Somewhat Live Blogging The Emmys

In a surprise turn of events, I'm going to be both watching and live blogging the Emmys which I have almost no interest whatsoever! So get excited for the scintillating commentary to come! There may be guests! There may not be guests! Here goes nothing/something! (The most recent updates will be on top.)

11:00: It's over! This was not completely awful! Your regular editors will be back in the morning!

10:57: Modern Family wins for best comedy! Remember when this show started nine hours ago and Modern family was winning all of those awards? They did it again! But more importantly, MANNY IS WEARING A RED DRESS SHIRT AND FEDORA. What's not to like about this? Also, one of my friends, a girl, just told me, "That middle daughter looks like she gained some weight." AND SO IT BEGINS.

10:51: Mad Men wins for best drama! Finally, shows people care about! Jon Hamm and January Jones shared a moment on stage. The people who hate January Jones seem to conversely very much enjoy Jon Hamm wearing a tux.

10:50: Tom Selleck was so good on the Marta Kaufman TV show FRIENDS as Monica's on-again-off-again boyfriend Richard!

10:48: THE PEOPLE INVOVLED WITH THE TV MOVIE TEMPLE GRANDIN SEEM TO BE REALLY PROUD OF THEIR BOOBS BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE. I CANNOT FOCUS ON THIS VERY SPECIAL AND SENTIMENTAL MOMENT BECAUSE THERE ARE WOMAN PARTS EVERYWHERE.

10:46: WHY IS THE MINISERIES SECTION OF THIS ALL SO LONG? DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE? Ooh, Tom Hanks is on TV! I really enjoyed That Thing You Do!

10:40: Al Pacino won something and is tan in a way that is normally a way that you associate with creepy old dudes. That plus the very teased hair is sort of jarring to see, considering the role that Al Pacino played in my more formative years as Don Corleone and Tony Montana. They seem to be less inclined to play him off than the people who put together Top Chef though.

10:26: Miniseries and TV movie awards are not interesting to me at all. You know what does interest me? The movie The Time Traveler's Wife. I saw this movie today and it was absolutely insane. I can't really recommend that anyone watch it, because it's awful, but it's also completely CRAZY. Oh, Claire Danes seems to have won something. Again, not interested.

10:17: I really like that Jewel song that has to do with the smiley face eggs. That one really holds up.

10:07: You know who else all girls seem to hate (along with Lea Michelle – see below at 8:46)? January Jones. Oh man, in the last year and a half (the tipping point being the Piven incident it seems like) all girls have turned on January Jones, like, hard. It's insane how angry they all are at her for being "overrated," or "not talented" (can we be real, she's very, very good on Mad Men playing a weird ass character in Betty Draper), or the best: "not even all that pretty." JUST FYI, TEAM JONES Y'ALL.

10:05: Whoa, there was a TV movie/miniseries about Georgia O'Keefe? How not at all interesting to me!

10:02: JEAN LUC PICARD IS IN THE BUILDING FOLKS.

9:56: Is anyone else nervous that Boardwalk Empire is going to suck, because I am REEEEEEEALLY worried about that.

9:53: The Daily Show wins for something varietal and comedy related. As it turns out, their writing staff comes off as very obnoxious when given an opportunity to celebrate themselves on national television!

9:48: BUCKY GUNTS WINS!!! AND HAS A FAMILY MEMBER NAMED BJ.

9:33: Kyra Sedgwick wins for The Closer on TNT (TNT knows drama). It's a little early in the show to say this, but I think, "Tina would you mind holding my Emmy?" be the quote of the evening that most sums up the entire Emmy awards show!

9:28: Takeaway from The Emmys: I should be selling Avon and realizing that I can probably sell better than I can, and also, I need to eat more turkey because I can potentially lose up to 400 pounds.

9:23: Can we give it up to Jimmy Fallon for how quickly he's changing costumes? This guy is killing it! (As far as wardrobe changes go.)

9:13: Brian Cranston wins for best lead actor in Breaking Bad. Insert some sort of Friday Night Lights or Malcolm In The Middle joke here.

