Here Comes The Sun
What's that, Science? You've got something important to tell us? What is it, boy?
The Sun appears to have jolted from its deep slumber, blasting tonnes of plasma into interplanetary space on Sunday, which is expected to collide with the Earth within the next 24 hours.
"This eruption is directed right at us, and is expected to get here early in the day on 4 August," says astronomer Leon Golub of the Harvard-Smithsonian Center for Astrophysics. "It's the first major Earth-directed eruption in quite some time."
Wait, we're all going to die in a hail of fiery solar particles? Oh GOD WHY NOW I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR! I TAKE IT ALL BACK! I WANT TO LIVE! LIVE! Huh? Oh, it's just going to be a display of auroral light? Why didn't you say so in the first place? I'm gonna go smoke.
How about the effects on wireless transmission?
Don't look the gift-mass coronal ejection in the mouth.
If you're an AT&T customer, it'll be like any other day.
If you rarely use your flip-phone for anything other than to check the time, it'll totally be just like any other day.
Only because it will fall apart if you open it.
They're coming to get you, Barbara!
(is attacked by silent human-shaped mass of solar particles in a torn and ill-fitting suit)
I'll just have to remember to bring my umbrella tomorrow!
you meant to say your sieve.
Has Superman been rounding up the world's nuclear arms again?
all 138 of them
I have trouble quantifying tonnes of plasma. Or tons of plasma for that matter. I mean, how much plasma is in a plasma TV? How much plasma would one receive in a total transfusion? Plasma in interplanetary space seems innocuous enough, but is Sun plasma worse then human plasma? Is Wendy O. Williams involved?
A tonne, or metric ton, is, roughly, a little bigger than a ton, but not a ton bigger (or, of course, a tonne bigger). Not sure what plasma is.
I once learned that there is dog plasma and cat plasma.
Isn't plasma just a state of matter between a liquid and a solid?
There's a cool video of it on http://www.spaceweather.com!
Yes, sun, bring that shit on, cuz you got nuthin'. Actually, no, slumber some more why don't you.
Leno's writers are at this moment working furiously on a joke about BP's solar power division.
I was waiting for Balk's joke about a "major… eruption." Feh.