Monday, July 19th, 2010
15

Calvinist Theological Concepts in Order of How Much They Sound Like Horrifying Sex Acts

GOT YOUR DORT RIGHT HERE 10) Federal Vision

9) Presuppositional Apology

8) Unconditional Election

7) Infralapsarian reprobation

6) Monergism

5) Post-Redemptionist Amyraldism

4) Penal Substitution

3) Total Depravity

2) Canons of Dort

1) Double Imputation



Michael Brendan Dougherty is interested in a particular redemption, if you want to help him out.

15 Comments / Post A Comment

KarenUhOh (#19)

Unfortunately, "Perserverance of the Saints" is not something I've had much experience with.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

Not familiar with many of these, but I do know that Penal Substitution requires fresh batteries.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

*Also, I'm having fun saying "Michael Brendan Dougherty" in me best Irish brogue.

Multiphasic (#411)

And should ensue shortly after you issue your presuppositional apology.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

@Multiphasic: Booksy told me Double Imputation is painful if you have a tipped uterus.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

Twitterian Refudiatopathy

roboloki (#1,724)

it seems i have misunderestimated your mental prowessity.

HiredGoons (#603)

How can you refuse double imputation to someone with irresistible grace!?

garge (#736)

Just don't forget the covenantal safe word!

Art Yucko (#1,321)

…especially when the Canon of Dort is pointed at thee, and it is loaded with Monergism.

Matt (#26)

The first Total Depravity EP was good, but it just got all noodly after that. Man, fuck Technical Death Metal.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

#NEVER NOT YNGVE-ING AGAINST ALL NOODLERS

Tulletilsynet (#333)

Your Calvinists do irresistibly persevere but then the Wesleyans have the Second Working of Grace.

Ribs (#2,690)

like button

I love the Canons of Dort just because of how it starts with defining "God's right to condemn all people".

Post a Comment