9:11: Archie Panjabi wins for best lead actress in The Good Wife. I wonder if she's named after the comic book character Archie? Often times immigrant parents allow their children to choose their own American names and they're often based on pop icons, I could see that being the case here!

9:04: Aaron Paul wins for best supporting actor in Breaking Bad! While Roger Sterling and Locke and Ben were all very good, Aaron Paul is also very good (I've heard) and seems very genuinely excited to have won!

9:02: Matthew Wiener and Erin Levy win for best writing on Mad Men! Did anyone else see Sal cheering in the section of Mad Men cast members who aren't the famous ones? He looked great!

8:56: I find it hard to believe that the New Orleans Saints do not have a more famous celebrity fan other than Harry Connick Jr. Fun fact, I think he or his wife was once on FRIENDS? Maybe the episode where Chandler's stuck in the vestibule?

8:52: Top Chef wins for best reality show! The Emmy TV show and I are friendly again. I enjoy Top Chef a lot! Except for this season which seems like it's too much reality and punnery, too many twists that have less to do with food preparation, but more about drama and pea puree. Also, doesn't Padma look EXTRA tan?

8:46: You know who hates Lea Michelle? Almost every girl ever. Apparently they've all heard she's a heinous bitch! Seriously, don't ever tell a girl you think Lea Michelle looks attractive, because they will quickly tell you that they've heard that Lea Michelle is such a bitch and totally believe it based on how she looks! Edie Falco just won for a show that was not the Sopranos or 30 Rock. I'm not quite sure how that just happened, Tina Fey also seems confused!

8:38: Jim Parsons from a TV show called the Big Bang Theory has just won for best lead actor in a comedy! One of the people I'm watching this with says that the Big Bang Theory is actually a good TV show? Does anyone else have thoughts on this? I've never heard this to be the case.

8:35: Neil Patrick Harris and Betty White won Emmys! As did Ryan Murphy who directed the pilot of the TV show Glee! What a nice jacket Ryan Murphy is wearing – apparently it's Tom Ford! Tom Ford once told someone I knew that he should never button more than 3 buttons when wearing a dress shirt. Isn't that so Tom Ford? Also, doesn't Ryan Murphy look like the guy who worked at Central Perk and had a crush on Rachel?

8:32: Hey, it's Chnandler Bong on TV! Remember how good that joke was when originally executed on the TV show FRIENDS? I hope that you enjoyed it as much there as you did in 1998!

8:26: Jane Lynch wins for supporting actress in a comedy! I agree with this Emmy winner again! I think that Jane Lynch is the funniest person on the TV show Glee! She also seems really nice right? The Emmys are great! Will they also be fans of sandwiches and the new Kanye West song 'Monster'? Is this show just an articulation of my interests and opinions?

8:22: Steve Levitan and Christopher Lloyd win for best writing on Modern Family! Wow, they should call this the Modern Family show! But that would probably realistically become very confusing for people looking for it on their DVRs and TV listings. Sidebar: How do you think the other Christopher Lloyd feels about his show with Pamela Anderson on Fox called Stacked quickly becoming the more diminutive, recent. Christopher Lloyd television project?

8:13: Eric Stonestreet wins for best actor in a supporting comedy! Huzzah! This show is great and deserves to win Emmys, in my opinion (I am not on the Emmy award designating committee but maybe I should be as our opinions seem to align!). His speech was heartfelt and the other red headed guy who plays a gay man on Modern Family also seemed to be crying too! This whole Emmys thing is a little more nice and emotionally compelling than I originally believed it to be!

8:11: Going back to the Hamm/White well already Emmys?

8:08: Remember when Jimmy Fallon had weird messy hair and that was like his thing? It was such a thing, him always having messy hair and what not!

8:02: WILL BETTY WHITE CAMEOS EVER STOP BEING FUNNY? Yes! They will! Two minutes ago in fact!

7:55 pm: Apparently a lot of women are wearing navy today. Kelly Osborne does not like people wearing navy in such heavy fabric. It's amazing that these are facts that are shared on television as though they are noteworthy in any way, shape, or form!