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"Corn Sugar": Because You'll Swallow Anything
"The makers of high fructose corn syrup want to sweeten up its image with a new name: corn sugar. The bid to rename the sweetener by the Corn Refiners Association comes as Americans' concerns about health and obesity have sent consumption of high fructose corn syrup, used in soft drinks but also in bread, cereal and other foods, to a 20-year low. The group plans to apply Tuesday to the Food and Drug Administration to get 'corn sugar' approved as an alternative name for food labels."
-I kind of love that the healthiest-sounding alternative the corn industry could come up with to peddle their poison is "sugar." But whatever, I'm fine with this so long as we get to rebrand our gigantic American asses as "back padders."
Mexican Coca Cola 4evaaa
FUCK YES
You boys always struck me as the Mountain Dew Throwback types. I could do without the silly bottles for the Mexican Coke, myself; just give it a red and green label, for chrissakes.
Bring back Gran'Pappy!
The first time I drank Pepsi in Canada, it was a revelation.
@kt: I love me a Sweet Marie bar and a Pepsi whenever I am in Toronto.
@garge – The glass bottles are perfect for clanking together to intimidate/lure out rival gangs in Coney Island.
@deepomega: Those bottles are tooooo long. You need a couple stubby Red Stripes if you want the Warriors to come out to play.
You say that…but I suspect you've never had a Dublin Dr. Pepper. All the sweet, sweet sugar in a compact glass bottle. Plus it's made in Ammurica.
@Tuna–are you able to expound on "6.5 oz. returnables" ?!?!
Someone got me to try Pepsi throwback recently, and it was actually pretty good. Not good enough to restore Karmic balance after Pepsi Blue, but what would be?
But if I needed any argument against corn in drinks, I've found it: Blenheim doesn't have any.
@boyofdestiny: If memory serves, my man had a couple of Budweiser shorties and maybe an old clear Mickey's Wide Mouth in there for good measure.
@stc: You're not wrong. Your recall of liquor-holding vessels astounds me.
@boyofdestiny: For a brief period in the early eighties, I was a Turnbull AC but I was too vain about my lustrous locks so they kicked me out.
@STC Goddamn, man. I bet you have a fine leather vest and a full back tattoo of Cyrus's face with "RIP" in a blackletter font under it.
@stc: I've been waiting for 8 years for the Hi Hats to start a Boston branch. I think I've got what it takes!
@deep: I actually still drive the school bus around on weekends when I'm nostalgic.
@boyofdestiny: 8 years? You can't wait around forever! Mime is money!
Matt Cherette needs to fall in line with this corporate thinking and rename himself after a beloved sitcom character. Because we all love sitcoms.
I suggest either Warren "Potsie" Weber or Victoria "Vicki" Ann Smith-Lawson, TV's Small Wonder.
Or Tom "The Roll" Keiser, from the TV show in my mind.
Or a beloved sitcom child star. He could be Soleil Moon Pie.
@scrolly & kt: Delicious.
When I was a little kid I used to swig from a Karo Syrup bottle and pretend I was drunk. There must be some angle marketers can glean from that.
I guess hyperglycemic shock is kind of like being drunk?
Just wait until Google Body Recognition [Beta] is released .. this guy won't be pleased.
I thought that was Balk's bulk?
When The Awl interviews Before Photo Man, it'll blow up bigger than the BP Twitter get.
And you just KNOW they're thinking of replacing The Awl logo with this guy. Maybe place a chicken head on him and make him our mascot.
I hear he is the third website of the Awl Network, the one to be related to womyn's issues, and Cho is just testing his clicks for the advertisers right now.
@garge – called Stretch Marks?
(ducks)
"Whether it's cane sugar or corn sugar, your body can't tell the difference. Sugar is sugar." Really? That's the sell? I guess the corn industry knows they've got us firmly by the balls no matter what, so "persuasive argumentation" isn't a real priority in their marketing strategy.
And its fine in moderation, so lets just put it in everything.
"Since when did 'Corn Sugar Diabetes' became plain old 'Diabetes'?"
They should call it 'Maizelasses'
M(al)aize?
and how
@Clarence: Is it proper 4th date etiquette to whip out the corn syrup and beat your date about the head and shoulders with it?
Then grab the gaping wound and recreate that James Spader scene from Crash.
@STC: I was just talking about James Spader being bloated and gross minutes ago!
Also- I know *someone* who's begging for a gaping wound if he does not RESPOND as he should..
Just did this morning. Sorry!
*fingers crossed*
#sayyoubettergetyourassonthatplane
I'm afraid it's not good news.
*GASPS*
/earrings coming off
I can't get away. I am so sorry.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! BeYOND crushed.
Or, 'Freedom Sugar'
Freedom from thinness.
Isn't "enormous gut" the new "chubby"?
"Huge lard ass" is the new "svelte".
Or they could call it "Xe".
Xetose
I think they should call it corn shinola.