Thursday, August 12th, 2010

Letters I Would Consent to Have Sex With, in Descending Order

Yes, this is really happening1. I
2. J
3. L
4. P
5. O
6. Q
7. B
8. D
9. R
10. A
11. G
12. C
13. S
14. T
15. H
16. U
17. V
18. N
19. F
20. E
21. Y
22. M
23. X
24. K
25. Z
26. W

Lizzie Skurnick is the author of Shelf Discovery, a memoir of teen reading. She lives in Jersey City.

58 Comments / Post A Comment

keisertroll (#1,117)

"Was it as good enough for you as it was good enough for me?"

This is bullshit! U is clearly a top 5 fucking letter! It's made for fisting, fornication and fellatio.

garge (#736)

Fisting is not everybody's thing, though.

sure, that's why listed to other things. Replace 'and' with an 'or' for flexibility!

kneetoe (#1,881)

@JSF: Well, a guys list would be altogether different, no?

No. No it would not.

kneetoe (#1,881)

I see you feel strongly about this one so I won't waste any time or effort trying to dissuade you.

It is an issue of paramount importance, indeed. My commitment to hard-assery on this issue, however, is merely for joke purposes. Terribly sorry for slowing your roll, as it were.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Well, you certainly wouldn't have wanted to weaken your negotiating position.

Don't worry so much!

katiebakes (#32)

U is notoriously horny! I learned this as a child.

A little grabby, isn't she?

Smitros (#5,315)

Much of Cyrillic would be painful.

Ziggy (#529)

Not if it were dressed up in the Comic Sans font.

Art Yucko (#1,321)


too rigid for my tastes.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

It's the #VVIKKΣDNΣϞϞ that draws me in, what can I say.

fucking. epic.

Mmmm. I want sum of that.

"O! O! O!"
"I'm J! Why are you shouting out another letter's name?"

lawyergay (#220)

I would have put "P" at the top. It's got a high, tight ass on it!

J is shaped a little like a jackrabbit vibrator, no?

carpetblogger (#306)

good for hitting those hard to reach places…

roboloki (#1,724)

fuck an a.

HiredGoons (#603)

lowercase letters are jailbait.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

Goons. sssssshhhh. Not going to discuss what happened the last time you invited a clique of lowercases over to "interview for an internship."

Pffft! Plain vanilla middle-of-the-alphabet letters… Bleah!

oudemia (#177)

ξ and ζ and ψ are where the real action's at.

slow education (#3,659)

@oudemia: was trying to reply to you. Ancient greek is for whippersnappers!

slow education (#3,659)

damn kids think they invented sex. you should have seen what we got up to with Linear B !

oudemia (#177)

Touché. But may I recommend the Phaistos Disc? One could get up to stuff with that mohawk dude and the chocolate chip cookie.

Mindpowered (#948)

Heh. Damn Mycenaeans trying to take credit for everything, why don't you try  or  ?

Mindpowered (#948)

(they show up as Egyptian hieroglyphics btw)…

Smitros (#5,315)

F*ck like an Egyptian . . .

theheckle (#621)

This leads me to wonder which alphabet's letters are the best for the sex…Also which are best for sexting?

sixlocal (#296)


oudemia (#177)

It all comes back to the Delta.

Aatom (#74)

I'm more of a numbers guy.

Ziggy (#529)

Pi is tres sexy.

roboloki (#1,724)

i tried picking up infinity in a bar one night. she told me i couldn't get her wet with a glass of water…elitist bitch!

Multiphasic (#411)

Really? She was totally willing to talk to me. Kinda sucked, though; she just went on and on forever.

roboloki (#1,724)

in her defense, i have kyphosis and a club foot (not the good kind).

MollyculeTheory (#4,519)

If you sex up the aleph, you can't be sure if you are about to come, already have, or are currently doing so.

cherrispryte (#444)

Are we to think of these letters as vaguely people-sized, or as insertables/orifices?

Or am I taking things too literally? Is it about the personality of the letter or the shape?

Cause damn, vowels are total sluts.

skahammer (#587)

And Y goes both ways.

Ziggy (#529)

X always gets the shaft, and not in a good way.

Multiphasic (#411)

Don't worry, buddy. It's not your x-height that matters, it's your point size.

Ziggy (#529)

God, I miss your humor. (Sorta?)

Multiphasic (#411)

Seems fitting (or ill-fitting, depending): when Choire Sicha turns off the Internet, Lizzie Skurnick turns on the alphabet.

Ziggy (#529)

Yes, it's a good thing The Awl doesn't pay by the word (or the letter!).

TableNine (#1,104)

I call bullshit on this list. If W is 26 then M should be 25, no?

pepper (#676)

It's not the point size, it's the leading.

skahammer (#587)

Is it wrong that these days, just hearing about a woman's consent to sex — expressed in the conditional, even — is enough to raise my pulse rate?

Okay, I thought so.

cherrispryte (#444)

No. Consent is sexy.

Mister_Neutron (#5,921)

C is for cookie, that's good enough for me.
C is for cookie, that's good enough for me.
C is for Cookie, that's good enough for Me –
Cookie Cookie Cookie starts with C!

My favorite song from Sesame Street. Thanks for the reminder.

Leon (#6,596)

These are all dogmeat compared to the glamour of the interrobang.

Astigmatism (#1,950)

So is L so high because you like bad boys, or because it sounds like it's good with its tongue?

Post a Comment