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English Land Barons Dig Moats To Prevent "Gypsy" Invasions
English countryside real estate developers must now protect their sad little plywood houses by digging moats to prevent the invasion of their land from caravanning tossers! Stabbing to ensue. It's a wonderful return to the old ways. I hope there are flaming arrows again soon too; also, a burning of heretics.
And tights on men, Choire. LET US NOT FORGOT ABOUT THE TIGHTS ON MEN.
something something jerkins.
Stop staring at my codpiece.
Sorry, can't help myself..
Snatch II: The Pikeyning
The developer dug the moat to stop more travellers camping on the site, but one traveller said the campers' children would fill it in with spades.
Just made me giggle. Carry on.
also.
Enough of your hate-filled, racist rants, matnet. You and Mel Gibson can just go into the woods and STAY THERE!
Breed them out. Prima Nocte.
"Residents complained to police that they were being kept up at night by loud music and the sound of barking dogs."
And then they closed in around him and KILLED the Corn King!
Whatever. They'll just pile their 6-year olds in a heap and use them as a human bridge.
But the "Gypsies" were one step ahead of the covetous English countryside real estate developers because, dear reader, every wise man in this wide world knows that Gypsies can tell the future.
In England you get Gypsy women selling "lucky heather" on the streets and whenever one approached me with a bunch of the stuff I always said "not been very lucky for you, has it?"
Looks like someone's just beggin' for an old fashioned gypsy cursin'.
Here's your beach reading. Thank me later.
At least there aren't any tramps and thieves.
You guys might scoff, but the pikeys are pretty brazen. When I was living in Oxford, a dozen caravans suddenly pitched up at the bottom of South Park in St. Clement's – which is the scene-establishing view as seen in Morse, Lewis and pretty much every other thing set in this fine city.
The gypsies stayed there for like 2 weeks; apparently the authorities could do nothing about them setting up their camps and stealing people's babies wherever they wanted.
On the other hand, if your village is set on by a werewolf, at least you'll know where to go for information about how to identify and kill it.
Fill the moat with whiskey. Done.
Moats are neat. Gated communities are obnoxious.
I don't know why I know this, but this type of dry moat is called a ha-ha and was designed originally to keep unpenned sheep from straying off the lawns where they fed. I assume it's called a "ha-ha" because hey, when the sheep fall in, ha ha. Anyway, the next time you are the guest at a Ye Olde Englishe Stateleye Homee and Lady Whatzit asks if you would like to see her ha-ha, don't get too excited. Her etchings, yeah, I guess you can get excited. He ha-ha, not so much.
I know this too! I learned it touring some National Trust property with an aunt, I think. Always loved the term and will build one as soon as I have some land. Hmm, wonder if a ha-ha would keep the neighbor kids off the lawn?