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Father Gives Daughter Birthday Gift Of Resentment-Based Vegetarianism
"Happy birthday, Autumn. I love you, and I hope you enjoy your Chick-fil-A."
— Montgomery, Ill., resident Ron Hubbard, who skipped out on his daughter's birthday in order to wait out in a parking lot and score a year's supply of chicken, biscuits, and other fixins from a freshly opened Chik-fil-A in nearby Aurora. The newest outpost of the closed-on-Sundays fast-food emporium is the first in Chicagoland proper; it opened at 6 a.m. CT today.
He also gave her a stripper name. What will strike #3 be?
I'd say living in Montgomery was strike 3
Their meth lab is the finest a double wide can hold, sir.
They share a collective tooth betwixt the entire Hubbard klan.
He was also not there to help other daughter Mayella bust up that chiffarobe.
Unclebrother Nub dun crossed the revenuers and had to take to the hills again.
aurora is still pissed at him for giving her crabs.
Grams tripped over her pendulous breasts on the rickety cinderblock steps so they took her out back and gave her a buckshot sandwich. Fortunately they are still banking her social security checks.
Sistermother Joelle has been making ends meet by running an amateur dental practice out of the spare outhouse.
All she needed was some twine and a doorknob.
As a native of Aurora who has been to Montgomery, I would concur. Not that I pine for A-town, either.
This man…nay, hero…is everything I want to be as a father. To skip out on your daughter's birthday for a subpar chicken sandwich is a life lesson for a child: that you are not as special as you think you are. Bravo, Chik-fil-father. Bravo!
Subpar?
Wait, how is a year's supply of Chick-Fil-A not the best gift ever? It's delicious!
DOUBLEDOWNER4L1F3
8R3A5t5 UP L3G5 D0WN
Yes, this is correct. Anyone who makes fun of this man understands neither fatherly love nor chicken sandwiches.
Dishes, takin' out the trash and lawnmowing 4 LYFE is the MINIMUM gratitude this girl should be showing.
Dad?
I continue to not "get" Chick-Fil-A. Wake me when the coolhunters are taking Wendy's back.
You are not alone.
DO ME AND THE BOSSMAN NEED TO DRAG YOU INTO A ROOM.
Clearly you have not tasted the majesty that is the Chicken Biscuit breakfast sandwich.
Holy fucking Chicken Biscuit Breakfast Sandwich.
I could understand if it were for Bojangles, but Chick-Fil-A? There's no variety there.
I'd say the variation at Chick-Fil-A is comparable to that of Bojangles. What CFA lacks in Bo'berry Biscuits, etc. they make up for in peppermint milkshakes and stuff like that.
But most Chick-Fil-As don't serve breakfast all day. This is where they fall behind. That, plus the biscuits. Those wonderful biscuits.
I may have an addiction to Bojangles.
Their waffle fries are very good.
Sweet tea and biscuits are better at Bojangles, actual chicken is way better at Chick-fil-A.
I would beg for a 12 piece right about now.
Mmmm…peanut oil…Polynesian sauce…
^^ Contains Dimethylpolysiloxane, an anti-foaming agent added; do not care.
Are you sure you're talking about food there?