A Note On The Weather
I woke up early this morning and dressed in the dark, which resulted in my leaving the house in a pair of khakis and a green polo. Green-on-green is an absolutely ridiculous look, but those of you who know me know that I'm not particularly obsessed with the condition of my wardrobe. (Plus, when you've got a face like this, the packaging is completely irrelevant.) I only mention this to note that when I hit the streets for my most recent cigarette (which was delightful, by the way; those of you who have cut back on smoking during the summer months should really reconsider) I happened to notice that it was a bit unpleasant, temperature-wise. I mean, it is rather vexatious what with the heat. A RealFeel of 101? It's extremely uncomfortable, I tells ya! My balls are all, "It's as hot as us!" We're talking about what Sarah Palin would no doubt refer to as "hotnessitude." And it doesn't look like it's going to get much better for the rest of the week. So make sure you're drinking a lot of fluids and staying indoors as much as possible. Because, no, I'm not granting any dispensations on shorts. You've had it too easy already this summer. It's time to grow a pair, and then have that pair sweat profusely through your slacks, goddamn it. I am, however, declaring socks optional through Friday. You're welcome.
Sorry. My office is too hot. I'm wearing shorts, despite the appalachian trail of mosquito bites leading from aft to stern.
I'm not even wearing UNDERWEAR.
At least not where one normally would, I mean.
I wear underwear as earrings too; don't be ashamed.
Man != male adult
Man = male adult who subjects himself to physical discomfort to prove some kind of point about being a man
Man! = {1, if Man = 0
= {(Man-1)! x Man, if Man > 0
nerd/
Shorts with socks. Suck it!
Fashion advice desperately NEEDED: how does one dress up a pair of Jorts?
Boat shoes, no socks, button-up short sleeve shirt or polo.
…..needs more fraying? braided frays?
i was thinking a "RELAX" t-shirt would have the desired effect.
A simple tuxedo vest or bandeau top, boy or girl.
Douse them in kerosine, then burn them.
Why are your khakis green? Have they developed a mold problem? Have you begun to sprout? Are you wearing dirty trousers that have grass stains? Seriously, what the fuck dude?
It's so disturbing right?
I on the other hand am wearing some charming light blue shorts designed apparently by a gentleman named "J. Press."
I think he means "chinos".
I'm imagining camo-pattern and cannot stop laughing and telling the 'Alex Balk' in my head to go back to the Tool concert in New Jersey in 1995.
@Clarence: Oh I knew what he meant. Just doing my best to keep his irritation level set to HIGH.
@Choire: I love you so hard I'm beginning to bruise.
STOP MAKING FUN OF ALEX! HE'S A SNAZZY DRESSER.
He's really not a snazzy dresser. He is MANY WONDERFUL THINGS but not that one.
this made me snort. i love it!
it's this kind of weather that goldbonding was invented for.
In the spirit of good taste, I'll refrain from introducing the phrase "making dumplings on the bathroom sink". But it's totally necessary for days like this.
"the packaging is completely irrelevant."
I read this as "the package is completely irrelevant".
So is it comma before, or after the quotes?
I read, "I woke up this morning and dressed in the park," and honestly? I didn't blink.
Ew! No socks = sweaty feet. Gross gross gross.
Class up some nicely tailored shorts with a button-down and show off your gams. But for the love of god do not put your sweaty feet nakedly into shoes.
No one could agree with you more than me, no ONE!
Linen. How else do you think the British conquered India?
No one listens.
It certainly wasn't the warm gin and tonics.
The Hotpocalypse requires Bermuda business attire:
http://media.smithsonianmag.com/images/Bermuda-8-388.jpg
Plus Dark and Stormies.
I spent the entire morning putting on seer sucker body paint. Otherwise I'm completely naked.
*call me
Right now…heat index: 111. Quit bitching, New York.
111 in the SHADE. OH WAIT IT'S OVERCAST OUT, HAHA.
petejayhawk's exclusive contribution to the Awl commentariat: How much worse he has it.
What people always forget when talking about the weather in places that are not nyc is that people in not-nyc-places traditionally ride around in AC'd cars to go into AC'd stores, offices or homes. They do not stand around in damp piss smelling underground ovens waiting for trains for 20 min and then snuggle with 8 million other sweaty people on the under-airconditioned car they unluckily stepped into. They do not wait for buses in the sun either. And they do not usually go home to fifth floor walk up apartments sans AC or air at all for that matter.
This concludes my explanation for why non-nyc-places only have it worse for their other lacks, not the weather.
This summer I often ask myself, "What would Kurt from Glee wear?"
Yesterday, it was shorts, two to three inches above the knee, tucked in button up, and white keds (no socks). The Muslim women I passed were scandalized!
My girlfriend said I looked cute, though!
what a bunch of whiny babies simply apply an even coating of sunscreen, slap on some flip-flops and a towel, call it a day. its not like ya'll actually leave your dank holes is it?
My favorite part of your comment is that you punctualized "y'all" incorrectly.