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Web Tabloid Run By Gay Super Confused By Gayness
I'm not sure TMZ quite understands how the gayness works? In an item this morning headlined "Julianne Hough: I Thought Seacrest Was Gay!," they wrote: "There's a reason it took Ryan Seacrest such a long time to score a date with his new girlfriend Julianne Hough–she thought she lacked the proper equipment … genitally speaking." Either I woke up in some forgotten Ursula Le Guin novel about the "third sex" or TMZ's big gay boss isn't properly explaining the birds and the bees and the penises to his young team.
Well, but their staff probably buys a lot of their own equipment.
Maybe 'Maxl Rose' wrote the blurb. I can see him having a hard time wrapping his surferbrain around the question.
"And it was THIS big"…
That's what Mimi, Nicole and Katie said about Tom Cruise. *eye roll*
It's not entirely unreasonable to suspect that Seacrest has a Ken-like smoothness down there, right?
If only he had Mod Hair Ken's removable mutton chop sideburns.
Or a Katy Perry-esque bag of fun sized Hershey's miniatures.
Ken's taller.
"Later, upon inspection, the 'Dancing with the Stars' sweetheart realized she was packing ten inches of thick uncut man meat between her slender thighs. 'Ryan hasn't left me alone since,' she giggled."
Really Harvey? That shirt?
He's a lawyer.
Wait wait wait. The Gays don't have an inverted cross-shaped phallus? I have to go write a letter to a bishop…
Shhh! If Lady Gaga finds out our junk is normal, she'll disown us.
While it's always awesome to see a mention of Ursula Le Guin, suggest you make an offering on the alter of drawing distinctions– right away.
I'll make sure I'll dream about it during my next visit to Dr. Haber.
If I were a urologist or OBGYN, I would start all of my diagnoses with "Genitally speaking…"
Wait … you're telling me that gay guys' genitals that look the same as straight guys' genitals?
I always assumed that gay guys' genitals were … prettier or something.
But it makes sense!
"She thought SHE lacked the proper equipment" works; "she thought HE lacked the proper equipment" doesn't.