5
Gail Collins Cannot Help Comparing Republicans To Marine Mammals
"We do not generally compare Republicans to walruses."
-Usually Gail Collins likens Republicans to rabid otters. But the walrus analogy is a good one, too.
Not one William Howard Taft comparison made in either Collins' op-ed or the previous Awl post on the subject. Wear thee the walrus-moustache of shame.
As someone who is a big fan of walruses (don't get me started on how heartbreaking it was when the Coney Island baby walrus died. I was in mourning for weeks.) I find this insulting to walruses.
I disagree. I think Republicans are more like Tapirs in that both tapirs often wallow in mud pits, which also helps to keep them cool and free of insects. Additionally, Republicans have protruding rumps with stubby tails, and splayed, hoofed toes, with four toes on the front feet and three on the hind feet, which help them walk on muddy and soft ground just like their tapir counterpart.
and!
they are deceivingly cute as babies…but grow into something less so
are tapirs cold-blooded? do they have a black hole where their hearts are supposed to be? if so, then yes! they are exactly like republicans.