24
Things Choire Sicha Would Tell You If He Were On The Internet Today
5. Don't worry so much!
4. Oh, except in this case, yes, you can tell them to fuck off right to their faces right now!
3. No, you should take your revenge months from now, when they've forgotten all about it.
2. Save the good first sentence from the first paragraph and cut the rest of it and stick that sentence in the second paragraph.
1. Don't undermine your negotiating position.
Choire Sicha is off the Internet today.
It's how he would have wanted it.
I'm arranging for 2. to be put on my gravestone.
5. Bobby McFerrin concurs.
Was he struck by an overhead bag?
Is Cat pacing around nervously? Did Choire take the change bowl? So many questions.
It's all Yardy's fault.
This made me happy this morning–
[Yes, I follow Choire on Twitter. NO, he does not follow me back.]
Please tell me he slid out the inflatable exit. Oh, please tell me that. Not that I want to be rid of Choire — far from it. I just want pictures of him sliding down the inflatable exit, screaming "Fuck You All!"
"Fuck you, Awl!"?
Choire should be so kind as to throw a beer on us all. Really.
I erased the entire first paragraph. Shit.
In all seriousness, I actually think he is actually talking to me in this case. If not, I'll take it, except #2 for obvious reasons.
I took the great sentence from the last paragraph and deleted it because I finally realized that it had nothing to do with anything. Kill your darlings!
Oooh, THAT DUDE DID NEED A BREAK! So underminey! Revenge scheduled for 2011.
Someone needs to have a stern word with the Internet. Wasn't it the Internet's turn to watch Choire today?
Rats.
This seems surprisingly prescient to my non-internet life today, too!
I've dreamed about being edited by Chorie Sicha, and now I can do it to myself!
Who's Choire Sicha?
(Motto? Never leave the Internet.)
Google it, newb.
Every day, whether I want to or not, I read at least one thing on the internet that makes me feel stupider for having read it. Today it was this article in The Awl.
"ooo. so multiculti"
"asldkfjalskd;fjasdfl;"
"follow your heart"
enjoy your time off. please enjoy yourself!!!!!
"LIES"
"!!!"
"Okay!"
Has anyone checked on Jolie? I worry about her on days like this.