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"Even fending off advances from male cadets can create problems. 'You can't say, Sorry guys, I'm gay,' the senior said. 'And if I say, I have a boyfriend, I'm breaking the honor code.' Breaching the Cadet Honor Code-'a cadet will not lie, cheat, steal or tolerate those who do'-can result in serious discipline."
-A fascinating look today at how cadets at West Point in the era of Don't Ask Don't Tell live like they're in a Jason Bourne movie. This thing is going to look so crazy in the history books: it could almost be seen as a president's peccadilloes seeping into official state policy. It's like Clinton made everyone in the military say, "It depends on what the meaning of the word 'is' is," for twenty years.
Cigarillos, Portobellos and 10-Inch Dildos: An Armadillo's Pecadilloes by Phyllis Diller
How exhausting and awful to live that way. But as far as resisting advances from male cadets, why is the presumption they are owed an explanation? Just say "thanks, but no thanks."
I think Just Say No doesn't always work, but I do agree that something like, "because you are really, really ugly" might!
STRONGLY AGREE
And yet. I don't actually understand why "I'm not interested" is out of the question. I'm just talking about the honor code violation part.
Really, I guess it's just beyond the scope of my imagination/empathy to get why any person (straights included) would want that bad to be in the military–at least before DADT is repealed.
A top-notch free education complete with a one-way ticket out of EastOvershoe, SquareState, PLUS a guaranteed job/career? The service academies are Oz to many, many kids who would otherwise be stuck for life in places they can't see another way out of.
Between coming out to myself and coming out to my family, I briefly considered joining the army. I was afraid of flunking out of school, I would've been able to get out of my parents' house, and I would've satisfied my supersoldier fetish. And so on.
As to the honor code issue: I'm guessing there are more than a couple of testosterone-fueled alpha-male 19-year-olds at a place like West Point for whom "I'm not interested" sounds like "try harder" rather than "back off."
Mishaps is right, and if you turn down too many advances too forcefully, you're going to get people pissed off at you. In that situation, pissed off people can do real damage to you very easily.
also, women are socialized to be nice, even when theoretically it should be unnecessary, because most of the time it actually IS necessary to be overly nice. The social consequences for not sufficiently petting the egos' of the men in your world are ugly indeed.
But hey! Institutionalized identify repression sure makes for great spy training.
All aspiring spies, before even applying to Spy vs. Spy School, probably have to be able to document that they have been lying about their sexuality for years. So much for the old "Commie gay blackmail" argument.
I was confused initially, because imagined a gay male cadet was trying to fend off advances from a nominally straight male cadet. Why would he do that? Was the straight guy just seeking some relief? But the gay guy wanted a relationship? But come on man, it’s just physical, let’s do this. But dude, I don’t know, it’s not like that for me. What, don’t be such a girl, homo, I’m just saying, help a buddy out … SORRY. Where was I?