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Friday, July 23, 2010

28

Sunday Routine | Beeswax Richards: A Laid-Off Editor Who Likes Club Soda in Her Carlo Rossi

THE DOGBeeswax Richards, 34, the former assistant editor of a flailing environmental website, used to go for long bike rides on Sundays with her husband. But now, she feels too guilty to indulge in "leisure time," and instead devotes free hours to her ongoing job search, and to her pets: a German Shepard named Delia, aged 9, and a yet-unnamed kitten who turned up on the doorstep of her home in Saugerties, NY. Ms. Richards and her husband, Paul, met on a Metro North train to Manhattan twelve years ago. After they married, the couple endured a brief stint in Queens before relocating to Saugerties, where Delia has room to run.

CORNFLAKE WAKE-UP CALL Paul is a great cook-he used to pack these fantastic turkey sandwiches for us to bring to work in the city-but we've cut back. We used to eat pancakes on Sunday mornings, but Bisquick goes too quick (ha ha!) and the homemade version takes up too much time (time is money, Paul says) so we've settled on Cornflakes. Stop n' Shop brand is quite similar to the real thing, and with bananas you really can't tell the difference. When I hear the crackling of the box and subsequent clatter of cornflakes tumbling into bowls, well, I know it's time to get up and face the day.

THE COMPUTER It would be grand to spend a day away from my dented Dell laptop, but time is money! Paul still commutes into Manhattan for work, doing some sort of administrative thing that pays all right, but laments every night that his boss ignores him and that layoffs must be imminent. He gives me "the look" when I say he shouldn't worry about it; it's the same look he gives me when I discuss wanting children! Well... I'm only 34! Anyway, I settle into my home office, a corner of the room I'd hoped would be a playroom for the kids. Delia likes to curl up at my feet. God knows where the kitten is. Paul wanted to keep her.

THE "OFFICE"ANTIQUING Saugerties is known for its antiques shops, but clearly we're in no position to purchase anything old. Nonetheless, after a few hours on Craigslist and Mediabistro, and after perusing the want-ads in the Poughkeepsie Journal (nary a thing worth responding to, usually, as even the waitress positions have dried up), I change into an old sundress and flip-flops, put Delia on the leash and shove off for a blissful half-hour of window-shopping. I walk alongside the weekending Manhattan residents sometimes, just to feel like I'm part of their world. They seem so relaxed!

THE DELI Paul usually meets up with us halfway into the walk. He'll be holding two cups of coffee from the deli and a danish that we split. It's things like this that convince me our marriage can survive my "temporary work hiatus"-that's what we call it after a few glasses of Carlo Rossi Sangria. You know, I'd been skeptical of the Rossi-it reminded me of high school-but with some apples and club soda it's really not bad!

GIRL TALK WITH ABBY
My little sister Abby lives in Brooklyn and is sort of my hero. She bartends and does indoor composting, which I've tried and failed at, mostly because Paul couldn't stand the sight of the worms. A similar thing happened when I tried harvesting honey, which obviously required beekeeping (I didn't get this nickname for nothing!). He just doesn't understand the concept of DIY and it drives me bonkers! I mean, really, we can't afford not to take control of our nutritional needs and destinies at this point! Anyway, on Sundays Abby and I talk about the guys she's sleeping with and how her artwork is going (she went to Pratt), and I tell her about my job prospects or lack thereof, and about my ongoing flirtation with the owner of one of the antiques shops in town-he's sort of a silver fox, but I'd never go there (I think?!).

FILING TIME Sunday is my designated day to file unemployment claims, so I get that out of the way in the late afternoon. Then I start on a round of emails. I try to keep in touch with old colleagues, professors and well-connected former lovers. Whatever works!

THE LAWNLAWN MOWING To avoid melting, Paul waits until early evening to mow the lawn. He's usually very careful about avoiding my vegetable garden (mostly cucumbers) and my patch of Astilbes and Bleeding Hearts-our yard has a great little shaded area-but last week he recklessly took out two plants and let the kitten roll around in the plot. We got into a small spat. He doesn't always understand how seriously I take the garden; I was editor of an environmental website for goodness sake. Grist almost fucking hired me last month, but then the job went to some hot hipster with a CSA membership.

NIGHTLY READING Sue, the next-door neighbor, comes by around 8 p.m. to loan us her Sunday Times- God knows we can't afford to buy our own copy. I retreat to bed and read for a few hours-Paul joins me and complains about Maureen Dowd's predictable punch lines. Before turning out the light I always realize that I've been biting my nails all week, and that if I'm called in for an interview someday, the sight of my hands could keep me from getting the job. The kitten curls up between us, and Paul snores while I lay awake, contemplating moving in with Abby.


Sarah Amandolare is a writer from New York living in Prague. The 'Sunday Routine' column gave her a new reason to dread Sundays.

