanderers" is an ideal team name. Perfect for ant amount of moves.
Can anyone go far enough back in history to tell me why in the days before the Indianapolis Infamy, the Baltimore team was called the Colts? Ravens makes sense, Colts doesn't.
Just guessing here, but I'm betting it's something to do with Pimlico? And the Preakness?
Yes.
Like so many of the early NFL teams, it was a simple contest to create interest in the team. Dude picked the Colts and won.
OH! Look at you with your fancy link!
"The team would be named Colts in honor of Baltimore's distinguished history with thoroughbred racing and the area's rich tradition in horse breeding."
Ding ding ding! Dorothy wins a prize!
Stupid non-reloading website...hmph.
It gives "The City that Breeds" even more nuance!
Why, thank you all and Dorothy and her magic link the most. So not only did the Baltimore Colts leave but now the Baltimore race tracks are losing money and thus the whirligig of time moves on in its revenges, or whatever that quote is.
From a very objective perspective, it seems odd that the Pittsburgh Steelers aren't top on this list. Steel was not only the most important thing to Pittsburgh for 75 years, it was probably the most important thing at all to the US economy for 30-40 years during the boom. 3 out of 4 people in Cleveland (I was born there) probably don't even know who Paul Brown is?!? And that was probably even true 30 years ago when the Browns mattered.
The Steelers could, technically, relocate to Gary, Indiana and be true to the city's history. The Browns team simply cannot ever be locally relevant elsewhere. Ditto the Packers.
I would really like a team to be named the Pharaohs. They would play in a stadium named The Pyramid. The cheerleaders would do funny King Tut cheers and hoist scepters with snakes wrapped around them while jumping up and down a lot. The Pharaohs mascot would be The Mummy, of course. And instead of doing one of those idiotic tomahawk chops like fans of teams with Native American-themed mascots or names do, we would hold our arms out straight in front of us and moan while rocking side-to-side just like an actual mummy. Then we'd all cheer and yell, "Pharaohs Rule!" And the other teams' fans would have nothing to say to that because that's what pharaohs really do; they rule. It's not even up for debate because it's, literally, the definition of the word 'Pharaoh'. I guess someone could say, "Not here, they don't." Or, "Go back to Egypt, Pharaohs!" But then they would quickly be embarrassed because we would yell, "This is The Pyramid and you're standing in The Embalming Zone!" They might pretend not to understand, but who cares because that's when the Guns 'N Roses cover of "Welcome to the Jungle" comes on over the stadium intercom system, except the words have been changed to "Welcome to the Embalming Zone." So, really, argument settled. Then, the Pharaohs score a touchdown to go ahead #$ to *%&, no one knows, because our scoreboard is in hieroglyphs, and so everyone just kind of stands there all confused until the announcer says, "Pharaohs 21, Redskins 3," and then we all scream and do the King Tut dance. I don't know what kind of snacks we would have at The Pyramid, but probably something pretty good.
'Cept they'd find themselves really hamstrung when having to play the Panthers. Or the Bengals. Or the Lions. And especially the Wildcats.
Is somebody going to do a book of Screen Name's comments or what.
Good pizza, apparently:
http://restaurants.uptake.com/tennessee/memphis/pyramid_arena_8045467.html
That is an outrage, Dave. How in the hell can someone take all the trouble to actually build an arena called The Pyramid, one that is even shaped like a pyramid, and not name any of the teams that play there The Pharaohs? The absence of sports teams named Pharaohs illustrates everything that is wrong with professional sports in this country. It's an outrage. A goddamn outrage.
@ Bry http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/25236
@screenname
Tom Scocca would like to point out the Memphis Pharaohs
http://www.arenafan.com/teams/Memphis_Pharaohs-31/history/1996/
Booyah.
Damn, 0-14? That's awful. I stand corrected. No worries. I am very flexible.
I would really like a team to be named the Muslims. They would play in a stadium named The Mosque and the red zone would be called "Ground Zero." The cheerleaders would do funny cheers wrapped in burkas while jumping up and down a lot. The Muslims mascot would be...
A suicide bomber? A bowl of hummus? Mahmoud Ahmedinejad?
The Packers should be number one because they are the only community-owned, major-league professional team in the U.S. Or they should be last because they're a bunch of socialists.
(wikipedia also says they are the only non-profit...but I'm guessing plenty of people thru time have many plenty of money of the Pack, so I'm not buying it.)
Go Pack Go.
Everyone's picking them for the Bowl which means they're about to go 9 and 7.
So basically, same as always?
god what IS IT with the NFC.
That was an overtime facemask by the Cardinals thank you very much.
Gotham Knights FTW.
The Chefs suck, that's all I have to say about this.
Could we have the Kings or the A's back, pls?
Great Googily Moogily.
What about XFL team names -- Chicago Enforcers, for example, had a very real connection to Chicago.
And least we forget just how much Rage Orlando had about ten years ago.