The Horton Plains Slender Loris Shouldn't Even Bother Trying To Lie To Scientists

It's definitely nice to learn that a species thought to be extinct for 65 years is still on the planet. Specially one as cool and freaky-looking as the Horton Plains slender loris, which was recently found and photographed, for the first time ever, in a jungle in Sri Lanka by the Zoological Society of London. Where has this short-limbed, huge-eyed nocturnal primate been hiding all this time? We'll have the answer soon. With those giant peepers, that thing doesn't stand a chance of keeping any secrets from the hot new eye-tracking lie-detector system developed by psychologists at the University of Utah. Says Gerald Sanders, of the company, Credibility Assessment Technologies, that is now commercializing the system:

"The eye-tracking method for detecting lies has great potential. It's a matter of national security that our government agencies have the best and most advanced methods for detecting truth from fiction, and we believe we are addressing that need by licensing the extraordinary research done at the University of Utah."

That's right, loris, so out with it! Where were you on all the nights between 1932 and 2002?