Flickr photos (in order) by daniela.magallon, Dano Izumi and Qfamily.

28 Comments / Post A Comment

C_Webb
C_Webb (#855)

Fucking. Brilliant. THANK YOU.

C_Webb
C_Webb (#855)

The disappointment on the dog's face is priceless. OK, I'll stop now.

doubled277
doubled277 (#2,783)

This really was outstanding.

Art Yucko
Art Yucko (#1,321)

I might even suggest to the Ms. that we she that Carlo Rossi trick! I do appreciate jugs of drinks, with handles on them.

(Brilliant is right! More!)

Art Yucko
Art Yucko (#1,321)

"that she/we try" -nghff.-

Annie K.
Annie K. (#3,563)

Lovely voice. You'll work everything out -- I know these things.

Vulpes
Vulpes (#946)

Can The Dog and Cat somehow team up and fight crime?

C_Webb
C_Webb (#855)

If the goal is to get out of Saugerties, they may have to actually perform crime.

doubled277
doubled277 (#2,783)

I'll preform crime. For a price though.

xarissa
xarissa (#3,317)

tagging perfection

KarenUhOh
KarenUhOh (#19)

How very wonderful. Pastoral, with just the proper gracenote of cheerful desperation.

Jeff Barea
Jeff Barea (#4,298)

Can you stop competing with Not Foster for who's best on the V-List of writing superstars?

KarenUhOh
KarenUhOh (#19)

Hi, Jeff.

Love you, too. Hope I can deliver something worth your time in the not-too-distant future.

I look forward to reading your work.

Cheers,

Karen

Jeff Barea
Jeff Barea (#4,298)

HEY! Someone run over and tell Foster to tell Jim Newell that ponies is my fucking schtick and stop biting my shite.

Mar
Mar (#2,357)

Dear Jeff Barea,

I always thought the phrase "balls to the wall" referred to when a man puts his penis so deeply in a lady that his balls hit up against her uterine wall. Maybe that doesn't make sense, but you've got to admit it's pretty goddamn poetic. The other day, I was disappointed to learn that the phrase actually refers to pilots accelerating--their throttles, you see, are topped by little balls, and if a given pilot wants to speed up real quickly, he pushes the ball so far forward that it touches the dashboard of the cockpit.

Anyway, let's try it. Don't care which.

Jeff Barea
Jeff Barea (#4,298)

HAH!

Twitter censorship of #NN10 is funny! Ask Facebook how that worked for them.

spanish bombs
spanish bombs (#562)

I suspect a troll, but how do the steps involved in making homemade pancake batter take too much of your time?! Measure and mix flour, baking powder, salt, and sugar. This must be some sort of a joke. Funny, I guess?

spanish bombs
spanish bombs (#562)

Oh, nevermind. I got confused by Karen UhOh's comment, which just seemed inane at first glance and made me think this was, like, supposed to be serious. Now I realize it was a funny joke.

KarenUhOh
KarenUhOh (#19)

Nope. Inane.

Come, now. I did enjoy Ms. Amandolare's piece; truly, I did. I'll shush now.

You people are makin' my old head spin.

saythatscool
saythatscool (#101)

Prague Crock.

NotAndersonCooper

SATURDAY MORNING EARLY I sip my orange juice and revisit Friday's Awl. There are posts I missed the first time around. I struggle to "get" them all. I usually do. Later I will imagine a good boner joke.

Art Yucko
Art Yucko (#1,321)

haha. "The Lawn". The photo speaks exactly to how I feel about lawns! ...it's still dawn out, I'd better go mow. (oh wait, the Ms. told me she wanted me to weed. -nevermind.)

Trilby
Trilby (#3,897)

I "endured" a few years in Saugerties (just kidding- it's cute) some years ago and now I'm living large in Queens. Unlike Beeswax (love it!) I just got a job! YAY! The reason I left Saugerties was that there didn't seem to be a way to make money there. So good luck. It's a long commute to the city.

Jeff Barea
Jeff Barea (#4,298)

HOLY SHITE!

I FINALLY MADE IT ON WIKIPEDIA!!!!Z~#NJF*(#!!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Creton4

Jeff Barea
Jeff Barea (#4,298)

Who knew tormenting Jimnmy about his stupid beret avatar would finally pay off?

Jeff Barea
Jeff Barea (#4,298)

Kind of a weird feeling to know you exist after destroying everything to enact a complex plan to come out of nowhere and birth a new paradigm.

Kind of hurts in a way, kind of nice in a way.

untitled HD
untitled HD (#4,555)

"...When I hear the crackling of the box and subsequent clatter of cornflakes tumbling into bowls, well, I know it's time to get up and face the day..."

When I hear the crackling of the cereal box packaging,
I think, "Goodbye, $4.00"

Tess Lynch
Tess Lynch (#4,602)

This is perfect. Reading The Poughkeepsie Journal in Saugerties sets the grimmest tone.

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