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Monday, July 19, 2010

9

Let's Be Very, Very Careful About Giving Genetically Modified Mosquitoes A "Competitive Advantage"

jet pack mosquitoThis seems extremely dangerous: University of Arizona scientists have successfully introduced a gene into mosquitoes that blocks the growth of the malaria parasite. The idea, is then to release the malarial-resistant mosquitoes into the wild, in hopes that they will replace the current strain that infects more than 250 million people a year with the disease, leading to more than a million deaths. "Before we do this, we have to somehow give the mosquitoes a competitive advantage over the disease-carrying insects," said professor Michael Riehle, a principle investigator on the project, to the BBC. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! How many time do you have to tell these scientists to watch Deep Blue Sea? (And, you know, they'd probably enjoy it. It's lots of fun!) It's not enough that we're going to introduce genetically modified insects into nature, now we need to make them stronger? Here's a list of ways we SHOULD NOT give these new mosquitoes a competitive advantage:

1) six-inch mandibles
2) fly-swatter-proof exoskeleton
3) shorter gestation period
4) telekinesis
5) ant strength
6) acid-blood
7) human growth hormone
8) hyperdrive
9) the ability to access people's minds through their dreams (also known as "inception")
10) laser shields

In fact, how about just making mosquitoes without stingers? I mean, problem solved, right?

9 Comments / Post A Comment

the Loud Coast
the Loud Coast (#1,362)

or Oryx & Crake

Crantastical
Crantastical (#4,127)

rakunks sounded REALLY cute you must admit.

HiredGoons
HiredGoons (#603)

OHGOD! What is that amorphous thing that grows tendrils of chicken-meat? I'm pretty sure that exists in a laboratory basement somewhere.

Crantastical
Crantastical (#4,127)

@HiredGoons: Chickie-Nobs Bucket O'Nubbins?

the Loud Coast
the Loud Coast (#1,362)

@goons Some biotech companies grow things like human ears on the backs of live rats, so those have been kicking around the labs for a while, but the future for that industry (and the meat industry) is more likely going to be in-vitro cultivation, where the tissue grows, but there isnt a nervous system involved.

Art Yucko
Art Yucko (#1,321)
Dave Bry
Dave Bry (#422)

Awesome. I would gladly submit to them.

doubled277
doubled277 (#2,783)

Laser shield seems ok to me? Then the Mosquitoes could be our allies in the coming robot wars.

Tulletilsynet
Tulletilsynet (#333)

Bring the GMO-skeeters. Contextual ad for Terminix ("Power over pests.") suggests they are suited up and ready with the laser guns.

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